When I was younger I had to work in a cheap pizza shop to get by.
Princess Jasmine's father said she had to get married by 16....
I find this very insultan
Why did Bruce Lee get scared by his cousin from Sudan? Because cousin SudanLee appeared out of nowhere.
You’re about to get invaded by Russia?
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
I waited all afternoon to get my Covid vaccine in our small remote village, by the time it was my turn, they were administering them by candlelight...
I’m really not sure how effective they are, seems as if they are a shot in the dark.
A priest in the woods has been attacked by a pack of wolves. In a moment of desperation, the priest started to ask God how to get out of this situation.
The wolves may be predators but he pray
Pikachu gets stabbed by a Jamaican man and then asks why?
The Jamaican man replies he just wanted to poke a mon.
Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.
My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
By buddies and I were drinking beer and cracking jokes, but things started to get out of hand.
It was quite the brew-haha.
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
We need to be very careful about collapsing Wall Street so we don’t get crushed by Roof Street
Posted on shower thoughts first, they told me to bring it here. I should have thought of that first. Anyways here ya go.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
If you are offended by my dad jokes, don’t get mad and ask me to go to the artificial excavation filled with water.
Smaller babies get delivered by the stork
Bigger babies need a crane
Dad initiation joke... When my wife and son were discharged by the hospital after he was born, they said we have to get a pediatric appointment within the next few days. They said they usually fit new borns in.
I said, they absolutely have space- he’s only 20 inches and 6 lbs. [holding my hands up showing how small he is].
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
I may get in trouble by using weird symbols,
But it's my own asterisk.
I got a pen in Barcelona. It writes so smoothly. I can get the finest lines out of it. Everyone is so surprised by it
Because no one expects the Spanish ink precision!
I got my grandma a new walking frame made by NASA and she's starting to get the hang of it...
It's one small step for Nan....
A joke told to me by a friend's child. How do bees get to school?
So if you get knighted by Bill Gates
Does that make you an edge lord?
My cousin tries to keep posting jokes on this sub, but gets repeatedly banned by the mods.
He’s my cousin, twice [removed].
I am trying to get in shape by running on my treadmill every morning
But I dont feel like I'm getting anywhere
By the way, I get these puns from an app called "dad jokes"
These comments where from a clip where someone cleaning at a foreign range almost gets hit by a stray bullet
*Black gets hit by the Killing Curse*
Black: Harry, I’m dead.
Harry: Are you serious?
Black: Yes, I’m dead Sirius.
Why did the mummy get fined by the FCC?
A drunk dude decided to drive and get more beer. After being pulled over and questioned by the cop, the cop said “ sir I’m going to have to put you under arrest.” The guy then said
A carrot and his wife are walking home from a party late at night and he gets hit by a car.
Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."
You know you're licked when you get home and are greeted by...
What does it feel like to get hit by a wave frequency?
A programmer gets sent to the store by his wife. His wife says, “Get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get a dozen.”
The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, “They had eggs.”
edit: I know guys, I know, it’s supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me
I get aroused by wrapping myself in an old, mangled garden hose
I was so scared I might get taken by this van
Wanted to get fit by starting running. Bought a book called How to Jog.
Imagine my disappointment when I realised it was Volume 9 of a 24-Volume encyclopaedia.
I found a new bread recipe where you don’t have to get your hands messy by mixing the dough.
Why did the man driving the train get stuck by lightning?
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale
LIFE RANT: yesterday was the first day I’ve been outside my house since coronavirus started, I just wanted to get some Jimmy Johns. It’s been 3 months, I ordered a #16 Club Lulu, something seemed off but by the time I got to the car I realized...
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a Jack-o-lantern by its diameter
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by the diameter?