Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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How to draw a horse in two steps:
  1. Draw a unicorn.
  2. Erase his horn.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rozsaszin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this, I’ll hit you in the face.” /r/Jokes/comments/jx9abu/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldendarren
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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I draw puns and make friends guess them. Thought r/puns might like them too. Post your guess in the comments! imgur.com/QJ4Cykf
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiggidytom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2015
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I went in for a routine checkup, and they took way too much in the blood draw. I was dizzy, and it was a real pain in the neck...

I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_zensphere
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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certain puns just draw me in.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyotter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2017
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I guess you could say that a pessimistic astronaut draws life in...

negative space

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πŸ‘€︎ u/razzlesnazzlepasz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
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My dad used to draw short, one panel comics all the time, back in the day. This is one of my favorites, I thought it belonged here.

Titled "Assault" http://imgur.com/P8vQXfo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slunkronomicon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
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OC - I am not great at imitation in drawing, though
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeeveryoneup
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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So I made this list of people ranked by their interest in paper based drawing boards.

I call it the flip charts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowningStructure
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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Drawing in ballpoint I did at work.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/El-Rob75
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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The competitive painting contest was an abject failure

as it ended in a draw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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Dad joked by an 81-year-old woman

I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said β€œI think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”

I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, β€œbut it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doc_Hooligan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I found out why nurses carry red crayons -

In case they have to draw blood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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I'm always skeptical of artists drawing in the hood

It's so sketchy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TerlerSwerft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
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Blood...

My daughter was in and out of the hospital a lot when she was a kid. One day she came home, and she asked me if I knew what the doctors used to draw blood. I said a needle. She said no a red crayon!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kccole42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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Two artists had an art contest. How did it end?

It ended in a draw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/entangled_dicks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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I just learned that now we have to social-distance at the beach and mark a 6-foot perimeter!

Well, I'm drawing a line in the sand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TMCBarnes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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My Mother-in-Law responded to an unsolicited fax with an amazing dad joke.

My MiL received this unsolicited fax at her office. My wife suggested she should fax something clever back. She delivered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/plutoniumhead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
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Why do nurses always bring red crayons to work?

In case they need to draw blood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Two cartoonists fought each other to death and the police are investigating

The details are pretty sketchy and the reports are saying it ended in a draw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BleakPenguin35
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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Geometry

I really don't understand geomety, plane and simple! It feels like I just keep going in circles so I don't get the point! Even if for some people it shapes their life, this is where I draw the line!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/roxan1930
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

i c e i c e w a t e r

Architecture is an aspiring career path.

β€˜Pun’ puns don’t add up. The are starting to get negative receptions.

I’ll do algebra. I’ll even do calculus. But graphing is where I draw the line.

Plants should always rooted in the ground.

Never argue with people when they are right or nobody will be left hanging out with you.

Rocks make boulder moves. This means they are pelite and not jagged. Don’t take these puns for granite.

Cheese puns are grate because you don’t have to ask for parmesan to use them.

Eskimos have cold personality. It is an ice society, but some of their history chills my spine.

My dog died a few years ago. It was really ruff.

I am not a fan of wind turbines.

Life is like driftwood. You never know where you will float.

Christmas lights stick together. When one goes out, they all do.

Puns about communism are only funny if everyone gets them.

Rocket scientists cannot fuel around or something bad can happen.

A baker is someone who kneads to make baked goods.

I sometimes wear stripes to avoid being spotted.

Sponges are great at absorbing liquids.

Contrary to the name, relationships have nothing to do with boats.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Did you hear about the art competition?

It ended in a draw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/electric_leper
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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A friend challenged me to a pun-athon, but being an artist, he was into pictoral puns.

Some of them were pretty strange: only he could understand them and explaining the 'pun' to somebody else would take like half an hour. Anyway-

He said, "So I'll go first?"

I said sure.

I think he took "pun-a-thon" a bit too literally - he took out a marker and drew a point, and then he kept drawing this straight line (he's good at drawing straight lines) while taking how many ever steps back. I for one was concerned, because first off I didn't know how long I'd have to stick around for this, and second of all, I didn't know if I could clean the mess he'd inevitably leave behind.

He kept drawing this line! We stepped out of my living room, then my apartment which was on ground-level, and he kept drawing it. He drew his line all the way through the corridor, up until the entrance to the building, and when I kept asking him if he's done yet, he didn't say a word. I had to keep subtly reassuring security and everyone who was staring at my friend hunched over like that robot from Wall-E.

He stepped out of the building and kept on drawing his line. At this point I was trying to guess what the hell is the outcome. I kept screaming punchlines at him like "is this where you draw the line?", "are you going to punch me after this so this is a punchline?" and shit like that. There were people following us and two were taking videos and it was really fucking uncomfortable.

Right after he was outside the building and the premises, he started to draw this stunning drawing of the building right on the pavement. It was almost magical, as if he had been commissioned to make an ad for my place but for a million bucks. At this point the people who were following us didn't even get pissed off because they were so engrossed in his drawing. I was surprised the marker kept going on.

After about 20 minutes - he was a real quick draw (no pun intended) - he stood up and a crowd of two dozen clapped and cheered for him.

I told him, "Dude that looks fucking amazing, but I thought we were in a pun-a-thon. Why such a long set-up?"

He replied, "Yeah it was pretty drawn out."


(for more drawn-out jokes like this, visit r/feghoot!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon-Osterman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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Not so much a Dd joke, more a Grand-Dad joke.

When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.

After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".

He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.

Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCaptainOats
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
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Did you hear about the two artists getting into an argument over who was the better?

It ended in a draw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked twice in 2 minutes.

My mum doesn't like that I'm drawing and designing tattoos for people, so my dad just goes

"She's worried you'll get drawn into it all."

Then the next minute he just spouts "A Farmer got a nobel prize, he was outstanding in his field."

It's only 8 in the morning..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oysterchild
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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Drawing a plane

Dad: I am getting really good at drawing, I can draw anything I want to now. Me: okay draw me a plane. Dad: here you go. Me: but that is a box. Dad: the plane is in the box. Me: MOM!! Dad is trying to be funny again.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RoyalButhole
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
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My son like to play hopscotch outside in front of the house with his friends

But in my driveway is where I draw the line!

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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I tried to leave my cartoon life behind me..

But every time I leave they draw me back in..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mutatedbox
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight, when one draws a line in the dirt and slurs, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline...

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll hit you in the face.”

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a fight. One draws a line in the dirt and says, "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face."

That was the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 270
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skylly100
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I found out why nurses carry red crayons

In case they have to draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/33billings
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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I recently found out that it’s mandatory for all nurses to carry a red crayon with them.

Just in case they have to draw blood

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daytripper1902
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

In case she needed to draw blood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
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I would have won the art contest

But it ended in a draw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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Two artists had an art contest

It ended in a draw

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JRBX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Two artists had a fight

It ended in a draw.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Semi-Empathetic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

In case she needed to draw blood.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/essenceofpotato
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report

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