I have an odd attraction to a bounty hunter in Star Wars...

Guess I have a Boba Fetish

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flylink63
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new pickletown attraction?

It's a really big dill

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πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Bacon isn’t the main attraction

Sausages.

Thought of this at work while I was cooking.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/19you1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car

So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Cemeteries are one of the most popular tourist attractions

People are dying to get into them!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roxanne_12784
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Experiments show that olfactory perception of pheromones might play a role in romantic attraction...

Love is blind, but it has a great sense of smell.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Roadside Attraction

I laughed my ass off at this roadside protester. He camped out all night hoping to prevent the completion of certain roadways. Well, yesterday, the dumbass died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago, but the stupid guy didn't want a bypass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprtoad80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
🚨︎ report
Attracted to someone atleast

I don't care what people think about me. Atleast mosquitoes find me attractive.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steven_Infinity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
My sister was complaining her online dating profile only attracted pigs.

She's a real babe magnet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
A good way to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic_Result
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
She seems to be having a field day out there.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedamasavasol
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
How did the orchestra attract heavy metal fans?

With a super conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stage_directions
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do white bears who are attracted to both sexes have mood swings?

They are bi polar bears.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
I encountered an unusually attractive ghost,

You can say that she was dead gorgeous.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shiva8512
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
Most of the attractive, single women I meet, are divorced...

From reality.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
The main purpose of the call-response hooting that many owls engage in is to find and attract a potential mate.

To wit: to woo.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
What does a Norse god do when they don’t want to attract attention?

They stay low key (Loki).

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyktic
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
🚨︎ report
I asked my personal trainer at the gym, which type of machine I should use to make myself more attractive to women?

He suggested, the cash machine .

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
🚨︎ report
Why was the man who removed 10 potato skins in 1 minute so attractive?

He had secs a peel.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ambutter15
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
How can you attract a wealthy, suburban dog lover?

Arrange rover.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pdxp2b
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
🚨︎ report
I met a ventriloquist at a bar who told me I was attractive.

I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I can't believe I've become attracted to statues...

Now I've really hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrowsyDuck005
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When the American president found out that he was sexually attracted to both men and women, what did he say?

I guess I’m Bi Den

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assfrontation
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Why was the banana attracted to the other banana?

Its bananappeal

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pez79_14
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
My dad once told me that if I put a potato in my swim trunks, I would attract more women...

He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front

πŸ‘︎ 251
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funny-Promise956
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m attracted to all couches...

...guess that makes me pansectional

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
How do we know that women are attracted to corny jokes?

Because otherwise we wouldn't call them 'dad' jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlammerEye
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dessert that attracts bugs?

A moussequito

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hot_Potato_MC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of cheese do you attract a bear with?

Camembert

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldbayfries
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I caught my wife with another man

Some stories have hooks.

This story has a bloody good one.

It's about loveβ€”

Or at least marriage.

My marriage.

At heart, it's your typical fish out of water story, but like I said there's a hook.

The hook's in the beginning.

Although it's really the tail end that's most movingβ€”at least now, when our love's drying up.

Understand:

I'm a fisherman, and I caught my wife with another man.

Well, I caught the man first.

I used Craigslist.

But I suppose the details don't really matter. It's enough to know that by the time he was naked in the shed it was too late for him to change his mind.

He broke down easily. He wasn't particularly thick skinned.

That's where the hook came inβ€”

pushed through a fold of flesh on his back.

He wasn't much in the size department, but I didn't intend for him to get hung up on it. Unfortunately, he kept trying to escape, so what choice did I have? Then he seemed quite insecure, so I pierced him with another steel hook just in case.

Like I said:

Bloody good hook.

After he stopped struggling, I took him down and dragged him to my boat. Then we went fishing.

Hold on, though.

I may need to backtrack a little, because you may be wondering how I even knew she was out there.

The answer is: I'd already seen her swimming a few times.

It was love at first sight.

Like many couples nowadays we met on the net.

So back to when I was fishing:

I was in my boat with the Craigslist man with the steel hooks in his back. I had tied a thick rope to one of the hooks, placed the man onto a net, and pushed them both overboard. He splashed and choked, attracting a lot of attention.

I waited for her call.

It came.

She sounded so near to me.

When she swam just close enough to the Craigslist man in the water, I pulled in the netβ€”and there she was: shining, mine to the gills and writhing so enticingly!

I took her ashore.

I placed her in a water tank and told her she would be my wife.

I screwed herβ€”

shut.

For days I watched her bangβ€”

on the glass.

Until one day it happened: the glass cracked, the tank broke open, and with the water she spilled onto the floor.

Now here I am, watching my marriage fall apart.

Her gills are barely stirring.

Her face: dry and still.

It's only her scaly tail that's still gently moving.

I caught my wife with another man. I met her on the net. I thought our love would last forever, but now, listening to her shriek, I realize I was catfished! I wanted to marry a sirenβ€”but this thing is nothing

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/normancrane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Why do people find glasses so attractive?

Because people look good with them!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwatBadgerExpress
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
They say opposites attract; so if your mum/mom serious, then your...

Dad jokes!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.

And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skullchin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are the blind attracted to acne?

Easier to read people.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you attract a squrrel

Climb like a tree and act like a nut

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bishboshTV
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
My son joined a group of people that are sexually attracted to young horses.

I'm worried he may be in a colt

πŸ‘︎ 120
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to open a museum dedicated to bracelets that happen to be magnetic.

Hopefully it will be a big two-wrist attraction.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrosmash77
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Attracting R. Kelly...
πŸ‘︎ 500
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Harqssy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Newton think when he discovered gravity?

Shit is about to go down.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarlock-_1234
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
Ever heard of the polar bear that lives on both north & south poles, is manic depressive and attracted to both sexes?

Hes known as the bi-polar bi-polar bi polar bear.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens when two drops of dew are attracted to each other?

They get a due date.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VaiterZen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are women attracted to mummies?

Pharaoh Moans.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alaska_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Wow that pen is so attractive.

Maybe I am pensexual.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScytheMaster35
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad, who are pansexuals attracted to?

People from all Woks of life, son.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PityNoodz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are men attracted to cleaning ladies?

Because they deter gents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Last night, my girlfriend told me I'm very attractive and she's a lucky lady.

I told her if I'm attractive then she's a moLUCKular lady.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joker0812
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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