So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
I wasn't sure if it was her or the beer talking.
Because people look good with them!
Maybe I am pensexual.
I told her if I'm attractive then she's a moLUCKular lady.
Smacking into the mirror
Is her gravitational pull
Because they are appealing
Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder
Gravitationally attractive that is
The cashiers check me out every time I go shopping!
A centipede! It's got legs for days...
prosecutie
I guess you could say that I found him appealing.
For me, she ticks Alderaan boxes.
The answer is almost always in the negative. (Yes, it's a bad pun--enough to make you shutter.)
They stay positive no matter what..
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
They are just way more down to earth.
I told him about a tenor so.
He's taken aback because he can't seem to remember where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind takes him back to the one time that he has ever been unfaithful to his wife.
"My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with a celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly "No, I'm your son's teacher."
Every single one of them. As the saying goes, "Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder."
For example, "the fireworks were bangin, but not as bangin as my date"
Thank you! I need as many as possible for a corny caption!
After reading her husband's short and quick reply, the woman happily called her husband and said, "Aww, you didn't have to send me the heart symbol as a reply to my question. How sweet of you!"
Her husband then said, "What heart symbol? I meant to say that I rate you as less than three!"
I guess she's out of my league.
She was the fairest of the mall.
Gravitationally.
A door able
Well for starters he’s an electro magnate
During my last appointment she said, "I'm sorry but you have to stop masturbating."
I asked "why?"
She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Because he was being chaste.
She left him peachless.
Go ogle
Told a patient, "You're going to die, give up, there's nothing we can do"
It was a super-callous-fatalistic-sexy-diagnosis
Him: "You're a pretty cool person."
Me: "Actually I'm nice and toasty. I'm wearing sweater tights and have a blanket over me!"
Him: "But where did you get the bread? ... Oh, right, you're just loafing around!"
So he always has a couple hoes with him
