So, my parents were talking about whether a celebrity (who's name I didn't manage to catch) was attractive or not.
Mum: "Yeah, she's attractive, but she's a bit bipolar though" Dad: "That's okay just take her to the equator, and she'll be fine."
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
A moussequito
Guess I have a Boba Fetish
Because people look good with them!
He forgot to tell me to put the potato in the front
Dad jokes!
Easier to read people.
Climb like a tree and act like a nut
Hes known as the bi-polar bi-polar bi polar bear.
They get a due date.
I'm worried he may be in a colt
Pharaoh Moans.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
Maybe I am pensexual.
It's a really big dill
I told her if I'm attractive then she's a moLUCKular lady.
People from all Woks of life, son.
Smacking into the mirror
He heard she was extra virgin.
I am especially attracted by gravity, it keeps me grounded.
I thought that was their Maine attraction.
They get all the tang they want, after all.
Is her gravitational pull
Pharaoh moans.
A tramsexual.
They gave me another one free of charge.
Because they are appealing
A tractor
... like moUths to a flame.
Because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder
A biceratops
Guess you could say he had a fetash
Gravitationally attractive that is
Sausages.
Thought of this at work while I was cooking.
“Oh, deadass?” I replied.
So he always has a couple hoes with him
