I tried coming at it from a different angle, but it looked really sketchy
People were lined up around the block.
Boy, was my face red!
Cock-A-Doodle-Poo
But I had to get it just right
I'm just not sure about this Dr. Acula.
Titled "Assault" http://imgur.com/P8vQXfo
I just haven't been able to get aROUND to it! audible groans
It's pointless.
But as anyone that has worked the night shift knows it can be a long and boring affair. No great threats to defend against. So this knight decided to improve himself, night after night he would bring books to read while he stood guard. Learning languages, math, philosophy. The smarter he gets the more he realizes that he will likely leave the world and be forgotten. In his depression he turns to music, learning instrument after instrument, style after style. Using his knowledge of math to create beautiful patterns and moving songs. He learns that it is they rhythm more than anything that draws people to a song and sets his nights to finding the rhythm that will be universally loved. Now, hundreds of years after his death, people the world over still remember Sir Cadian's Rhythm.
3-deify
He just pulled out a sharpie and started drawing all over me. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but it was very unprofessional
It was a fig meant for my imagination.
Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?
Gingersnap
Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?
Snickerdoodle
Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?
Shortbread
Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?
Angel food
Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?
Peach cobbler
Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?
Baked Alaska
Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?
German chocolate
Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?
Lemon bars
Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?
Fondant
Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?
Sherbet
I’ll leave out the negative jokes here.
Only the positive ones!
You can tri to stop me,
Adding these together just makes it so much better.
We may be divided because of this,
But not all jokes are made equal,
But y=Mx+b jokes are great, yet at some point we have to draw a line. It’s an especially slippery slope to go down.
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didn’t bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didn’t know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said “I think he’s going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, I’m taking him straight to Wal-Mart.”
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, “but it’s just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!”
as it ended in a draw.
Dotting i's is okay since it's just a dot, but t's are where I draw the line.
My 14yo son draws comics every night on a whiteboard of his bedroom door. This is what I saw this morning...
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡-
Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.
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Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.
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Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!
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Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.
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Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.
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Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? He must be plotting something.
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Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.
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What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple
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What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.
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Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.
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What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.
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I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!
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Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.
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Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
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Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.
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What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.
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Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.
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How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
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Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!
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Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
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Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.
Basics.
He said he's seen better and asked me to draw it again.
It's time to draw the line.
http://i.imgur.com/1XdScio.png
When my Mum and her sisters were younger, in an attempt to keep them quiet for half an hour, he told them to sit down next to each other so he could do their portrait. Every now and again he would stop, look up and to ensure he had the correct scale, held out his thumb and squinted a little, then continued.
After half an hour they got restless and said "Are you done yet, let's see".
He turned the drawing pad around to show...a simple sketch of a thumb.
Not a Dad yet, but thankful to have this trick up my sleeve for when I am.
It ended with a draw
It ended in a draw.
