The hardest part for someone when coming out

Saying it with a straight face

πŸ‘οΈŽ 216
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Komirade666
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2021
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Coming soon to a theater near you
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
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Eye did not see that coming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bright_Dude
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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I'm scared of coming out as bi

It might end up being a pain in the ass.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kevin_l_m
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 26 2021
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Remake of Alien coming to cinemas near you!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Defenestr-Asian
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2021
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When I get home my wife's underwear is coming straight off...

They're cutting right into my hips.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2021
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A guy named Vladislav kept coming after me, and all I could say was…

Vladislav,

baby don't hurt me,

don't hurt me,

no more.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 19 2021
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I did knot see that one coming!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/getonmylevel205
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 25 2020
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Bet choo didn't see that coming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 42
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tyso3600
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 10 2020
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Brace yourselves; Christmas puns are coming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nukes_or_aliens
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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I became a father today, but no dad jokes are coming to me. I’m pretty bummed.

Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Po1sonator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2020
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I awoke this morning to a horrific stench coming from my daughter's crib. /r/TwoSentenceHorror/comm…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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Just my Dad coming out with Dad things...

So my brother is telling us about his girlfriends family, saying her dad is fussy with food and he doesn't eat a lot, probably because he smokes.

Dad "Does he eat his cigs?"

Then proceeds to laugh at his own joke saying that was a beauty that was.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HarryPopperSC
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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Power play coming up.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 72
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Not_Toast897
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 31 2020
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After coming back from Switzerland
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MartianGlassner
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
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I feel kinda stupid and kinda proud for coming up with this (drawing on a phone is hard)
πŸ‘οΈŽ 212
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/no_tak
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 24 2020
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There's a new film about oxygen that's coming out soon, but there's no date.

I wonder when it will air.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/An1meK1TTEN
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 16 2020
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One of my most proud moments was coming up with this
πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jiyori
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 13 2020
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As this year is coming to a close, I find myself thinking about all the things I would have done differently.

Seems like I got 20/20 hindsight.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MadSlingshoter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.

They’re going to call it the iAye

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RockhardManstrong
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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My daughter asked me, "Why are the two planets coming close together?"

"Well, you see... When two planets love each other they can come together in holy astro nomy."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/riskable
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
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I didn't SEE that coming..
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2020
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I was stood in a field the other day wondering why the frisbee coming towards me was getting bigger

Then it hit me

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/nathanlloyd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 27 2020
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When everything is coming your way...

....you're in the wrong lane.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
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My 11 year old and I were coming out of a store and someone just parked right next to our car.

She said. Our cars aren’t social distancing! You don’t want them to get ...CARona virus do you?

Proud moment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/inventorofinternet
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2020
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Did you hear about the locksmith convention coming to town?

I hear they've got the keynote speaker locked up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 06 2020
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Proud of my son coming up with this joke.. Doctor: don’t eat too many apples...

Otherwise you will turn into an Iron man

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/d4nish1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
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The ad said the Hulk is coming to town.

I read it on the Bruce Banner.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cerebolic-parabellum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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Could we have seen this coming?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 614
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zeba-fucking-dee
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 14 2020
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Winter is coming

This is snow joke

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rabid_Badger_83
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2020
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Coming soon to a theater near you
πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Ford456fgfd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 26 2020
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I bet you won’t see this one coming...

1

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 17 2020
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Playboy are coming out with a new magazine, especially for married men.

Every month it's exactly the same woman.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2020
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I was wondering why Music was coming from my printer..

Apparently the paper was Jamming.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/niloc12
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2020
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Local TV weatherman breaks all of his limbs but insists on coming in to work...

...tune in at 11, to see his four-casts.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2020
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My Aunt Penny keeps coming back to life after her cremation

I guess it’s true... a penny urned is a penny saved.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/legendary-jake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2020
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After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, β€œnow my package isn’t coming for another 5 days!”

I replied, now you know how I feel.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 298
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zion2199
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2020
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I did Nazi that coming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 77
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Stavo98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2020
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Julius Caesar was coming out of McDonald's. Brutus asked him if he liked the burger.

Caesar nodded in the affirmative and then added "ate two, Brutus."

(My dad actually texted me this joke this morning. I’m 31 years old.)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 159
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vforvegas
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
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Coming first isn't always good.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iwillstalkyousomeday
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 06 2020
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Son: Dad there is a monster coming out of my closet

Dad: Don't worry son, just be supportive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wiisportscow
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
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Need help coming up with a good Halloween pun...

Group of peeps I hang out with are making good Halloween puns involving their user. I need one that can make use of either Vince, Vincevaleker, e11, or Valeker. Any ideas?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VinceValeker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 02 2020
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I did nazi that one coming
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mtc30001
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2020
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Why did the ear itchiness keep coming back after being scratched?

It was Earitated.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NOOB101007II
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 14 2020
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They Are Coming For Our Puns (Guns) - Say NO to Pun Control. beartariatimes.com/2020/1…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BannanaCabana
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 09 2020
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I bet none of you will see this one coming

1

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 08 2020
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Nobody will see this one coming

1

πŸ‘οΈŽ 150
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheLenno27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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