After checking the delivery tracking app, my wife yelled in a fit of rage, βnow my package isnβt coming for another 5 days!β
I replied, now you know how I feel.
π︎ 295
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︎ Aug 02 2020
Good Morning!! Hot news coming in but before that letβs look at
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︎ May 08 2020
Sorry guys, we are still closed but I did a few to keep them coming in these strained times.
π︎ 63
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︎ Mar 23 2020
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 370
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︎ Oct 12 2019
Coming in flat
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 09 2020
Coming in 2020
A new coding bootcamp, featuring international percussion ensembles, sponsored by former vice president and climate change activist behind An Inconvenient Truth.
"Al Gore Rhythm"
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︎ Jan 23 2020
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π
︎ Nov 26 2019
Maybe Jesus is coming back in the year 2020
As the Bible says, βEvery eye will see Himβ
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π
︎ Dec 24 2019
News anchor: This just in. Polaroid cameras are coming back in fashion.
More on this as it develops...
π︎ 24
π
︎ Aug 31 2019
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 24 2019
[HELP] Need help coming up with a certain good pun info in desc.
Hi all, sorry for the unorthodox post, but i really need help coming up with a specific pun. You see, this girl called eve challenged me to think of a non-obvious pun for her name that is still good and so far the best i can think of is something to do with an apple(like out of the bible) any chance you could help out a brother in need? Any input welcome.
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︎ Jun 15 2019
If you're American going into the bathroom and American coming out, what are you in the bathroom?
π︎ 4k
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︎ Jul 31 2017
My friend's doctor told him that his depression is coming from the state he's been in recently.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 17 2019
Two goldfish are in a bowl, one fish turns to the other and say when do you think the food is coming? The other says...
Holy crap! A talking fish!
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 13 2019
βBoss, Iβm not coming in today. I woke up this morning and found that I grew a thick beard and have a turban on.β
Boss: What?
Man: Yes, Iβm calling in Sikh.
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π
︎ Jun 30 2019
People used to laugh when I bought vinyls whilst they bought CDs. Now CDs are going away and vinyls are coming back in..
One may say that the tables have turned.
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π
︎ Feb 16 2018
I love this warm weather coming around. Really puts a Spring in my step.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 21 2019
What did the man put in his eye to stop tears coming out?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 29 2018
The furniture store banned me from ever coming in after I called them
All I said is that I wanted one night stand.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 28 2019
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, βWhat are you doing climbing my tree?β βWell, Iβm coming up here to eat some pears.β says the elephant.
βYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!β
βWell I brought my own pears.β
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 23 2018
I got a nail in my tire coming home from the grocery store. My meat, milk, icecream... Absolutely ruined while waiting on a tow truck!
Should've bought asparagus
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π
︎ Jul 06 2018
If there were a study exploring the pornography preference of people in each country, we could finally see what this world is coming to.
π︎ 251
π
︎ May 22 2016
The wallnuts are coming in nicely is see..
π︎ 42
π
︎ Sep 05 2017
I put in the minimum amount of energy possible coming up with this pun
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 30 2018
My wife's friends are coming over, so she's said, "Don't walk around the house in your underwear."
I guess that gives me an excuse to be naked then.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Aug 24 2018
What did the foot earn for coming first in the running competition?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 02 2019
I phoned up my boss. I said, "I won't be coming in today. I'm really very ill."
"Nonsense!" he replied. "What is your reason?"
"It's this rare illness," I told him. "Very rare."
"Well, what is it?" he insisted.
I said, "I get sick whenever someone answers the phone."
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π
︎ Oct 20 2018
My office is FREEZING today! There's a cold giraffe coming in the window.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 04 2017
I made my own golf balls. They were supposed to ship in 2 weeks but ended up coming early!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 12 2017
In one of my statistics classes, we were given a task to measure and analyze the fumes coming from tailpipes of various cars and to track their environmental impact.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 07 2017
Me: I donβt think I can make it in today. I canβt see. Boss:What? You canβt see? Me: yeah, I canβt see myself coming into work
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 31 2018
I was trying not to wake anyone up coming in from a night out
so I put those french pancakes on my feet and crepΓ©d right up the stairs
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 20 2018
Apple is coming out with the I-Car in 2021
But you won't be able to see out of it, because you can't install Windows on Apple Products.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Jul 23 2016
[META] In the coming year or so, the Domain www.Jokes.Dad will become a thing
Can we make sure one of us buys it and makes something magical and Full of dad jokes for it?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 19 2017
I like to think I'm very fast at coming up with a dad joke in response to a comment or situation...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 08 2017
Coming in last place at The International Food Festival, German sausage
Judges declared it literally the wurst.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 23 2016
Dadholes 4 is Coming in 4 Days
Dads, Dadholes and mother tolerating fathers rejoice! Dadholes 4 drops in 4 days! The plan is for Dadholes 4 to come out April Fools Day, Dadholes 5 on Mothers Day and Dadholes 6 on Fathers Day. Dying is easy. Being a dad is hard.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 28 2015
Got dadjoked by my boss when I told him I wasn't coming in.
Me: "Gonna take a day. Feel like shit."
Boss: "Where you taking it? Don't feel that bad about it."
Bonus photo proof!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 26 2014
In her costume design class, Caitlin needed some help coming up with an idea; I made sure to slip in a dadjoke
http://i.imgur.com/MBCZs73.png
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 09 2014
In Yellowstone Park we came across a tree that was dying from the heat coming off a nearby geyser
I told my gf I bet that tree is thinking 'damn, geyser killing me'
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 09 2014
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it...
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
π︎ 254
π
︎ May 16 2019
If your Russian going into the bathroom and Finnish coming out of the bathroom what are you in the bathroom?
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 05 2019
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