Walk Into A Bar Puns

And then a table... And then a chair...

They both have a great time.

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

"Is this stool taken?"

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

The horse not being able to comprehend the language shits on the floor and leaves

The bartender says we don't serve food here

the bartender kicks him out on the daily making it known that they don’t serve ropes in his bar. One day he decides that he may have better luck with a disguise, so he ties himself up in a good tangle and frantically pulls all the fibers apart at both of his cut ends. He walks back into the bar and orders two shots. The bartender says to him, “ Hey...aren’t you that rope I kicked out of here yesterday?”. The rope looks at him confused and says, “ No, I’m a frayed knot”.

The bartender looks at them and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

The bartender looks at him and says, “You must be here for a cognac.”

The rabbit says “I think there is a typo”

The bartender says, “I’m glad you ditched your friend. He’s mean.”

Get out of here! Shouts the bartender. We don't serve your type here.

Apparently, the bar wasn't set high enough.

"... and one for the road."

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

They say, "Ow," because they walked into a bar.

He doesn't react.

Barkeep: I'm sorry, but we don't serve miners here.

He’s shift starts soon.

And gets kicked out, horses can't be in bars.

A physics textbook book walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of whiskey. The bartender looks up and says, “Sure pal, it looks like you have a lot of problems.”

A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."

And then another and another and another

....and the barman says, "Oh God, not U2 again!!"

“Ya, I’m positive.”

they stay there.

So he gives it to her.

The bartender says "AU get out of here!"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge".

“Five beers, please.”

I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!

"Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. The bear shrugged, "I'm not sure, I was born with them"

...Mitzvah.

...just kidding, they know better.

Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"

He hits his head and falls to the floor. He's the worse doing the limbo.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" he yells!! "This is not a drill."

Is this stool taken?

"Is this stool taken?"

Ouch.

The bartender says, would you like a drink, sir? Descartes replies “I think not” ... and disappears.

Ouch

He asks, "is the bartender here"?

A rope walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender scowls and says “We don’t serve ropes in here!”

The rope stares back and says “I’m not a rope!”

Flabbergasted the bartender says “You’re not?!”

To which the rope replies “No, I’m a frayed knot”

The barman says 'Oh god, not U2 again...'

Then a table, Then a chair..