Here’s a little early access to a pun I made. I’m not sure if this joke has been said before but I hope not. I love making up puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kyledreeling10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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I’m so good at making up puns ..

They actually make me money, some would say I’m an entre-pun-eur.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bshackers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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If giving up puns is what will help me be Russian.

Than Soviet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuubuspoobus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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I was considering giving up puns for Lent, but then I thought... not so fast!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/punocchio1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
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man, making up puns...

...is a consonant struggle!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelyfan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2013
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Ah discord bots, perfect for setting up puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark_Inferno98
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray

The man asks "is this good for wasps?"

The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDoorknob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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My wife beamed at me and said, β€œI had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, β€œI know!"

"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
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I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus.

Thats how i lost my job as a bus driver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
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I tried googling tips to stop procrastinating but I ended up reading about photography

Turns out I can’t focus!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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When quarantine messes up your plans...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacksneu
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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Bilbo Baggins wakes up suddenly to β€œDon’t Stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
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After being single for years, my best friend said, "Can I set you up?

I said "Go on then!!"

Now I'm doing 12 years for a crime I didn't commit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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you know what drives old people up the wall?

stair lifts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emily-Savage
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
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Wanna know a word I just made up?

Plagiarism.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rebmob_7577
πŸ“…︎ May 03
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What do you call a bee that cannot make up its mind?

A maybe....

Courtesy of my 5 y/o daughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronmsilverman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05
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What's up?

It's a movie about an old man turning his house into a hot air balloon

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πŸ“…︎ May 10
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My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.

I think she is in love with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
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How dare they make someone else clean that up
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c

After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/avinash333bhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
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It used to be free to fill up your car tires with air, now it costs $1.25 You know why?

Inflation

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snidawgg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
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A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".

I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09
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I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home.

She just grunted. I think she regrets letting me name the twins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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Never trust an atom, they make up everything...

But I know I can trust molecules, we have chemistry.

Palpatine voice Ionic...

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πŸ“…︎ May 08
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I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.

The jokes weren't that good ,but I liked the execution

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssr0203
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..

.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
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What do you call an alligator that shows up suddenly and out of nowhere?

An Instagator!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordsofGastone
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
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I woke up this morning to find two birds sitting in the sun in our backyard eating ice cream.

They were Basking Robins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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How do homes strike up a conversation?

"So house life?"

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πŸ“…︎ May 09
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If FedEx and UPS merged, the employees would be

FedUp

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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How do Cicadas know to wake up every 17 years?

They have Cicadian rythm...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GQ_Swing
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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I broke up with my royal girlfriend...

She was too entitled.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlejandroPiedra
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
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My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour

I saw it through my telescope last night

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ May 02
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My kid asked me if it's true that some species of Whale can grow up to 100 feet?

I said it's when they're really tired after swimming too long, they can use them to walk home instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckinWimp87
πŸ“…︎ May 10
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Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner

Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.

Sisters kids: Who? WHO?

Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!

cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other

Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad Me: I'm a faux pas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AusSpyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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I just hooked up with a reclusive girl on Tinder...

She gave me hermit crabs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigPapaChuck73
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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Never trust stairs, they are always up to something
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πŸ“…︎ May 01
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Why did the potato cough up blood?

Because it had tuber-culosis

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazytacoman4
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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A good way to strike up a conversation with someone you find attractive
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Classic_Result
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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I signed up for my company’s 401k

But I’m nervous because I’ve never ran that far before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/etawong
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.

He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.

"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.

"Oh, This is Michelle"

This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awkwrdgirl
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
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My little brother just came up with this: Why was the fully loaded hot dog cold?

Because it was a chili dog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joncottrell
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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My Son came up to me this morning and said "Don't be sad".

Cuz "sad" backwards is "das". And das no good.

So proud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/idiotninja
πŸ“…︎ May 04
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The old beat up sneaker asked his lace if he would make it through the run. The old lace replied

No, I'm afrayed knot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatsterRedditster
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."

She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."

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πŸ“…︎ May 12
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One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..

..this isn't for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
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I need help coming up puns with the name Fiona

All I can think of/find is shrek jokes and "The owner/Fiona" puns. It would be great if you guys can help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChungGordon11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuvSingh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
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Never trust an atom, they make up everything!
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πŸ“…︎ May 01
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