The mods have a new way of improving the jokes we submit. They now add smell to all the jokes and rate them according to their odour. One mod adds some floral funniness, another tweaks them with sweet smile appeal and a third makes sure they contain a few obnoxious puns.
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
Gradually improving at binary
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
I've practiced firing my shotgun a lot but I don't think I'm improving.
A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
My son improved the glue joke, "Hows that new glue"
Son: "It's holding up."
He rattles these off as I read r/dadjokes to him
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My doctor told me that I was going to have to make some sacrifices to improve my health....
Anyone know if he meant human or animals ?
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
Carrots may improve your eyes
But booze will double your vision
Viagra is now available in a teabag format. It doesn't improve your performance...
....but it stops your biscuit from getting soft..
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
How do you improve your archery?
With better arrow dynamics.
This Is A Paid advertisement: Have a home project you’re working on? For a limited time, Lowes Home Improvement is now selling Levels 2 for the price of 1!
So, you do understand how constantly treating life like an improv class is unhealthy right?
What do you call a country of male deer with no capacity for self-improvement?
It's true whiskey improves with age.
The older I get the more I like it.
Bought a new padlock to improve my beehive
Now it’s in-bee-leavable!!!
During lockdown my origami skills have improved...
Day 8: I used to be hokey pokey
YOU KNOW YOU’RE A DAD WHEN…
• you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
• you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
• you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
• mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
• you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
• your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
A recipe for a good relationship
My wife and daughter are working on improving the meringue cookie recipe they are using.
I asked if the batter was better and my wife said yes.
So I asked if it had enough sugar or if it was a bitter better batter.
The look on her face was priceless!
I reminded her that she knew my sense of humor before she married me and went through with it anyway.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
I went to the Home Improvement store this weekend and walked past the stud finders...
The noise was unbearable.
Dear Mother in law...Don't teach me how to bring up my children...
I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
Who improved the art of stealing to perfection?
Why does rockstar, Brian Johnson go to the US capital to cool off?
Because there's an AC in DC.
(Someone improve this joke.)
My friend found a sturdy piece of lumber to place within his guitar to improve the vibrations...
My English skills and mental health need improvement, but my math skills are fine.
Me grammar sucks and i is imaginary.
I just invested in a company that will pay me to keep t-bones and rib-eyes in my freezer to sell when the market improves...
I've removed all the black keys from my piano
Hopefully I'll C Major improvement!
Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight
I bought a book on how to improve your memory.
Forgot where I left it.....
Recently, i started learning Spanish
But i can't hola long conversation
They should improve their marketeang
With daily practice, the lumberjack’s musical ability improved
What do you call a doctor who is half man and half horse?
A centaur for disease control
Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.
What kind of vitamin improves your eyesight?
How does a chiropractor improve their craft?
What are the top two things that improve your hearing?
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving
I must admit my wife's cooking has really improved....
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
My ex-wife still misses me
But her aim is starting to improve.
Dear Mother in law,
Don't teach me how to bring up my children. I'm living with one of yours and she needs a lot of improvement.
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