Son : "Hi Dad. I'm hungry", I am prepared for what he has to say.

Dad : let's order some food.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnreese421
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
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My father always taught me to be prepared for any emergency. I was on the ball when the streets flooded...

I was ready and wading!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
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What do you call someone who is prepared to be a father?

Readily A(p)parent

Edit: for clarity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joshandthewolf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24
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Three fruits decided to have a dragrace match. The Lemon prepared by practcing driving skills, the orange by studying the appropriate tecniques, the grape by relaxing in the sun. Who won?

The grape. He was the only one who went raisin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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My favorite toilet paper was discontinued. Nobody prepared me for how much of a pain in the ass it is to find a new favorite.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bensly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.

"Sense us."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
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My friend graduated with a degree in geometry was well prepared for his career as a farmer...

He had bought his protractor in school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
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I figured he should be prepared
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Akangka
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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Never challenge death to a pillow fight. Unless you are prepared for the reaper cushions.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
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I just found out I am going to be a dad so I need to be prepared. Which are the best dad jokes you know?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiph209
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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If you ask a member of the NRA what they think about machine guns, be prepared.

They'll give you an automatic response.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
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I've legitimately practiced for this one. I'm so glad I was prepared when it happened.

I'm a teacher, and due to recent storms we've had a few short-lived blackouts.

Today in class the electricity was being fixed by the company and they had to shut the lights off for a few minutes.

Secretary (comes in the room): were there any problems with the lights off?

Me (I've got this, I'm ready!): No, we were delighted.

The secretary left, paused outside and then came back in with the worst glare possible. Yes!!!

Thank you guys, I was prepared.

Edit: Front page!!! Awesome! This is the highlight of my day! Keep your puns coming, I love them all (and I'm secretly practicing them for the proper opportunity).

Thank you so much /user/x9x9x9x9x9 for the gold! It made everything that much better.

Keep your puns coming you guys (especially teachers!).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sal6a
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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What did the President say when his prepared remarks got blown away by the wind?

Nothing, he was speechless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Liams_Nissan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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I’ve prepared a musical number for all the dads out there.

Three

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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My girlfriend and I are having a pregnancy scare, and she's better prepared to be a father than I am.

Last night while discussing our options and what could possibly happen, she said "I have such a gut feeling I'm pregnant" and gave me the slyest look I've ever seen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArranMars
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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Always Be Prepared
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ze-skywalker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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Grandpa, telling war stories: So there we were, 2 versus 100. We were in a corner, but prepared carefully and started strong...

Killed them both.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Remember dads to be prepared for tomorrow.

It’s a fourth to be reckoned with.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mlnkoly111
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2018
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I confessed to my family that I frequently drink until I black out only to find that I have prepared a gourmet spaghetti dinner.

I guess you could say, I drink to spaghett.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaneaaronj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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My dad was somehow prepared to drop this once in a lifetime line...

The circumstances for this joke were so specific I don't think it will ever be repeated.

Yesterday morning I stopped by my parent's house and my mom had just made coffee. She buys "raw unfiltered honey" from a local farmers market to sweeten the coffee. First she handed my dad his cup, then she was about to put a spoonful of honey in mine when she stopped and said "there's something in this honey!"

I looked at it and it was literally a bee's hairy little leg. I looked in the jar and found one more. I said "its no big deal, im sure its fine", then I picked out the legs. Just then my dad takes a big sip and makes an "Ahhh" sound like he's satisfied. He then holds up the cup and smiles at us like he's in a 1950's Folgers commercial and says "This coffee is the BEE'S KNEES!"

It was epic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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Not a dad, but I think I am prepared... Well everyone in line thought so anyway.

This starts and ends at the local coffee shop I go to on the way to work. My cashier takes my order; sausage, egg & cheese with salt, pepper, ketchup and hot sauce, on toasted rye. She taps away for a moment on the iPad POS then looks up and says "and a name for the sandwich?" to which I quickly raise my chest and proclaim "Breakfast!". To this all 6 people in the shop, including the cashier started chuckling.

[drop mic]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fractalphony
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
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I'm not even a father yet, but I feel like I'm prepared

Friend A: What'd y'all do this summer?

Friend B: I studied abroad.

Me: Was she at least nice about it?

^^I'm ^^so ^^sorry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sabard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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Even at weddings he is prepared.

We are at a wedding, the bride and groom have yet to walk down the alter when I look at my father...

Me: "Crap. How much time do I have to go to the bathroom?"

Dad: "Pee now or forever hold your piss."

All veteran fathers rapidly blew air from their noses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_fatties
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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I told my dad to split the bill. Needless to say he was well prepared for this dad moment.

http://imgur.com/HYNNnxf

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ownage5557
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2015
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Wife turned the tables and Dad Joked me on our evening walk. I was not prepared...

Wife: We should take the short cut this time.

Me: Short cut? But who would want to cut things short?

Wife: ...a hair dresser?

Wow.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McDermit
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2014
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My dad was prepared at dinner

Mom: "Our dog is a pain in the a**" Me: "Why?" Mom: "Well i ran into 2 dogs today at the park..." Dad-"Where they hurt?"

(Not the best but i chuckled a little bit; also long time browser, 1st time poster)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zarkan80
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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In my defence I was super tired this morning and definitely not prepared for being dad-joked at 6am.

I had just entered the kitchen and my dad was about to go out the front door, when he suddenly turned to me and simply said "pussy".

Me: "for what?"

Dad: "Pussy!"

Me: "I don't get it!"

And THEN HE JUST WALKED AWAY giggling like he always does, and slammed the door. My last words were just echoing in my head after the complete silence he'd left me in, which made it so much more embarrassing.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2015
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I feel like I am fully prepared to be a father some day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PARANOiA_300
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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Auditing professor has his first kid on the way. He is prepared.

My auditing professor created a fictitious dog food company for us to audit because he has two golden retrievers he mentions pretty often. A student jokingly asks, "If your dogs eat this food, would that make them stakeholders in the company?" He replied, "Yes, they love steak."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jsfinegan91
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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