My dad, who can not cook to save his life, after failing to boil eggs:
To my mom: hey honey, are these hardboiled eggs? There more like hard-to-boil eggs. Hahaha
What do wilderness survival experts use to cook their burgers
What’s the White House cook’s favorite subreddit
Nauru is the most obese country in the world, followed by the Cook Islands.
Does that mean that the Cook Islands have a fat chance of catching up?
What does Chewbacca cook his food in?
What do you call an Arby's cook who leaves to work for McDonald's?
"You wanna cook the pasta right,"
"Or I'll-dente my teeth."
Brought to you by my dad.
Just found out lesbians actually cook.
I thought they just ate out..
How do you cook a dramatic steak?
What does Pac-Man like to cook with?
One of my friends asked "what's the best way to cook an alligator?"
How long does it take to cook naan bread?
Why don't cannibals cook their food?
They prefer raw men.
Why Did The Cook Want to Become a Writer?
Because he wanted to flip the script!
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.
What do you cook fries with?
How did they know that Blackbeard's cook was Italian?
Because his only spice was AAARRgano.
My wife's an abysmal cook. She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes...
She made a right hash of it.
How does Fozzy the Bear cook his food?
All my crabs were pissed at me after I told them I must cook and eat them...
I cook my food by myself, wash my dishes by myself, and tidy my house myself.
One can say that I am 'self-maid'
Whenever I cook, I'm always left with excess herbs.
Guess I just have great Thyme management.
What did the lactose intolerant queen say when the cook served her mac n cheese?
Why do I always cook my deer meat at medium rare instead of medium?
There is so much more flavor that way, It’s really a game changer.
What do you get when a russian black-magician tries to cook canadian food?
You get a ras***poutine***
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
I applied for a job as a short order cook...
...but I didn’t get the job. They said I was too tall.
What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?
When your mom said “Get you a man that can cook”...
She didn’t mean crack or meth, Karen.
I am such an amazing cook...
even the smoke alarm cheers me on!
What kind of oven doesn't cook food evenly?
How do astronauts cook their meals?
Someone asked me why I use lots of spices whenever I cook
So I said thyme is of the essence
Why wouldn't the Army cook ever serve cake, ice cream or pies?
He was afraid of being charged with dessert-tion.
What do you call a woman who loves to cook up trouble?
The farmer decided to cook the meanest cow he had
I was gonna cook some garlic butter mushrooms, you know, spice up a meal
Then I realised, ain’t anybody got thyme for that.
I thought my nephew couldn't cook fish.
What does an alligator cook in?
Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?
Because they prefer raw men.
What's the best way to cook alligator?