My dad, who can not cook to save his life, after failing to boil eggs:

To my mom: hey honey, are these hardboiled eggs? There more like hard-to-boil eggs. Hahaha

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Meddream99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
What do wilderness survival experts use to cook their burgers

Bear Grills

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/carcival
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What’s the White House cook’s favorite subreddit

R/Forbiddensnacks

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
Nauru is the most obese country in the world, followed by the Cook Islands.

Does that mean that the Cook Islands have a fat chance of catching up?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bananarang1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
What does Chewbacca cook his food in?

In ewok.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pronik
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Arby's cook who leaves to work for McDonald's?

An Arbitrator.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
"You wanna cook the pasta right,"

"Or I'll-dente my teeth."

Brought to you by my dad.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KarmaOkami
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found out lesbians actually cook.

I thought they just ate out..

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you cook a dramatic steak?

Well done done done.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonnySwo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Pac-Man like to cook with?

A wok a wok a wok a wok.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my friends asked "what's the best way to cook an alligator?"

I said, "in a croc pot".

πŸ‘︎ 151
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you cook a bear?

With bearnaise sauce.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
How long does it take to cook naan bread?

Unleven minutes

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JuanSancock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't cannibals cook their food?

They prefer raw men.

(ramen).

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Why Did The Cook Want to Become a Writer?

Because he wanted to flip the script!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dezorg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.

Because it's For a Yam!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you cook fries with?

Lots of de-grease.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Antihuman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
How did they know that Blackbeard's cook was Italian?

Because his only spice was AAARRgano.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SkidWilly86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife's an abysmal cook. She tried combining corned beef, onions and potatoes...

She made a right hash of it.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
How does Fozzy the Bear cook his food?

In a Wok-a Wok-a Wok-a

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ravendemyseri
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
All my crabs were pissed at me after I told them I must cook and eat them...

They were steamed!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I cook my food by myself, wash my dishes by myself, and tidy my house myself.

One can say that I am 'self-maid'

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zilver-alpha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I cook, I'm always left with excess herbs.

Guess I just have great Thyme management.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yourpaljenkins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the lactose intolerant queen say when the cook served her mac n cheese?

How dairy!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do I always cook my deer meat at medium rare instead of medium?

There is so much more flavor that way, It’s really a game changer.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarnOldTramp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when a russian black-magician tries to cook canadian food?

You get a ras***poutine***

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_roh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?

"It was a wok in the park."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ragna_Blade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I applied for a job as a short order cook...

...but I didn’t get the job. They said I was too tall.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youtellmebob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a class that teaches how to cook and eat people?

A cannibal lecture.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kailyncookie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When your mom said β€œGet you a man that can cook”...

She didn’t mean crack or meth, Karen.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I need to cook faster.

I’m running out of thyme

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yurastupidbitch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I am such an amazing cook...

even the smoke alarm cheers me on!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SyncingShiip
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of oven doesn't cook food evenly?

A baker's doesn't.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KinG-Mu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How do astronauts cook their meals?

With a Space Heater!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone asked me why I use lots of spices whenever I cook

So I said thyme is of the essence

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why wouldn't the Army cook ever serve cake, ice cream or pies?

He was afraid of being charged with dessert-tion.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman who loves to cook up trouble?

Miss-chef

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/T1M3Tim
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The farmer decided to cook the meanest cow he had

It made excellent jerky!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was gonna cook some garlic butter mushrooms, you know, spice up a meal

Then I realised, ain’t anybody got thyme for that.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought my nephew couldn't cook fish.

He "cod" me by surprise.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ishmam7and7
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What does an alligator cook in?

A crock-pot.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rick--Diculous
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't Japanese cannibals cook their food?

Because they prefer raw men.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/leif_hans
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to cook alligator?

In a crock pot.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KiwiCandle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report

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