If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be.
No need to remind her every half hour.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
I’m ready for the egg puns
Why is everyone depressed and ready for the year to end?
Because 2021.
I hope this is OC. Havent looked though.
How do you know a robot is ready for sex?
Its floppy disk becomes a hard drive.
(Credit to a comment u/drerar made)
When French people make bread, they throw the dough at the window to see if it's ready to bake
I guess that's why they call it window pain.
I am finally ready to accept applications for my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
My girlfriend says I'm ready to be a Dad
I was watching TV with my hispanic girlfriend and on the show we were watching a guy gave a girl a danish (little pastry with fruit). My girlfriend said that while it looked pretty tasty and good, she's not much of a Danish person and I said, "Well, probably because you're hispanic.."
I immediately texted my dad the joke as well.
How do the Obama’s know when dinner is ready?
They can smell what Barack is cooking.
Which state is always ready to write?
I think i am ready to become a dad
A Bull and a cow were getting ready for bed.
The bull insistent on having sex until the female cow replied.
“ Honey I’m not in the moood.”
I uh I’m gonna go now.
I always know when my Indian flat bread is ready without looking.
Guess I'm a Naan prophet.
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
You’ve heard of alphabet soup now get ready for....
How do you know you're ready to become a dad?
I'm so ready to be a dad
I really want to have a daughter and name her Zelda.
I imagine, as she gets older she will spend all her time writing sick poetry and rhymes in her journal, growing her hair down to her back, not to spite me, but so she can donate it later, and expand her wit by studying improv comedy through highschool.
As she becomes famous, I hope she will invite me to one of her rap battles and put me in the front row. My heart will grow as she takes the stage, but fatherly intuition tells me something is wrong...Zelda is frozen at the microphone.
I see her up on the stage, eyes alight with fright, hair pulled tight into a bun. She and I lock eyes, a moment of silence passes and serenity slowly enters...THIS is the moment we have been waiting for all our lives.
Looking up calmly, I couldn't be more proud as I exclaim, "Rap puns, Zel. Rap puns, Zel! Let down your hair!"
You've heard of Wooly Willy, now get ready for...
Went to pop a couple anti-inflammatory pills while getting ready for work and wife asks which brand I wanted
I said, “I’m taking Advil before Aleeve”
Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.
Because she’s all dressed.
Did you hear about the couple getting ready for a day in the desert?
They were dunesday preppers.
My 9 month pregnant wife is ready to have our child any day now, but they just won’t come. She’s tried everything she can at this point. Sex, walking, dancing, spicy foods, etc... So when I asked her what I could do to help she said “any means necessary.”
To which I replied “No it doesn’t.”
Trump and Pence were preparing to leave the Whitehouse for a big rally. When the helicopter arrived, Trump wasn't ready yet, so Pence asked: "Do you want me to wait for you Mr. President?" ...
"No Mike, you fly on ahead and I'll catch up later".
You've heard of toodaloo, now get ready for:
Are you ready for the upcoming Zoom meeting?
I was all ready to host a limbo contest, but then I found out that someone stole my special limbo bar.
I mean, how low can you go?
How does Chipotle' inform their customers that their order is ready?
I had this whole joke ready about birds, but I forgot it.
Guess I have to wing it now.
THEY ARE NOT READY FOR SIEGE
Barbecued chicken is almost ready.
As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...
"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"
The missus just told me airlines are selling their ready meals to the public.
Dad: They'll never take off.
My SO: "Can I get you a plate ready for the dinner?"
WAITER: are you ready to order?
DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew
WAITER: only if you promise not to say “waiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it
...
DAD: I’ll have the chicken
You can order bathroom fixtures online and have someone at you door in a couple days ready to install it,
When getting ready to leave the restaurant, our hot waitress noticed by leftovers and asked: “do you wanna box for that?”
I said: “I’d rather wrestle for it”.
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom...
....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
Why isn't cotton ready for harvest in March?
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.
Cooking a roast chicken in the oven but the potatoes aren't ready
They needed another ten minutes
My mum commented" That won't do the chicken any harm"
I responded with...
"It's already dead"
What does Robin say to Batman when supper is ready?
“Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!”
What does Robin say to Batman when supper was ready?
“Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!”
I am finally ready to open my deer cloning business...
It's for anyone looking to make a quick buck.
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