Because of all the cut backs.
I think it was Scampoo.
A premeditated murder
Now there's a tiring job.
They say it's gone anti-viral.
I have to say, I had grave reservations when I left.
We call him "Ad Hawk"
Mum was out shopping and calling Dad excitedly at some new bedding she'd found. "It's so us, it will help your back, and it looks so so so comfortable. Come on, we've not had new bedding in years. I've chosen this amazing bed, sheets that go perfectly with our room. There's a deal where they throw in extras, like a U shaped pillow and then......."
Dad cut her off mid-flow and shouted "OK! Do it! Let's get it!"
He relayed the conversation back to us and said he was really excited.
Weeks later when the bed finally arrived he stood watching her unwrap the parts. I was just outside the room. He waited for his cue and when she opened the U shaped pillow - boom - he hit it,
"It looks nothing like me!" He shouted.
He turned to me and winked "totally worth it" he grinned at me.
..............…
I was confused.
................
He said "when I heard about the U shaped pillow I was so sold on the joke I had to let her buy it all".
Yeah... Nice one dad........
Santa doesn’t come on Halloween, Nor’easter.
My fiancee and I were eating dinner at IHOP and she made a comment about getting full.
I told her there was no need to stuff herself just because she is pregnant.
She said, No. I think I can finish my plate and I'll be fine."
I responded with, "Sweetheart, I don't recommend eating plates they aren't good for the baby."
Her eyes rolled so hard I thought for sure they'd fall out. Needless to say I can't wait to be a father.
Tonight at dinner, she looked at our 13 year old and said "We should make buns for Thanksgiving"
He paused for just a second, then responded "So, that would be mother-son bunding time?"
She sighed.
He went on a 'rhoid rage.
I said "probably Lee or Levis." I laughed for about 5 minutes.
... The queen ant had had the ants organized into battalions specialized to collect specific items. So the sugar ants were to collect sugar, jaggery ants jaggery, cereal ants cereals, and so on. However, all were given a strict instruction - nobody was to take even a single pea from humans in any case. Why? The queen didn't want a peas-ant revolution happening.
http://imgur.com/7biExap
Boss (to colleague on the phone) -"Make sure you check all the trees"
Me - "Make sure he checks the fours as well"
I feel ready
"I just want to go out with a smokin' hot body."
Good one, dad.
