Wasn't really planning on laughing today, til I saw this!! xD
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rahs-izdumb
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Your grandparents are planning their funeral arrangements in advance. Grandma wants to be transported in a horse and carriage grandpa wants a Ferrari.

Setting up to be a real race to the finish but I think Grandpa is winning this one.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gherkinstein
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Apparently, the producers of The Flintstones were planning to make one final episode where Fred’s brother marries Barney’s brother.

It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans weren’t yet ready to have a gay old time.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm planning to open my own healthy food and supplements store.

It's called Swole Foods.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/basementmatt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m planning a paint themed party for my friend, any paint/art themed puns I can use for the invitations?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MannnOfHammm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.

I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhnrmn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m planning a trip to the Farsi-speaking part of Ontario

I’ve always wanted to visit the Persian Guelph

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RuncibleJones
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Space X is planning to send a bunch of cattle into orbit.

It will be the herd shot 'round the world.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OccamsBeard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard someone was planning a murder

I was worried until I found out he was a Crow

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandy_wizard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I bought a massive Christmas tree at the weekend. The guy in the store asked "Are you planning on putting it up yourself?"

I said "Nah, I'll probably just put it up in the living room"

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kreevbik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn't originally planning on getting a brain transplant

But then I changed my mind

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been planning meals in advance a lot lately..

..and it has given me food forethought.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my dad that I was planning to move to the Arctic circle for a few months.

He said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My barber is planning an ultimate terror, fright theme for his shop this Halloween

I bet it will be a hair razing experience.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rpdaca
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is planning to do vasectomies on killer whales.

But he prefers the term orchestrating

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm planning a charity event for people who can't ejaculate.

Just let me know if you can't come.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HyperGameGuy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, β€œWhat are you going to do when you see it?”

I said, β€œLet’s cross that bridge when we get there.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I wqs planning to make a joke about an aircraft's aerofoils, but then I thought...

"I'll wing it"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
& I am planning to replace the laptop
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepunnisters
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was planning to wash the bathroom, but it was getting late

...so she had to scrub it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddrcoder
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
If you think Marvel is planning to clone Benjamin J. Grimm,

you've got another Thing coming.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Canada is planning a mission to the moon

We're calling our spaceship the Apollo-G.

πŸ‘︎ 176
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I was planning to get into gardening

But I haven’t botany plants

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bogtownboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
It’s been a busy day, so I was planning on making some herbal tea..

But I just can’t seem to find the thyme!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElKaboutertje1991
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
🚨︎ report
This Halloween I was planning to go as a band aid, but decided against it.

It’s really hard to pull off.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Coworkers were planning lunch orders

Boss asked for a number 7, coworker asked what it was, I replied with the one after a number 6

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirDianthus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Sir, you can’t give me a ticket for speeding. I am planning to run a Marathon today.

Cop: Stop playing the race card.

πŸ‘︎ 562
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to the grocery store today, planning to steal some aluminum.

My plans were foiled by the police.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I was planning to buy my kids a jack-in-the-box for Christmas

But after looking for hours, I decided to pass. Nothing really jumped out at me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flappypappus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm planning on starting a discount amputation clinic

I'm gonna call it Half Off For Half Off

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokycash
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My new nightclub for giants finally opened. It took over 7 years of planning and we only had one rule...

It was no small feat!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are boxers really good at planning parties?

They always have the best punch.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmTurbanMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I had neurosurgery in May. I wonder how long he was planning this... imgur.com/8E4ICUk
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mjr861
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
🚨︎ report
I was planning on having chicken for dinner but I forgot to take it out of the freezer.

It wasn’t a well thawed out plan.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the latest thing Donald Trump is trying to do? He’s planning to ban shredded cheese.

He just wants to make America grate again.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Impulse-impulse
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally got around to reading a book about planning my day...

It's about time...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatokingXII
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A husband and wife architect team were planning their next project . . .

The domineering wife thought the house needed a cantilevered balcony while the husband thought that it would ruin the aesthetic of the design. She told him he was an idiot and to keep his mouth shut. His friends hated to see her treat him so badly.
They always said β€œWhy cantilever?”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The astrophysics class I was planning to take filled up before I could sign up. Now I have to take something else.

It’s not Rocket Science.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a couple that practices natural family planning?

Suddenly qualified to tell dad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dukeofgibbon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm planning a parody TV show of Stranger Things, but starring river-based forest creatures.

I'm calling it Otter Stuff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poorloko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate it when people ask me what I'm planning to do next year.

How would I know, I don't have 2020 vision.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILoveReksai
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend is planning to sue the hardware store for selling him a bunch of buckets with holes in them.

Personally, I don’t think his argument holds water.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
NBC is planning an old-fashioned sitcom about Abraham Lincoln.

It will be shot before a live audience.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
I wasn't originally planning to get a brain transplant

But then I changed my mind

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my mom that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for the next few months.

She said, β€œI don’t like your latitude.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn't planning on getting a brain transplant

But then I changed my mind

πŸ‘︎ 529
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πŸ‘€︎ u/henzhou
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2017
🚨︎ report

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