When the budget for Christmas tree is tide
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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Some filmmakers were secretly trying to murder the lead actor in a low-budget flick, but he got wind of the plot and managed to escape. They took the existing footage and shopped it to different producers, but it was roundly rejected by everyone for the same reason.

It wasn't up to snuff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
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If Kenny Loggins was to open a budget hotel complex in the woods...

.. Would they be called Kenny Log Inns?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumthumsinaction
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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I wanted to raise my weekly budget, but realized I can't..

Because I can't lift more than Β£50!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andianopolis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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The medical examiner’s office was told to reduce their budget

So they had to cut coroners.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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I guess there were budget cuts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SarahJBP
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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I can't believe how high the US mint's budget is.

But I guess you have to spend money to make money

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreg13567
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Due to cuts in the education budget, they've decided to simplify the alphabet, reducing it to just two vowels and one consonant...

...but don't worry, everything's going to be A-OK!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BluPrince
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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I heard the Hoover Dam is cutting back on janitors due to budget cuts.

It's a dam dirty shame.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pixelplated
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
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The other day, Egypt's old bus broke down. So the school used its budget to get Anubis.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mugsofjoe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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Ky low-budget Ren imgur.com/a/YXYUi
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobocheese88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
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Did you hear they're making a low-budget version of Dunkirk?

They're calling it Dunkirkland

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nextzero182
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
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I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver.

So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reg182
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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I saw an ad for low budget notice boards

Never a good sign

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessionalEntry
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2018
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My mate and I were talking about our budgets for the month

And I had to throw in my two cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JusticarUkrist
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
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If ostrich my budget, I could afford this imgur.com/gallery/1EUrg
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ew_modemac
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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How do you turn soup into gold?

Add 24 carrots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
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Did you hear about the constipated accountant ...

He couldn’t budget.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
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Why was the financial advisor the strongest man in the world?

He couldn’t lift a mountain, but he could budget.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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I used to be a financial advisor for the military..

One time a contractor approached me and asked if I wanted to buy some panzers that his company built.

I considered it for a while but remembered that the air force needed to get new fighter jets.

I turn back to the contractor and say, β€œsorry, but we just don’t have enough room in the budget. Thanks but no tanks.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Bandit_TFR
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Flirting for dads

I took my dog called Pilky (named after Karl Pilkington) for a walk in the park. We stopped for a minute so he could have some fun in the grass, when this girl walks by.

Her: What a cutie

Me: Thanks, I just had a new haircut.

She gives me a puzzled look when suddenly she gets it.

She: that's funny.

Me: No, that's Pilky.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jellevdv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2014
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Did you hear about the underfunded fitness movie?

I hear it ran on a hamstring budget.

(rimshot).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wheeler_the_llama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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So tearable

Trainer-Why aren't you progressing with your muscle building? Me- I don't take protein Its 'whey' out of my budget.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beltwithoutpajama
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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Understanding Disney Villains

I really think Disney Villains are misunderstood. You have to respect how they pursue their passions. They usually have henchmen or β€œemployees” so I’m guessing there’s a compensation system in place and they are managing a budget to fund all their evil campaigns. And what business model did they have to follow? Was there an Ursula before Ursula? I don’t think so. These villains are business visionaries and they deserve such respect.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sesmith420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
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I'm opening a musical on Broadway about puns soon...

but due to budget cuts it may just end up being a play on words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keauxbi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2017
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Dad,why does that actors wound look so fake?

Budget cuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/divineshower12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
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Dad joked my wife and son. Feeling very proud.

Okay so today is payday and my wife and I were making up our budget. My son (2 years old) comes over and takes the pen trying to color on my wife's notebook. We turn it to a blank page and just let him go crazy.

He then starts trying to color on himself, marking a line on his forehead.

I take the pen and say, "No Joshua! That's where I, (looked at my wife when I said this next part) DRAW THE LINE." Wife groaned, my son wined for a bit, I laughed my ass off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HobbyLobbyAtheist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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My 87 year old grandpa has still got it

We were talking about the government shutdown when he said....

"Well congress tried to move the bill through the house but they couldn't budget."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeltrane
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2013
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Why was the accountant constipated?

Because he couldn't budget.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zamibe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
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