Couldn't believe I got funding for my new bedding and rope project.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
It's important never to cut funding for gritters.
Once you lose one it's a slippery slope.
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︎ Feb 08 2021
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
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︎ Jul 05 2019
I secured funding to build the new city airport
Things are starting to take off around here
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︎ Oct 06 2019
I finally got funding for my dictionary based stage production, "Pun: A Play On Words"
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︎ Aug 20 2016
How did bush fund his campaign?
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︎ May 03 2021
Gatorade should run some kind of charity promotion where they raise funds to help preserve endangered species of alligator.
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︎ Feb 23 2021
Hedge fund
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︎ Jan 29 2021
I once lived in a tax payer funded gated community.
I was released for good behavior.
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︎ Jan 21 2021
All this drama with hedge funds has me wondering?
Are they the same thing as my landscaping budget?
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︎ Jan 28 2021
How did they fund four weddings and a funeral?
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︎ Oct 06 2020
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
BREAKING :: Lebanese President Michel Aoun states there will be no additional disaster relief funds for those affected by blast.
A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
Iβm saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...
Itβs my retirement hedge fund.
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︎ Apr 20 2021
Why is the financial meeting never boring?
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︎ Apr 18 2021
Iβd love to start a cheese business
π︎ 11
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︎ Apr 08 2021
If the government included a clutch of baby chickens along with the stimulus funds...
Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?
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︎ May 03 2020
Lately Iβve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.
Iβm starting my own hedge fund.
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︎ Feb 03 2021
Why can't ants fund illegal activities ?
They have Anti Money Laundering
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︎ Apr 27 2020
The fisherman used all funds from fish sales to buy collections of audio recordings issued as a single item on CD...
He sold his sole for rock'n'roll.
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︎ Dec 19 2019
My son asked me β Dad did you get a haircut?β
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︎ Jul 13 2020
[OC (I think)] What do you call the child of a civil engineer?
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︎ Feb 05 2021
What was the mental health hospital's primary charity program?
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︎ Feb 02 2021
I gave some dude the money I'd saved to to buy bushes to line my property. I'd introduce you, but
my hedge fund manager hates reddit.
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︎ Feb 03 2021
My kids wanted me to play monster
So I told them I gambled away their college fund and slept with their aunt
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︎ Jan 31 2021
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...
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︎ Nov 28 2020
It shall commence on 4/20
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︎ Mar 19 2018
What do you get when you cross a cat with an octopus?
A visit from the ethics department and immediate withdrawal of your funding.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
I went to a fund raiser for dolphins recently. Since it was Florida, canopies protected the participants from the sun. The mayor got up to speak.
He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."
Something like that might be a good joke... someday...
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︎ May 24 2019
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.
I admit it was a crappy thing to do.
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︎ Sep 15 2018
Never donate to a blind children's fund
It's not like they will see any of it anyway.
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︎ Oct 04 2018
I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...
Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?
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︎ Jul 15 2020
My kid was trying to start a landscaping business
He just needed some seed funding
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︎ May 16 2020
My son is saving his money for an Icee.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 30 2020
TIL Ozzy Osborne, famous musician, funded the first ever soda in space.
He called it "Barq's at the Moon"
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︎ Jun 24 2017
Iβve been setting aside money to buy some boxwood shrubs.
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Teucrium Corn Fund
The other day, I was researching the stock market because I thought it wise to start investing at an early age. After hours of research and going through the myriad shares I could buy, I passed by one that caught my eye...the Teucrium Corn Fund. I could invest in corn, that'll surely stay steady, everyone needs corn! However, after awhile of second guessing myself, as I often do, I decided that I hold off on the stock market until I did more research and study. Yes, I'll invest in corn stocks when I have an ear for it.
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︎ Jul 05 2017
Getting really annoyed now, this is the 6th ATM I've been to thats had "insufficient funds"!!
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︎ Jul 17 2017
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! Iβll be putting this in my little oneβs Reddit Scholarship Fund!
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︎ Jan 09 2019
What do you call a bunch of crows gathering money?
π︎ 14
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︎ Mar 04 2020
If you don't want to buy something because it will fund a condescending king...
... then you don't want to patronise a patronising patron.
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︎ Aug 11 2015
Signed up for my company's 401k
but I'm nervous cuz I've never ran that far before
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︎ Feb 26 2020
How does the Grammar Nazi party fund it's government?
π︎ 21
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︎ Apr 09 2014
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes
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︎ Jun 29 2020
Did you read about that girl from Alaska who turned down a scholarship from a Native American scholarship fund?
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︎ Nov 26 2014
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