Couldn't believe I got funding for my new bedding and rope project.

I sheet you knot

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/generiatric123
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
It's important never to cut funding for gritters.

Once you lose one it's a slippery slope.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nirdle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.

I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalibabka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I secured funding to build the new city airport

Things are starting to take off around here

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally got funding for my dictionary based stage production, "Pun: A Play On Words"
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tourdefranz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
How did bush fund his campaign?

Hedge funds

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arakashi_moku
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Gatorade should run some kind of charity promotion where they raise funds to help preserve endangered species of alligator.

Gator-aid.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funkbuster_G
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
Hedge fund
πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGreatChromeGod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
🚨︎ report
I once lived in a tax payer funded gated community.

I was released for good behavior.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sal_Mandeni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
All this drama with hedge funds has me wondering?

Are they the same thing as my landscaping budget?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carpe__Cerevisi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
How did they fund four weddings and a funeral?

A Huge Grant

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gay-George
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.

It comes in two very large dosey-doses.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING :: Lebanese President Michel Aoun states there will be no additional disaster relief funds for those affected by blast.

A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerHikes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m saving money for bushes to plant around the yard when my career is over...

It’s my retirement hedge fund.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Why is the financial meeting never boring?

Because it's funds.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
I’d love to start a cheese business

But I lac-tose funds.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaleepoBlues
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
If the government included a clutch of baby chickens along with the stimulus funds...

Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Lately I’ve been storing all my extra change in some bushes outside.

I’m starting my own hedge fund.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Why can't ants fund illegal activities ?

They have Anti Money Laundering

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The fisherman used all funds from fish sales to buy collections of audio recordings issued as a single item on CD...

He sold his sole for rock'n'roll.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me β€œ Dad did you get a haircut?”

Nope I got them all cut.

πŸ‘︎ 595
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aryamanB0506
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
[OC (I think)] What do you call the child of a civil engineer?

A truss fund baby.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acarp6
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
What was the mental health hospital's primary charity program?

It was fund a mental

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atharvanaik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
I gave some dude the money I'd saved to to buy bushes to line my property. I'd introduce you, but

my hedge fund manager hates reddit.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zensunni82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
My kids wanted me to play monster

So I told them I gambled away their college fund and slept with their aunt

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...

It's a mootual fund.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
It shall commence on 4/20
πŸ‘︎ 36k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a cat with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics department and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sikkerhet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a fund raiser for dolphins recently. Since it was Florida, canopies protected the participants from the sun. The mayor got up to speak.

He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."

Something like that might be a good joke... someday...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.

I admit it was a crappy thing to do.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Never donate to a blind children's fund

It's not like they will see any of it anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_r628
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid was trying to start a landscaping business

He just needed some seed funding

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dashover
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My son is saving his money for an Icee.

It's a slush fund.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL Ozzy Osborne, famous musician, funded the first ever soda in space.

He called it "Barq's at the Moon"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notFarkus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
🚨︎ report
I’ve been setting aside money to buy some boxwood shrubs.

It’s my hedge fund.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobs_clam_rodeo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Teucrium Corn Fund

The other day, I was researching the stock market because I thought it wise to start investing at an early age. After hours of research and going through the myriad shares I could buy, I passed by one that caught my eye...the Teucrium Corn Fund. I could invest in corn, that'll surely stay steady, everyone needs corn! However, after awhile of second guessing myself, as I often do, I decided that I hold off on the stock market until I did more research and study. Yes, I'll invest in corn stocks when I have an ear for it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sioswing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Getting really annoyed now, this is the 6th ATM I've been to thats had "insufficient funds"!!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrocket
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."

My first official dad joke.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of crows gathering money?

Crowd funding

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
If you don't want to buy something because it will fund a condescending king...

... then you don't want to patronise a patronising patron.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quillo_Manar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Signed up for my company's 401k

but I'm nervous cuz I've never ran that far before

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/y414p
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How does the Grammar Nazi party fund it's government?

Through a syntax.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheeriebomb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
🚨︎ report
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes

I call it my hedge fund

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippyDingleCha1k
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you read about that girl from Alaska who turned down a scholarship from a Native American scholarship fund?

She wasn't that Inuit.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterkeith
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
🚨︎ report

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