They're only called gargoyles if they collect and spout rain water.
They should be called... gargles.
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π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Why did the bank hire a dog that collects sticks?
They needed a new branch manager.
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Why does an otter collect parts for his spaceship?
So he can go to otter space
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︎ Aug 29 2020
sit on flour to collect nectar
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︎ Apr 28 2020
So I used to collect those little cardboard discs with pictures on...
One time I took a bunch of them with me to Abu Dhabi and while most of them were fine one behaved very weirdly, splitting and separating like it was in the humid air of the tropics. Very strange. I even wrote a letter about it to a listings magazine, which began:
"What's On, I commend to your attention the curious incident of the POG in the dry clime."
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︎ Aug 25 2020
What is the difference between a person who works in landscaping and someone who collects coffee?
One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper
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︎ Jun 06 2020
I try to take my mermaid friends out of Atlantis every now and then to explore the coral reefs, wreckages and collect some shells, but they hesitate to do so...
I think they're a bit shellf conchess
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︎ May 18 2020
I collect clocks. I currently have 37.
I'm pretty good at time-keeping
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︎ Jan 01 2020
I collect rocks, and recently I found a rock that was 1760 yards long
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︎ Aug 17 2019
A person who collects ancient roman memorabilia is a
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︎ Oct 31 2019
Hoping to collect on insurance, I bought a bumper sticker for my old car saying, "Please Steal Me." Unfortunately it didn't work.
They stole the sticker and left the car.
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︎ Oct 20 2019
i collect ties with chickens on them
i brag to friends about my hen tie collection at home.
....a friend pointed out that one of my hen ties actually has a cock and not a hen.
i quipped that in tie land, it can be hard to tell them apart.
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︎ Aug 18 2019
I have a friend who told me he collects large ancient Greek instruments in his free time
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︎ Jul 02 2019
Working at sams club i would collect boxes as they would empty. A customer came up to me and said "can i have a few of those flat boxes? I use them when i change my car oil so it doesnt stain my floor."
So I say "of course, that's a great idea. That's really thinking outside the box."
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︎ Aug 18 2019
What do you call wasps that collect honey?
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︎ Apr 12 2018
When women hit a certain age they start to collect lots of cats.
Otherwise known as the many-paws.
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︎ Dec 04 2018
What's the difference between someone who takes care of bees and someone who collects the souls of the dead?
One bee keeper the other be reaper.
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︎ Jun 15 2019
I collect rare pennies....
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︎ Nov 16 2015
We were talking about water shortage, and my wife said, β Why donβt we dig a hole outside to collect rain water?β
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︎ May 27 2018
I used to collect crash mats
I donβt anymore, but itβs nice to have something to fall back on.
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 21 2019
Why did Batman collect different types of metals?
Because he was an ore fan.
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︎ Aug 08 2018
My son collects baseball memorabilia, so I got him a vintage Yogi Berra glove for his birthday.
He thought it was fake, but I assured him it's legit a mitt.
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︎ Jan 07 2019
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
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︎ Jan 07 2019
I used to collect furniture.
But then all my ottomans turned into turkeys.
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 30 2018
I'm a dad, and I collect dad jokes as if they were works of art. Here is my latest acquisition.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Nov 02 2013
When I'm single I go straight to the farm and collect eggs
It's the best place to pick up chicks.
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 01 2018
Which food collects your personal data?
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︎ Apr 16 2018
Why didn't the scarecrow collect his award?
He was out standing in his field.
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︎ Aug 25 2018
βI collect vintage time pieces.
When I see one I like at online auction, I put it on my watch list.β
π︎ 7
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︎ May 14 2017
What do you call someone who collects ghost novels?
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︎ Nov 01 2016
I used to collect cacti...
but agave that up years ago.
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︎ Jul 06 2017
A friend of mine collects blunt pencils...
Personally I find his hobby a bit pointless...
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︎ Dec 09 2016
A Collect Call
When we were on a family vacation years ago my sister's new boyfriend made a Collect call so he could talk to her. She comes running in the room gushing, "Tommy called me Collect!"
Dad says, "Pssh...Why would you waste your time on a guy that doesn't even know your name?"
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︎ Apr 06 2014
Watching a show where researchers collect bugs using a large cotton cloth dragged over the grass to count them
Dad - Guess you could call that a tick sheet
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︎ Aug 17 2014
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