A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 23 2021
The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins
They have no common cents
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︎ Jan 13 2021
A friend of mine has starting collecting mirrors
Personally, I don't know what he sees in them.
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︎ Feb 03 2021
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..
..but I've already got that one.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I have started collecting old settees....
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︎ Dec 25 2020
I used to have a job collecting leaves
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︎ Sep 04 2020
I once went on a date that ended with me and the girl sleeping together. After sex she lit a cigarette and told me me all about her hobby: collecting roadkill and pinning it to her wall. Well, there's no way I could see her after that...
Smoking is such a turn off.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Collecting Impressionist art is a pricey hobby.
It requires a lot of monet.
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Im going to start collecting highlighters
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︎ Jul 24 2020
Iβm never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
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︎ Feb 18 2019
Later in Forrest Gumpβs life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.
It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.
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︎ May 18 2020
I found out why everyone is collecting TP
Itβs because an asteroid might hit us next month. ..... and ... paper always beats rock
π︎ 72
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︎ Mar 25 2020
i love collecting political trading cards
the one of the president of the united states is definitely my trump card
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︎ Apr 08 2020
Recently Iβve been collecting cans in the park and crushing them down to save space.
My wife insists I need to find a hobby thatβs not soda pressing
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︎ Feb 15 2020
The animated flick about honey collecting insects from 2007 wasn't a blockbuster...
... because it was a Bee movie.
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︎ Dec 15 2019
Iβve decided never to give a donation to people collecting for a marathon.
They just take the money and run.
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︎ Nov 05 2019
Help! I canβt stop collecting Wonder Woman action figures!
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︎ Dec 30 2018
You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.
No weight, that doesn't make any cents...
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︎ May 21 2018
Iβve recently started collecting ice...
Itβs a quickly shrinking hobby.
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︎ Dec 26 2018
My Dad couldn't stop collecting and reading books about The Hobbit.
π︎ 5
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︎ Mar 11 2019
I'm exhausted after running around collecting the first 25 letters of the alphabet in a net...
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︎ Mar 25 2017
My buddy and I used to have jobs collecting leaves.
Boy, we were raking it in.
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 22 2018
Alcoholic Recovery: Collecting More Emptied Bottles
Alternatively:
Alcoholic Recovery: Collecting Bottles, Emptied or Full.
Resolution: Alcoholic Recovery, Collecting Emptied Bottles
Resolution: Alcoholic Recovery, Collecting More Bottles
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 29 2017
When women get old they start collecting cats
This is the dreaded Many Paws stage
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 25 2018
I wish I could get into collecting watches.
I just never have the time.
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︎ Sep 29 2017
During a trip to Canada, I participated in a maple syrup collecting workshop
I wasn't too confident in my tree identification skills, but my instructor said "Oak, aye.". My syrup sure did taste funny though.
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︎ Jan 27 2018
I found a side job collecting dog poo from people's yards.
It's not much, but business is picking up.
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︎ Oct 13 2017
"Daddy, there is a man at the door. He says he is collecting for the nursing home."
"That's perfect. Tell him grandpa is coming in a moment."
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︎ Jun 15 2017
Start collecting mini shots of different alcohol.
I'm going to make a mini bar.
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 23 2017
Stamp collecting
A few days ago, I was with family and Aunt #1 was showing me a book about antique stamps for collectors and the many thousands of dollars some of them cost. When she talked about her stamp collection, I said "That's a sticky habit."
Aunt #2 groaned and said, "What are you? Uncle R (her husband)?"
A few minutes later, I told her, "It's okay. You can address your resentment of stamp-related puns to me. I'm not afraid. [walking to edge of the room] I can take a licking right here in this corner if I have to! C'mon, go postal on me!"
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︎ Oct 07 2014
I Sold my Hoover the other day...... it was only collecting dust!
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︎ Nov 02 2015
While collecting assignments from student's desks I spied one that said, "How do you make a teacher crazy?"(turn over)
Have him turn paper over for no apparent reason.
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︎ Dec 20 2014
So my church is collecting money to buy a school bus for a remote town in Mexico...
...and they have these little cardboard coin banks shaped like buses for families to take home. After the service we were all standing around, waiting for my mom to finish talking to people. I'm on my phone, when all of a sudden I hear something hit the ground between my feet. I look, and there's one of the cardboard buses between my feet, and my dad standing there with a huge grin. I look at him, confused.
"see what I did there?"
"what?"
"see what I did there?"
"no..."
"I threw the BUS under YOU!"
and he walked away dad-chuckling to himself.
well played, dad. well played.
π︎ 2
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︎ Feb 22 2015
I've just started collecting old settees....
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 20 2020
I'm addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums.
π︎ 7
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︎ Sep 25 2020
I miss my old job collecting leaves.
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︎ May 30 2020
I used to have a job collecting leaves...
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︎ May 21 2017
I used to have a job collecting leaves.
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︎ Apr 07 2018
I used to have a job that involved collecting leaves?
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 04 2017
You can easily make money by collecting helium and selling it for a dollar per pound.
No weight, that doesn't make any cents...
π︎ 41
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︎ May 21 2018
I am completely obsessed with collecting magazines.
What can I say, I've got issues.
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︎ Oct 11 2016
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