A duck walks into a drugstore to pick up a prescription. The pharmacist asks him,
"Cash or charge?"
The duck replies, "Nah....Just put it on my bill!"
What kind of house can you pick up?
A lighthouse
From my 7 year old.
This is my best pick-up line
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
-Edit-
Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
Me to son: Go pick up your room.
Son: I can’t.
Me: And why not?
Son: Because it’s too heavy!
What's the name of that cool female friend who helps you pick up chicks?
Her: Honey can you pick up some milk
Him:* lifts gallon * done
Her: no from the store
Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.
It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.
If your nose bleeds easily then don't pick your nose
Or i'll catch you red-handed
Which historical figure would you pick to be your teacher and why?
The Wright Brothers, cause they make time fly.
I'm always confused when I hear people say they pick their nose
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
Never pick a fight with a music teacher
You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major
I’m a really short guy, and I always seem to pick fights over nothing
It’s hard trying to be the bigger person!
My wife told me to pick up cheese dip for the New Years Eve party.
Why can’t people pick their nose?
Because they already have one
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
How did the moose pick his next mate?
A quick game of fuck, fuck, moose.
During an organ donation how do doctors decide which kidney to pick?
They pick the right one.
That way there's still one left
Wife: Can you pick up milk?
Husband: Lifting Gallon yeah
Wife: No, I mean at the store.
Husband: I imagine it would weigh the same there...
Dad drives to the local high school and picks up his son.
Son: “Dad, put me down, you’re embarrassing me.”
Knowing how to pick locks...
Has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Which one stole your broom ma’am? Can you pick her out of a line up?
No it was Witch two officer!
Went to go pick my glasses up from SpecSavers today and you’ll never guess who I bumped into!
What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
Which one would you pick up?
...If you found a 10 dollar bill and a 2 dollar bill on the way.
I have an addiction to reading pop-up books, so I went to the library the other day to pick up some proper grown up books to look at. I have to admit there was some good stuff there, ...
... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.
When I came home today my wife had some Little Debbie Zerbra Cakes on the counter. I pick one up and say "A Zebra Cake?"
"Don't mind if I Zoo."
She just gave me a glare and went back to what she was doing.
Totally worth it.
What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working?
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. “You need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. “Do you mow the whole yard in one direction.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
The definition of a pick up game.
What do you get when you pick a pigs nose 🐽?
Ham boogers.
I know. I know...
Snot funny
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham-boogers!
I know, it snot funny.
What Do you get when you pick a pigs nose?
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