When registering for college classes, pick ones taught by heterosexual Canadians whenever possible.
They always give straight "eh"s.
Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray
The man asks "is this good for wasps?"
The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"
I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home.
She just grunted. I think she regrets letting me name the twins.
Why did the blacksmith pick a fight?
Watched the cows pick up some baby goats on their way across the field today.
I guess the kids are part of the moovement now.
A duck walks into a drugstore to pick up a prescription. The pharmacist asks him,
"Cash or charge?"
The duck replies, "Nah....Just put it on my bill!"
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
Why should you never pick on a pig dressed all in black?
Because Batman is sworn to protect Goth Ham
My son is starting school next year but is scared because he thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name.
I reassured him, "Don't be silly! Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
What kind of house can you pick up?
A lighthouse
From my 7 year old.
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
-Edit-
Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D
This is my best pick-up line
My dad was ready to roll in on the jokes when coming to pick me up after school in his "DIY self-driving" car. Everyone knows though...
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
Me to son: Go pick up your room.
Son: I can’t.
Me: And why not?
Son: Because it’s too heavy!
Her: Honey can you pick up some milk
Him:* lifts gallon * done
Her: no from the store
Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too
What's the name of that cool female friend who helps you pick up chicks?
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
My friends and I were playing a game where you have to think of famous Johns. The game ends if you pick a John that is no longer with us.
It's all fun and games until someone gets Hurt.
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
If your nose bleeds easily then don't pick your nose
Or i'll catch you red-handed
Which historical figure would you pick to be your teacher and why?
The Wright Brothers, cause they make time fly.
I'm always confused when I hear people say they pick their nose
Never pick a fight with a music teacher
You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major
I’m a really short guy, and I always seem to pick fights over nothing
It’s hard trying to be the bigger person!
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
Why can’t people pick their nose?
Because they already have one
My wife told me to pick up cheese dip for the New Years Eve party.
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
Wife: Can you pick up milk?
Husband: Lifting Gallon yeah
Wife: No, I mean at the store.
Husband: I imagine it would weigh the same there...
During an organ donation how do doctors decide which kidney to pick?
They pick the right one.
That way there's still one left
How did the moose pick his next mate?
A quick game of fuck, fuck, moose.
Knowing how to pick locks...
Has really opened a lot of doors for me.
I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
What do you get when you pick a pigs nose 🐽?
Ham boogers.
I know. I know...
Snot funny
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham-boogers!
I know, it snot funny.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
