My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.

I think she is in love with me.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is picking vegetables a good job?

It comes with a great celery

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LastLeave8770
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"

I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are Canadians so good at picking out shoes?

They know what it's all a-boot. Eh.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.

It's just water under the fridge.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snowdoggo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?

It's a huge Pine in the Ash

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TangerineX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtybirdal
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I hate Apple picking
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danvandan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Coming home from apple picking this morning, my wife saw a sign from a Jewelry store that read, "Watches 20% off."

Wife, "Wow, watches 20% off. That's not a bad deal."

Me, "Ehh, I'd rather they tell the correct time."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Platinum_Mattress
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My step-father just told me this after picking peppers from his garden:

"You should put these in your tea. Then it would be HOT tea."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlumeHound9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, β€œCan you imagine being that strong?”

So I picked up the leaf and said, β€œYes.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Picking my cousin up from work at Target, asked her if she's in Style this week (fitting room/clothing)

Her dad said "she's never in style, she's always out of style. Her clothes never look good"!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/filipinochewy97
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Picking up my friend for work...he messaged me sayin he'd be right out, he was fixin' coffee...

So i asked "how'd it break?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l33fty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...

...from the fruits of our labor

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I need a pun about picking up trash/ cleaning the ocean. Any help would be greatly appreciated! :)
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theysayolay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was having trouble picking up my spare tire.

So I removed 30 lbs of air and I still can't lift it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dkichline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The sweater my kids gave me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity…

So I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up...

...but this morning it’s just water under the fridge

πŸ‘︎ 126
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aswaim2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.

The seller said, β€œOh, that last one is a freebee!”

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gothwhopper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?

That's the harvest part.

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
When picking up the coffee you ordered at Starbucks, always be appreciative and polite.

Be sure to say, "Thanks, a latte!"

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YeahChristopher
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I was out picking some young cranberries when the elderberries ran me off.

Seems I upset the cranparents.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was picking feathers off my sweater...

and turns to me and asked, "have you been cheating on me with a bird?"

So I look at her right in the eye and said, "I swear... It was just a peck on the cheek."

She almost kicked me out of the house.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2014
🚨︎ report
How do you call it when you're picking your nose and want to sneeze at the same time?

Pikachu.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zihon2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...

Who's on the phone dad?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pearly351
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw this witch picking her feet.

I got to thinking,that must be where candy corn comes from.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I just got a headache after picking up The Children of Hurin

That's the last time i'm going to dive into a good book

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
What does the soldier call picking up the dog poop?

Doing their doodie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sean_the_head
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
🚨︎ report
When it’s dark and you are picking up after your dog while a vehicle drives by with it’s headlights on, it is not only convenient, it is putting a spotlight on your civic duty
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Be careful picking strange AirPods up off the street

You might get hearing AIDS.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I once bought a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DUIofPussy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.

They have me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A jumper I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the shop.

They gave me a replacement....free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warmo1981
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The sweater I got for Christmas was picking up static electricity. So I went to the store to return it.

They gave me another one. Free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store

They gave me another one, free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 337
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new sweater for Christmas, but it was picking up too much static electricity

I returned it for a new one, free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikg1116
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tttulio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new sweater for Christmas, but it was picking up too much static electricity

I exchanged it for a new one, free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikg1116
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

β€œNo, sir," he replied. "They're dead.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoomerB3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The sweater I bought from the store was picking up static electricity, so I went back to change it.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The sweater I got last Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…

…free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife bought me a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.

They replaced it with a new one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a new sweater that kept picking up static electricity.

So I took it back and exchanged it for anotherβ€”free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 360
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2018
🚨︎ report
The sweater my kids gave me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…

...free of charge...

πŸ‘︎ 132
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report

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