It wasn't up to snuff.
... because it was a Bee movie.
They're not OK. Not on my watch!
Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.
Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.
Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.
The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.
Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.
Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.
One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.
Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.
“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.
The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.
“Yes of course” replied Trevor
... keep reading on reddit ➡Witherspoon
The classic "chick-flick"
Helping my 13 year old make his bed. It's a hot night and the ceiling fan is on.
"Don't flick the sheet too high, Dad, or else..."
Me: "Or else what?"
"or else the sheet will hit the fan"
So a bus conductor in America was doing his job one day, happily printing and checking tickets all day long, enjoying the country views and feeling good about life.
A young lad gets on, chewing gum and being as loud and rude as all teenage lads are. There’s no-one else on the bus, so the conductor takes his ticket machine and bops the lad over the head, killing him. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.
He gets his job back and puts the whole incident behind him. Until one day, a little old lady gets on the bus and starts to pay for a ticket in one cent coins. After about 10 minutes of fiddling with change, the conductor runs out of patience and bops the old lady on the head, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.
After getting his job back again, life seems to go well for the conductor, until one day a young lady gets on the bus, casually putting her feet on the seat opposite. By now, the conductor is a little less lenient than in years gone by, so he takes his ticket machine and bops her over the head with it, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards ar
... keep reading on reddit ➡What I say every time I flick a light switch.
As I was going to bed, my dad told me to flip the light off. I go over and flick the switch and turn the light off. Then my father yells at me and tells me to turn it on and flip it off and shows me what he meant.
Thanks Dad
To annoy a female housemate we were flicking bits of sweetcorn at her hair. In response, she escalated the game and threw an orange into my face.
The only way i got through the ordeal was because of what another of my housemates said next. After a long silence, as im holding my face he says "..hell hath no fury like a woman corned".
My dad was just flicking through a gadget magazine and was scoffing at the music section:
Dad: "It's weird how turntables have made a comeback, I remember a few years ago you couldn't even give them away"
Me: "Yeah, I guess the tables have turned"
My Pops passed away about a year ago, and one of my best memories was him saying his favorite "dad joke". I would always ask him to make me something because he was a chef.
ME: Pops can you make me a steak?
POPS: Yeah sure, poof (as he flicks his fingers at me) you're a steak. Ahh! good times.
...you could print a story with the title Helms helms helms flick.
My wife went to remove a bread crumb from our infant son's shirt and somehow managed to flick the piece of bread into her own eye. She looked at me in pain and asked "Do I have a piece of bread in my eye?"
I couldn't help but respond with "yes, but first I must remove the loaf in my own eye".
reference: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+7%3A5&version=ESV
I got bored watching net flicks last weekend and painted my toes, I am a dude. A girl I climb with saw them.
Girl: You paint your toes better than I can.
Me: How can you possibly know that? You have never painted my toes.
Girl: ...
I'm with my dad watching a horror flick when a scene comes on where a woman gets drilled in the head. Me: Oh man that was crazy! Dad: Yeah, she really got screwed! Chuckles ensued.
My 8th grade English teacher was a huge dad-joker, even though he was like 25 at the time (this was 3 years ago)
He was playing at his desk with a ton of rubber bands, making them taut then flicking them to hear their vibration. I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Creating the first song to my new band, we call ourselves the Rubber Band."
Not the best, but I certainly groaned.
