He chooses you...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AristonD
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 14 2021
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Why did the farmer choose not to shoot a couple of fawns?

To him, they were just too dear.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Deesel3315
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2021
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I've served too long behind bars, I didn't choose this life

But anyway, what can I get ya?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brillmedal
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2021
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my wife said I had to choose between my two expensive hobbies: gardening, or audiophile

I agonized over the choice before realizing it was quite simple.

but of course, bose before hose!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2021
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If I had to choose one feature on my face...

... I’d pick my nose!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 29 2021
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Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?

He didn't want to make a rash decision.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 81
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RedPlanetCorridor
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2021
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What does Woody do when he has to choose a random letter of the alphabet?

He picks R!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DecIsMuchJuvenile
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 27 2021
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9 times out of 10 a carnivore will choose a small space rock over human flesh...

Because the rock is a little meteor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bot4601
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2021
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Choose a major you love

and you'll never work a day in your life because that field probably isn't hiring

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moiKeshav
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2020
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What do you call it when a chef has you choose between 2 tomatoes?

An ultomato

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RealBenSimmons
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 15 2021
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Computer: choose a password. Me: hi-hat

Computer: password cannot contain symbols

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
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It's pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird

Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/elditrom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
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My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 592
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 27 2020
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Choose your fighter
πŸ‘οΈŽ 86
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Atarangi_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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A little boy asked his father why people would choose atheism.

The father replied β€œbecause it’s a non-prophet organization.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ialex2005i
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 26 2020
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I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.

I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 08 2020
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Choose a CAT-agory!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 105
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/archangel09
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 25 2020
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I will never have the audacity to choose a career path for my children

It's their responsibility to choose which Medical School they'll graduate from

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2020
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I can never choose what I want; they have such a rye range of bread!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 83
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2020
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At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.

I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 628
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/massivevivid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2020
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Why did cheese man choose to become a superhero?

For the grater good.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 117
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinoCuddlez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2020
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Choose your fighter
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Atarangi_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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why couldn’t the vampire choose between ribeye, sirloin or T bone?

Because he was scared of stakes

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2020
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What did the cannibal choose as his last meal

Five guys

πŸ‘οΈŽ 94
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hot-hitler
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2019
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Can't choose
πŸ‘οΈŽ 119
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Emotional_Plenty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2020
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Choose any number between 2 and 8. Multiply by 4, and then add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2020
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Sir, why did you choose to sit at the bar?

Because I have table reservations.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
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When pirates move out of Kansas, which state do they choose?

ARkansas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/B0B_LAW
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 20 2020
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A princess wants to choose her future husband. Her engineers create a maze full of deadly traps. After the struggle, four princes survive. The first three have both their hands cut off. The fourth one still has one hand left. Which one will she choose?

She will chose the fourth prince: he's the most hand-some.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2020
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If you could be any race, which one would you choose?

The Boston Marathon, it’s the most popular.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jason_Boyd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2020
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I’m really struggling to choose a name for my wild yeast starter.

I hope it won’t be a John Dough forever.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brandonscript
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 24 2020
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Choose title to your liking
πŸ‘οΈŽ 85
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/udipadhikari
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2019
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Why did the rabbit choose to become a jeweler?

Because he got to work with carats.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fadswaffer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 22 2020
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If I could have any superpower, I would choose invisibility. But I wouldn't use it to do anything ILLEGAL...

Just to be clear.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 53
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aphaelion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 04 2019
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I'm trying to write an essay about satellite, and I need to choose a font...

I'm thinking Aerial

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kiVShenoy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 16 2020
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Next time your wife or girlfriend asks why they always have to choose where to eat...

Just tell them because they're the picky one.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joker0812
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2020
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Why can't you choose Latin as your default cell phone language?

Because the Roman charges are too much!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/everydayisarborday
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2019
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My buddy Jesus got promoted to a supervisory position and I got to choose the music for his promotion party.

I went with "Your Own Personnel Jesus"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KatLikeGaming
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2020
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Why did the NFL choose to acknowledge OJ Simpson as a part of the top 100 players?

Because he really was a killer running back.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/REVDR
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
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My girlfriend gave me an ultimatum: I have to choose between her and my career as a news reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 71
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2020
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My wife wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/phoqkhan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 14 2020
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I was told to choose between her and being a reporter...

I had some Breaking News for her

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/UndeadNineKills
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2020
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Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.

Dark, wasn’t it?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 55
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 23 2019
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My wife told me that I had to choose between our relationship and my career as a reporter.

I have got some news for her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 865
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2019
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My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 178
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2019
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My girlfriend wants me to choose between her and my career as a TV journalist.

I have some breaking news for her.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 05 2019
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