My friend called me in a panic and shouted, β€œAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flamingkitten101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_kefir
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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It took me two hours to grill a chicken the other day…

And it still didn't tell my why it crossed the road…

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youthfulcomrade
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo ?

A turkey that can pluck itself.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Which side of a chicken has more feathers?

The outside

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azeedx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steve_OH
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Why did the guitarist go to jail?

Because he fingered A minor.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimingduck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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The Viking Tale of Bran Rudolph the Red.

There are many tales that have come from Viking lore but few are as lost as the tale of Bran Rudolph the Red.

It was said that he was blessed by God's with a keen ability to predict the weather. Due to this magical gift, he became a renowned seaman. Feared by his enemies, and respected by his bannermen. After years of successful raids and conquests, one of his shield maidens finally plucked up the courage and asked him how he does it.

"Bran, how do you always predict the weather? How have you always, managed to avoid every storm the sea throws at you". All his men laughed and looked up at their leader. Before he could respond, his right-hand man stood up and with a smile on his face and retorted, " It's simple. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Birdman27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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When it comes to good quality olive oil, I feel sorry for green olives...

They must be under a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tirbert
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2016
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Why are bird pluckers so cool?

They know how to get down.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brewchacki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
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Pirates are in the playoffs!

Got some awesome home-made pesto from my parents. They'd been at it for a few hours before I got there from work, just in time help pluck the last batch of basil and get some to eat. Tell my sister she should charge my mom $1 an hour for her help in making the pesto.

Dad pipes in with "Good thing it wasn't corn, or you'd owe her a buck-an-ear".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Acula_PhD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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Dadjoked my own dad tonight

We were watching a hockey game, and I had a stack of post-it notes I was messing around with. I plucked one off and stuck it over his eye. Then I said: "Now you can't tell how far away the game is. You don't know if they're playing in Winnipeg or in Columbus."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Flabbergaster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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