I had a happy childhood, dad would roll me down the hill in a tire
Mmm.. Synonym rolls
..The way old Grammar used to make them.
Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"
My response: "144? That's a gross"
I love synonym rolls.
They're just like cinnamon rolls. Only spelled different.
Some think dad jokes make just roll your eyes. But they are actually awesome. And here is why.
Why did the baker switch to dog shaped rolls?
He always wanted a purebred.
I told my wife a dad joke and she gave me two eye rolls...
Normally, she rolls only one eye. 😵
I had a great childhood, I remember my dad would put me in a tire & roll me down the hill all summer.
What do you call the same thing as a cinnamon roll?
Grammar made the best synonym rolls
Why did the toilet roll go down the hill?
How do you make an egg roll?
So I said to Arnie: "Where did you get those toilet rolls?"
He said: "Aisle B, Back."
Synonym rolls only make your vocabulary fat!
There’s this coin wrapper that can roll any coin: pennies, nickels, dimes etc. Just roll it up to a marked spot and voila, a perfect roll.
My favorite wrapper is the fifty cent piece
When you roll in from a night out but you're tyred so you just sit down in the garden slumped against the wall
I don’t always roll a joint but when I do...
I bought a roll of over priced Velcro yesterday
A really want a Vietnamese roll.
But they Bahn Mi from going outside.
I am on a roll, I mean what are circles...
"Dad, why do scuba divers roll backward off boats?"
"Because if they rolled forward, they'd still be in the boat."
How do you make a cheese roll
I ran out of toilet roll so am reduced to wiping my butt with lettuce leaves.....
I fear it's just the tip of the iceberg.
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says...
"Pint please, and one for the road
The honorable baker walked into a room full of rolls
"All rise."
The baker said humbly, "you don't need to do that." The rolls responded:
"It's the yeast we can do."
I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
I put the last roll of toilet paper on the dispenser today.
Single man with toilet roll seeks single woman with hand sanitizer..
Looking for good clean fun!
How do you make a Swiss roll?
Just push them down a slope
How many pennies in a roll of pennies have a Lincoln face?
It's actually one per cent.
Tried this on daddit and it was not well received, got a hard eye roll and a giggle from my daughter, am I doing this right? I need some help with my leeky bowl.
So, I said to Arnie Schwarmaswagger, "Where did you get those toilet rolls?"
He said, "Aisle B, back."
They finally invented a golf ball that uses GPS signal to locate the hole, and then roll in.
Just dont put it your back pocket.
I saw this fish the other day holding a roll of chicken wire...
... I thought, that makes sense, it’s a swordfish, they’re good at fencing.
I was on a roll yesterday
I’m on a roll here with all these puns guys
What do you get when you eat too many ciabatta rolls?
Two mice were chewing on a film roll.
One of them says, “I think the book was better.”
Credit: Tiny Tower Bitbook
A stone with a lot of achievements is a roll model.
Rock and roll. . .
Or what ever comes first ;)
Bad puns are how eye roll
Fiancé dropped a roll of tape..
He stepped on it and said to his coworker “oh shit! You caught me on tape”
I still remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
My stoner friend used my daily planner to roll up a joint…
He’s now high on my list of priorities.
My mother told me that the only musicians more promiscuous than rock and roll artists were jazz musicians.
Because they were always having sax.
What’s an actors favorite sushi roll?
When the new year rolls around, I need new glasses.
I need to be able to see in 2020.
An unsatisfied chicken lays in bed smoking a cigarette next to an egg that rolls to its side embarrassed
Chicken: Well I guess we solved that riddle
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Dad, why do scuba divers roll backwards off the boat?
Because, son, if they rolled forwards they'd still be in the boat.
My stoner friend used my daily agenda notebook to roll up a joint.
He is now high on my list of priorities.
Leaf no stone unturned until all heads roll.
Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, and cross the road again?
It was a dirty double crosser.
What do you call 1000kg of egg rolls?
One of my favorite childhood memories is when my dad used to roll us down the hill inside of a tire.
Those were the Goodyears.
I was on a roll last night.
My family was having a burger night and I improvised some groaners:
Q - How does it sound when your cousin drives an ambulance?
A - Neeeenaaaaa-neeeeenaaaaa! (There is a cousin called Nina)
Q - How do you know when your cousin is coming to visit?
A - they ring the Issa-belle! (Yip, you guessed it there is a cousin called Issabelle)
Q - What does a dinosaur say to offer you a hot drink?
A - Would you like some tea, Rex? (Hate to over explain and ruin the joke but just in case - Rex )
Then during bathtime:
Q - When a crab goes to jail where do they lock him up?
A - A jail shell. (there was a decorative jar of shells there which I used as a muse for this piece)
Q - How does a daddy cow clean himself at night?
A - In a bub-bull bath. (Just came to me)
Q - What does an astronaut use in the bath?
A - A space cloth. (this one didn't really land but I stand by it)
Q - What do you use to wash your hair in the toilet?
A - Sham-poo (low hanging fruit but this one absolut
...
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I never expected the vintage movie I was watching to end with everyone doing a dance popular in the early 60s which is inspired by rock and roll.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
I’m ready to wok and roll.
I don’t always roll joints...
But when I do it’s usually an ankle
My chat full of childless Dad's were on a roll
Is that a sushi roll in your pocket?
Or are you just happy sashimi?
My wife left me because I used too many loo rolls.
I couldn't help that it all went to shit.
I have fond memories of my childhood when Dad used to roll us down a hill inside spare car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
I remember our childhood quite fondly. My favorite memory is when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
What do you get when you roll a joint with a page from the dictionary?
Why did the orange only roll half way down the hill?
Dad jokes are how eye roll!
I recently heard that the agriculture industry will be discontinuing baling hay in big rolls
The livestock can’t get a square meal!
Made my 11 yr old laugh and my wife roll her eyes this kornint. It was a good day.
My 2 yr old is constantly dropping small toys down the grate on the air return and a couple rolled out if site. This morning, I stuck my head down it and found a couple the had been missing for a couple weeks. Yay, dad!
My wife told me "She likes to drop her toys down there when she's angry."
I told her "you can't be upset. She's just venting!"
Groans and laughs ensued.
Edit: "this morning." What the hell is a kornint?
On the dad joke scale, I got my first ever eye-roll and sharp exhale WITH a walk out of the room from my wife!
Me: Today was an awful day at work
Wife: Are you serious? Tell me about it
Me: I’m not Sirius, I’m your husband. And Itt was a short, hirsute creature who looked short of like a haystack with sunglasses; he was Gomez’s cousin and spoke in high pitched gibberish all the time. Now if we could get back to my day...
A man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He said to the barman " a pint of beer please".
....and one for the road.
I heard my wife's eyes roll through text...
Wife: Stopping at the bar for a drink after work.
Me: Would you bring some whiskey home?
Wife: 10-4
Me: = 6
Edit: this particular bar has a liquor store up front.
I had a happy childhood, my dad used to put me in a tyre and roll me down the hill...
What do you do when someone rolls their eyes at you?
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
It needed to get to the bottom.
How do you make a sausage roll?
A teacher is taking roll call in a classroom of sweet potato students. The teacher asks "is John here?"
John raises his hand, "I yam."
What is a cinnamon roll’s favorite holiday?
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be daft," I replied. "A toilet is a stationary object."
I had a happy childhood; Dad would roll me down the hill in a tire.
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Why did the chicken cross the road roll in the mud and then cross back over the road
Because he was a dirty double crosser
Why did the toilet roll, roll down hill?
I still remember fondly the times dad used to roll us down the hill inside tires.
Those were the Good Years.
I don’t always roll a joint
But when I do, it’s my ankle
How do you make an egg roll?
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