"Dad, what's the difference between a sweater and a fleece?"

"One is something you wear to keep you warm, the other is something dogs have."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Teapotsalty
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
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Canadian fleece.

My sister just bought a sweatshirt and looked at the tag and saw it was made with Canadian fleece. She asked, "Canadian fleece? What does that even mean?"

I replied, "well there's American and Canadian fleece... one is about 500 thread count, the other is a-boat 500 thread count.

She wasn't happy.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kraziefrazie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
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Spotted two old women wearing American Flag fleece jackets.

Told my boss that we were lucky to be in the presence of not one, but two versions of Old Gloria.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oxfordsandtea
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
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What is a sheep’s favourite Christmas song?

Fleece Navidad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkenPeanut97
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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A man burst into a ski resort in Vale, Colorado.

He shouted into the room, "Everywhere I go, there's a black bird that sticks to me. He sticks to my fleece jacket, my wool hat, even my velvet gloves!"

The concierge shakes his head and says, "Oh, that's just the Vale crow."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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Did you hear about the guy that robbed banks and his get away "vehicle" was a baby sheep?

He's still on the lamb.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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My girlfriend is a sheep farmer. When she starts to have orgasms, she wants me to shout the names of local movie showplaces.

She likes coming to a theater near ewe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.

May he rest in fleece.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sheephound
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
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What do you say to a Hispanic father around Christmas who wears polartec and served in the military?

Fleece Navy Dad

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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What do Mexicans wear to keep warm this time of year?

A fleece Navidad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JerkyChew
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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Loan me 50 dollars

One of the classic Β Abbott and Costello Β routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money. Β The skit ends with a simple β€˜read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill. Β This routine was done Β many Β times, both in the movies and their radio show.

Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10 Β 
Lou Costello: Ok, I’ll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for?
Lou Costello: 50
Bud Abbott: How much did you give me?
Lou Costello: 40.
Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.
Lou Costello: That’s right. Β [Pause] But you owe me 40.
Bud Abbott: Don’t change the subject.
Lou Costello: I’m not changing the subject; you’re trying to change my finances. Come on, Abbott give me my $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, there’s your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me.
Lou Costello: I’m paying you on account.
Bud Abbott: On account?
Lou Costello: On account I don’t know how I owe it to ya.
Bud Abbott: That’s the way you feel about it, that’s the last time I ask you for a loan of $50.
Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. All I got is 30.
Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and you’ll owe me 20.
Lou Costello: Ok. This is getting worse all the time. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20.
Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt?
Lou Costello: I’m not running in, you’re pushing me!1
Bud Abbott: I can’t help it if you can’t handle your finances. I do all right with my money.
Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too.
Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 20 and 30 is 50.
Lou Costello: No. No. No. 25 and 25 is 50.
Bud Abbott: All right, here’s your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. Fine guy, won’t loan a pal $50.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
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At lunch for my dads birthday.

The menu says "eat, drink, and feel Merry"

Dad says "and then Mary got mad and went home"

Hehehehehehe

πŸ‘︎ 785
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandino788
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2014
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How do you say "Merry Christmas" to your blankets?

Fleece Navidad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ULBrassGuy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
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What did the Spanish teacher say when wearing her new wool Christmas sweater?

Fleece navidad!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Mexican sheep

To all you Mexican sheep out there. Fleece Navidad

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zhenggan3263
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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What do you call a woolen coat that you get as a Christmas gift?

Fleece Navidad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slmckay73
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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For dads full of Christmas spirit

I walked by a nativity scene yesterday and the sheep told me, "Fleece Navidad".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manonthemoon9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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What do you call a holiday for blankets?

Fleece Navidad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PKMKII
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2016
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Shearing Sheep

Teacher: "I sheared a sheep once," Student: "Oh, How'd it go?" Teacher: "It went: 'Baa' and it's fleece came off! Student: "Man, that was Ba-aa-d!"

groans

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheIshark
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2014
🚨︎ report

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