A Tibetan bull walks into a bar, hoping to pull off a swindle.

The bartender looks at him and says, β€œYou must be here for a cognac.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."

I think your supposed to use a razor.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GooseJumper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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It takes a lot of balls to pull this off
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Gamers_Guide
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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What do you get when you pull all the legs off an ant?

6 feet apart.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mandapanda17
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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Was unsure if I could pull off a mustache.

But then the idea started to grow on me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BASSLJ
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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Tight leather jackets are hard to pull off.
πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/enhancin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2015
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I didn’t think I could ever pull off wearing a mustache

But I’ll admit it’s really growing on me

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/retinapro
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2018
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Jokes about can tabs are hard to pull off.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JessNei
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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I went shoe shopping with my dad the other day. I showed him a pair I liked, and asked him if he thought I could pull them off.

"Well, I'd hope so." he said "I heard getting them on is the hard part."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyleMomo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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Finally got to tell a dad joke on my kindergarten grade daughter I've been waiting 5 years to pull off.

"How was school?"

"We had gym."

"Gym who?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaverickTenSays
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2016
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Even during this, my dad still tries to pull off a joke

So, let's start off with a fact about myself: I'm vegetarian. I've been one my whole life. Now, let's get to the story.

Basically, I was driving down to camp at a Battleship with my dad (for a Boy Scouts trip), and this was during my first 6 months of learning to drive. This was the most intense trip for me (so far), and I was already nervous about driving on the interstate, so I was doing my best to practice proper driver etiquette.

Now, here's where the story gets interesting. I'm cruising down the interstate, going approximately 70 mph in the middle lane, when all of a sudden, I see a deer emerge onto the road from the right. It's running to the left (aka, trying to cross this interstate). The car to the right of me slams on the brakes, so the deer kept running. I slammed on my breaks as hard as I could, BARELY missing the deer. The car to the left of me was unlucky. The deer smashes its head into the left car's headlight and it flips over to the right (over my car). Clearly, it's dead, and as it flipped over my car, a lot of its blood gets onto my windshield.

I'm horrified. I kept driving forward. Trying to make sure I didn't veer off or anything. I look to my dad, and my hands are slightly shaking while I'm continuing this trip. My dad looks over to me, smiles, and says, "Don't worry, my 'deer'. Keep driving."

I looked back at him with the most disgusted face, and he just started giggling. Good god, this was NOT the time for a dad joke, but nevertheless, my dad didn't fail to deliver.

I thought I'd hate him forever after this and people would agree with me, but now this joke gets one of the largest laughs from people at parties. <_<

tl;dr My dad's sense of humor appalls me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkymonkeyman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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Told my Dad I liked his shoes and that I could probably pull them off...

"Well, they're slip ons.. I would assume anyone could pull them off"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshMcDaniels
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2015
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"Could I pull off bangs?"

"Yeah, but it would hurt."

Tumblr source: http://cashcutie.tumblr.com/post/80936111716/cashcutie-tearn-aqua-cashcutie-could-i

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliverWDahl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2014
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Pulled this off on my friend Lmao
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Pulled off a real-life-one, i guess...

Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.

so here goes...

(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)

daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?

me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?

daughter: elizabeth-gramma.

me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?

(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)

daughter: don't know, who?

me: my mum.

(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Successful Dad joke I just pulled off on wife. Full groan and everything

Wife: why do dad's have the worst jokes?

Me: It's a rule, dads have to have cringy jokes

Wife: Who makes those rules?

Me: The Dad Poet Society

Wife: groan

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scotland42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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Wife walked in to the bedroom as I was pulling off my Boxers...

...she said "you love those dogs more than me".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tardiusmaximus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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This guy pulled off a 5-month long con with a hidden fake mustache just to make a dad-joke pun...and it’s amazing
πŸ‘︎ 535
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreekAlphabetSoup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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So i pulled this one off at dinner last night

Story tme: Last night, my family went to a fancy steak dinner to celebrate a bunch of stuff, and i was pulling my normal dad jokes, when I thought of the best one yet. So, i told everyone i thought of a great joke and was waiting for the steaks to arrive to tell it. They thanked me for warning them.

Cue steaks arriving and I pull an ice cube out of my glass of water and put it on my steak, saying:

Y'know, this is just icing on the steak!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blaidd_Golau
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year I'm just hoping..

..that I can pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 392
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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Cop pulled me over and said β€œPAPERS.” I yelled scissors and drove off.
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adityakanteti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Back in the 90s, i spent time on the set of Baywatch messing with a character named Mitch Buchannon. I got pulled off the set and arrested the same night.

Turns out it's illegal to Hasslehoff.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StupidBeaver
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Finally Pulled One Off in the Wild

Just happened on my walk break.

I was taking a stroll downtown and walked by the county courthouse building. I noticed there was an employee (had a county badge) standing outside on the sidewalk and holding a wall clock. I knew what I had to do. I walked up and asked, "Do you happen to have the time?"

One of my proudest moments, although I'm a faux-pa myself. He enjoyed it too.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthservo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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This guy pulled off a 5-month long con with a hidden fake mustache just to make a dad joke...and it’s truly amazing

https://i.imgur.com/O6ePcMG.jpg

I can’t imagine what that guy is doing now...what left is there to do in life after reaching the pinnacle of dad jokes.

An inspiration to us all.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreekAlphabetSoup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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I won a battle against a spider by pulling off all its legs...

You could say I de-feeted-it.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sugarfreelemonade
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
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I pulled off one of my best dad jokes ever today.

I work in accounts, and I took a single date (as in, the fruit) to work just so I could go around to my coworkers going "hey, look at the date on this invoice".

It was gold.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-rabid-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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My gf's uncle pulled this one off last night

I was a man trapped in a woman's body.
[pause for effect]
And then I was born.

πŸ‘︎ 776
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dclarsen
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2015
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Pulled this one off while talking to the kids over supper

My son told me that one of his friends was back at school today. I asked him where he had been and he told me he had mono but that it was really bad so it was really worse than mono. I replied with, good thing he didn't get stereo then. Blank stares all around...

πŸ‘︎ 536
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balltongu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2014
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My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

That’s a lot of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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Pulled off my first Dad Joke with my 2 year old.

A classic!

*son falls on butt "Owww!" "Your ok buddy let me see... *looks at son's butt OH NO, THERE'S A CRACK IN IT!"

Now he's worried his butt is broken.

πŸ‘︎ 757
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XnMeX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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The ship is no longer stuck!

Thankfully the tug boats pulled it off.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.

I am worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2021
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I've been wearing this mask for so long, I wasn't sure I'd even be able to get rid of it.

But I pulled it off.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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While at a beach house for Thanksgiving my dad pulled this one off.

My dad's chair kept lowering on its own, and he said to my Aunt "Now I know what it's like to be you" Then we started listing advantages of being short. He said you could goto movies for a child ticket. she replies "I used to"
He said "I used to be able to too"
"Really?"
"Yeah, back when I was a kid"

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PigasusGaming
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
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After hours of trying, I finally got the lid off a can

I pulled it off.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DuckyFacePvP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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State Police pulled me over for going 7 mph over the speed limit. He said he would let me off with a warning, though.

I said, "Thanks. You're a real trooper."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anyeyeball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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Pulled this one off at work yesterday.

I got a haircut about a week ago and yesterday at work a coworker said:

"You know, at first I wasn't sure about your new haircut, but it's growing on me."

Me: "Well actually, it's growing on me."

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2014
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My son pulled the pump cap off the shampoo bottle and threw it on the floor...

He told me he deCAPitated it.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yugogrl2000
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Pulled this one off today.

Mum: I'm not a huge fan of duck eggs.

Me: Yeah, I think they're quite hard to quack.

Groans from everywhere

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchb777
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
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The greatest prank call I ever pulled off

I was an ER tech in a fairly busy inner city hospital for a few years. On one unusually slow night, around 3am, I called up to labor and delivery from an outside line. The conversation went like this:

"Labor and Delivery Nancy speaking"

"Hi I have an unusual problem and I am hoping you can help me."

"OK what can I do for you?"

"Well a couple weeks ago my wife and I had a baby boy who was born with an extremely rare condition. You see, he was born without eyelids."

"Oh my goodness!"

"Yes. Well at your hospital there they tried a new experimental treatment. They used the foreskin from his circumcision to create eyelids for him. Have you heard about this procedure?"

"OH MY GOD! No! I haven't!"

"Well everything was going great and he seemed to be healing well but when he woke up this morning, he looked a little cockeyed..."

"..........."

"COCKEYED!"

<click>

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TurnTheTVOff
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
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Dad joke I pulled off on a friend in our group chat

http://imgur.com/a/GcpBk

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomPerson696
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
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Pulled off a dad joke at an interview.

Interviewer (I): So, Do you have any questions for me?

Me (M): No thats all i need to know about the role.

I: OK well thank you for your time

Both rise out of seats

M: Sorry to do a Colombo. but... there is just one more thing.

He fucking loved it.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conker15
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2014
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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A women was getting petrol at a petrol station and spilt some on her arm.

She rubbed the petrol off and drove away. While on the road, she lit a cigarette and her arm caught on fire. Concerned, she started waving her arm out the side of the car.

Amongst all this, the police pulled her over. "What am I under arrest for?" The officer replied "for having a firearm"

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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I was thinking of going as a bandaid this Halloween, but then decided against it.

I find it really hard to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain.

I’m really worried she won’t be able to pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report

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