My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
Why is picking vegetables a good job?
It comes with a great celery
I was at the store with my wife picking out a turkey and she seemed unimpressed by the size. She asked "do they get any bigger?"
I looked her in the eyes and replied "no honey, they're dead."
Why are Canadians so good at picking out shoes?
They know what it's all a-boot. Eh.
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.
It's just water under the fridge.
You know what they say about picking the right species of Christmas Tree?
It's a huge Pine in the Ash
A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
Coming home from apple picking this morning, my wife saw a sign from a Jewelry store that read, "Watches 20% off."
Wife, "Wow, watches 20% off. That's not a bad deal."
Me, "Ehh, I'd rather they tell the correct time."
My step-father just told me this after picking peppers from his garden:
"You should put these in your tea. Then it would be HOT tea."
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
Picking my cousin up from work at Target, asked her if she's in Style this week (fitting room/clothing)
Her dad said "she's never in style, she's always out of style. Her clothes never look good"!
Picking up my friend for work...he messaged me sayin he'd be right out, he was fixin' coffee...
So i asked "how'd it break?"
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
While picking up a turkey for this Thanksgiving, I overheard this gem.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they’re dead."
I need a pun about picking up trash/ cleaning the ocean. Any help would be greatly appreciated! :)
I was having trouble picking up my spare tire.
So I removed 30 lbs of air and I still can't lift it.
The sweater my kids gave me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity…
So I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…free of charge.
My wife was upset with me last night for kicking ice cubes under the appliances instead of picking them up...
...but this morning it’s just water under the fridge
An aspiring beekeeper went to a farmer’s market to pick up a small hive. They placed an order for a dozen bees. When picking up the bees, the seller handed them a case of thirteen bees. Noticing the extra bee, the keeper pointed it out to the seller.
The seller said, “Oh, that last one is a freebee!”
Starting your own garden is easy, but picking all of the vegetables?
When picking up the coffee you ordered at Starbucks, always be appreciative and polite.
Be sure to say, "Thanks, a latte!"
I was out picking some young cranberries when the elderberries ran me off.
Seems I upset the cranparents.
My wife was picking feathers off my sweater...
and turns to me and asked, "have you been cheating on me with a bird?"
So I look at her right in the eye and said, "I swear... It was just a peck on the cheek."
She almost kicked me out of the house.
How do you call it when you're picking your nose and want to sneeze at the same time?
This is one my 7 year old son said to me... I had a closed fist up to my face with my little finger extended and picking food out of my teeth. My thumb was also extended out. He looked at me and with a smirk on his face said to me...
I saw this witch picking her feet.
I got to thinking,that must be where candy corn comes from.
I just got a headache after picking up The Children of Hurin
That's the last time i'm going to dive into a good book
What does the soldier call picking up the dog poop?
When it’s dark and you are picking up after your dog while a vehicle drives by with it’s headlights on, it is not only convenient, it is putting a spotlight on your civic duty
Be careful picking strange AirPods up off the street
You might get hearing AIDS.
I once bought a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
A sweater I bought was picking up so much static electricity that I had to return it to the store.
They have me another one, free of charge.
A jumper I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the shop.
They gave me a replacement....free of charge
The sweater I got for Christmas was picking up static electricity. So I went to the store to return it.
They gave me another one. Free of charge.
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store
They gave me another one, free of charge
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
I got a new sweater for Christmas, but it was picking up too much static electricity
I returned it for a new one, free of charge
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one free of charge.
I got a new sweater for Christmas, but it was picking up too much static electricity
I exchanged it for a new one, free of charge
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
“No, sir," he replied. "They're dead.
The sweater I bought from the store was picking up static electricity, so I went back to change it.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
The sweater I got last Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…
My wife bought me a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I went to the store to change it.
They replaced it with a new one, free of charge.
I got a new sweater that kept picking up static electricity.
So I took it back and exchanged it for another—free of charge.
The sweater my kids gave me last Christmas kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back to the store and exchanged it for another one…
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