That prayer in Congress got me thinking

It shouldn’t be menstrual, it should be womenstrual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthrogue
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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The Punner’s Prayer

Dear Lord as week seek to produce puns worthy of your praise, lettuce relish this opportunity. We ask that you would cause humor to sprout in the hearts of those who think us nuts. Continue to cultivate in us passion, fruit which beets back sadness and joy which leeks into others. Though some may say we are corny we know you will give us sage wisdom. Give us the confidence to know we are kale’in it as we bring choy to the world and live apply ever after.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool-breeze7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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The Dad , the Daughter and her prayers.

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says β€œGod bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, β€œGood bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, β€œJust because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, β€œGod bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, β€œJust because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, β€œGod bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HereIsAFookinName
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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A company started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats...

The prophets were through the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoSchmo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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God finally answered my prayer for winning the $10 million lottery.

The answer was no.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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What happened to the guy that sold land mines shaped like prayer maps?

The prophets were through the roof

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Depressed_Citrus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the business selling land mines disguised as prayer mats?

The prophets are through the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/donegal-Hospital
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
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Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests don’t just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why there are so many vampires from Europe...

Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JuIius_Seizure95
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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My aunt makes female deer meat tender by putting it on the floor and saying her prayers.

It's gives her peace of mind to kneed the doe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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The pastor wanted to pause for a moment of prayer this morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/naturallyjoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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I'm in this new business of producing prayer mats with built in ejector seats...

So far the prophets are soaring.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Purtassium
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
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I recently came across a business opportunity to produce bombs disguised as prayer mats.

The salesman assured me the prophets would go through the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrmatt04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
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Whenever my Muslim roommate goes for prayer, I sit down next to him with some apple pie and ice cream.

So that both of us are in A la mode.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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I just started a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BossRediter87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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What do people in the Middle East say after their prayers?

Yemen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Suk_A_Nutt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Answered Prayers

Me and some buddies rented a cabin last week. The plants by the porch attracted a lot of monarch butterflies. As we were watching them a Praying Mantis grabs a hold of one. As we watched the butterfly thrash around in odd quiet reverence I said, "Well, I guess it's an Answered Prayer Mantis now"

One guy told me I was going to be a great Dad.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
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At the end of prayers, why do people say 'amen' instead of 'our women'?

Because they sing hymns, not hers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frontier_Justice
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2015
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A friend of mine makes prayer mats with hidden explosives

I asked how his business is doing, he said: "Great! Prophets are through the roof!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/metnem
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2018
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Which member of the Foot family did dad ask to say the dinner prayer?

Topher Grace.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derivedintegral
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
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Every time we have a family dinner my grandfather says a prayer.

The salad looks delicious. I can't wait, lettuce eat.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2016
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The Prayer Mat Salesman

My dad tells me this prayer mat salesman started putting bombs in the mats.

"His prophets are going through the roof "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Para11axis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2015
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I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shi-Rokku
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tchavez34135
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report

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