Intermittent fasting
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ha-Ka-Tu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?

He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uchi_mata18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: I'm doing it! After 12 hours of fasting I'm finally breaking my fast!

takes a bite of eggs and toast

Wife: ugh, "do you have to do this every morning?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Fasting from masturbating should be called "Fasturbating".
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πŸ‘€︎ u/epicsaxman13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Fasting

What a Jamaican calls Sonic the Hedgehog.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
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What do you call a dinosaur that drives too fast? (punned my 5 year old, hard)

A velocity raptor.

What happens when he loses control?

He T-Rex.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterWinchester
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
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So you know Gandhi? Walked barefoot, tough feet. Fasted a lot, so he was weak. Prayed a lot, real spiritual. Unfortunately, suffered from bad breath.

In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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I have no idea how fast light travels...

But, it gets here too early in the morning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat spinach as fast as possible....

I'll call it Popeyedol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?

Stake n shake!

(I'm not sure if this is a regional restaurant but I assure you it exists.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieHeyHeyHeyOh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make someone fast on a Sunday?

Chase them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/B3nnoi123
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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I always called it the β€œfast nut” but okay
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poopgoose1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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Don't go to fast foods in America they are scamming us.

My kids meal didn't include any kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bob2k5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What sound do you make when you swept the floor too fast?

Broom broom

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KerkIsMe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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Why is a photon able to go so fast?

It's traveling light!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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How did you get to Tehran so fast?

I ran.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sentics
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
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My fiancΓ©e pulled a fast one on me last night while we were talking

Talking about our dog, Baxter, who is deaf, a little clumsy, and a big goofball

Her: You know, maybe he does have some neurological issues.

Me: Maybe. But we wouldn’t know for sure unless we get a CAT-scan, and we’re too poor for that.

Her: Well, in this case it would be a DOG-scan, right?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NC0828
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fast escalator?

An Escasooner

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy-Squashy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
So, they have just announced the tenth Fast and Furious movie...

Fast 10 Your Seat Belts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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What fast food does a young cannibal order?

A kids meal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a-scott-s-tot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?

He leads the league in Arby eyes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called...

Fast-10 your seat belts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing. They fast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibrahim_MK
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A clock started training for a marathon

Now everyone's mad it runs fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SabsUndercover
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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Sometimes I struggle to crack eggs, but sometimes..

They Break-fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Heard the 10th Fast and The Furious movie is gonna be about car safety

Working title is called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamisNeat69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a german thief that's robbing a fast food restaurant?

A Hamburglar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DUBSWAG02
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I should stop telling fast-food jokes.

They never McSense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmirate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do pirate ships go so fast?

Because they’re hauling booty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreedomDirty5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Once upon a time there were two little skunks.

Their names were In and Out. They lived in a hollow tree stump with their mother. Sometimes they liked to play inside, and sometimes outside.

One day, In was outside, and Out was inside. Mamma skunk asked Out to go find his brother. So Out went out, to bring In in. A short while later they both came inside. Mamma asked Out how he managed to find his brother so fast.

He smiled and said: "Instinct"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
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Cars rip by at 200mph, so how fast do you have to be a NASCAR cameraman?

Reel quick

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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What’s a car’s favorite meal?

Brake-fast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fa_kinsit
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Things dads say...

Dads love saying β€˜that was fast’ when someone leaves but returns straight away because they forgot something.

Dads love answering the phone β€˜yelllllow’.

Dads love saying β€˜they don’t make things like they used to’ whenever something breaks.

Dads love teaching kids how to play 52 card pickup.

Dads love saying β€˜what’s the damage’ when handed a bill for something.

Dads love saying β€˜pull my finger’ and farting when you do.

Dads love saying β€˜Jeez Louise!’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkady2009
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?

Because, he had a hurry cane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pewterpantheman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.

I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhnrmn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.

That way I can be fast asleep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kshep1188
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is milk so fast.

Because its pasteurized before you see it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillRespectively1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
why do french people eat snails?

because they don’t like fast food

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenman2359
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
They say John Cena's in the new fast and furious movie

But I didn't see him

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robotcheese4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Driving behind a hearse, my wife asked β€œHow fast do you think a hearse can go?”

Me: I don’t think very fast at all

Wife: Why not?!

Me: Well I mean they have all that dead weight in the back...

Literally a conversation we had last night. She actually laughed out loud!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeroWeDeserve87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What sound does a fast witch make?

Broom broom!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashjmc89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domidoms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/missbamboo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing,they fast

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πŸ‘€︎ u/p_tally
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Very Intelligent

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonaldOthrom
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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