He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis
takes a bite of eggs and toast
Wife: ugh, "do you have to do this every morning?"
A velocity raptor.
What happens when he loses control?
He T-Rex.
In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.
But, it gets here too early in the morning.
Just search optimus prime
A fighter pirate
Stake n shake!
(I'm not sure if this is a regional restaurant but I assure you it exists.)
I'll call it Popeyedol.
They're always going "broom, broom."
One minute you’re yelling at them for driving you up a wall. The next, you’re begging them to install a Stair-master...
Chase them
Broom broom
Nothing, they fast.
It's traveling light!
An Escasooner
L’ess Cargo.
Fast 10 Your Seat Belts.
Talking about our dog, Baxter, who is deaf, a little clumsy, and a big goofball
Her: You know, maybe he does have some neurological issues.
Me: Maybe. But we wouldn’t know for sure unless we get a CAT-scan, and we’re too poor for that.
Her: Well, in this case it would be a DOG-scan, right?
And we were passed by a large semi hauling a load of cattle. I pointed to it and remarked "Well, if that's not fast food, I don't know what is..."
A kids meal.
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
Fast-10 your seat belts.
A two-knee fish (say it fast)
Working title is called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt
No matter how fast I ran, he was always a little father.
They never McSense.
A Hamburglar
Because they’re hauling booty
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
Now everyone's mad it runs fast.
Reel quick
They Break-fast.
Because, he had a hurry cane.
She said ‘fast food’. I said ‘no, dummy... that would give them the runs... they eat nothing; they fast’
Me: I don’t think very fast at all
Wife: Why not?!
Me: Well I mean they have all that dead weight in the back...
Literally a conversation we had last night. She actually laughed out loud!
Fast 10: Your Seatbelts
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.
A little bit of Background information: When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner. Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion! He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really. However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business. The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this! My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.
Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago. I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency. Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.
After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his. At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed. He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement, his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these. I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.
So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there. Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job! Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month! At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life. You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you" I never realized how freeing it
... keep reading on reddit ➡Nothing, they fast!
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?
A Brrrrrrger.
Nothing, they fast
