Intermittent fasting
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ha-Ka-Tu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?

He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uchi_mata18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: I'm doing it! After 12 hours of fasting I'm finally breaking my fast!

takes a bite of eggs and toast

Wife: ugh, "do you have to do this every morning?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Fasting from masturbating should be called "Fasturbating".
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/epicsaxman13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2015
🚨︎ report
Fasting

What a Jamaican calls Sonic the Hedgehog.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dinosaur that drives too fast? (punned my 5 year old, hard)

A velocity raptor.

What happens when he loses control?

He T-Rex.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterWinchester
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
🚨︎ report
So you know Gandhi? Walked barefoot, tough feet. Fasted a lot, so he was weak. Prayed a lot, real spiritual. Unfortunately, suffered from bad breath.

In other words, he was a super-calloused fragile mystic suffering from halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 158
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
I have no idea how fast light travels...

But, it gets here too early in the morning.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Amazon are offering free fast delivery on every electrical transformer this week

Just search optimus prime

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GarageAromatic
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Who flies a fast plane and robs ships?

A fighter pirate

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/peterburk
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the baby vampire's least favorite fast food establishment?

Stake n shake!

(I'm not sure if this is a regional restaurant but I assure you it exists.)

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombieHeyHeyHeyOh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat spinach as fast as possible....

I'll call it Popeyedol.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Street sweepers may seem slow, but they're actually really fast.

They're always going "broom, broom."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goofon
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Kids grow up so fast

One minute you’re yelling at them for driving you up a wall. The next, you’re begging them to install a Stair-master...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMightyViking
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I always called it the β€œfast nut” but okay
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/poopgoose1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make someone fast on a Sunday?

Chase them

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B3nnoi123
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What sound do you make when you swept the floor too fast?

Broom broom

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KerkIsMe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before they run?

Nothing, they fast.

πŸ‘︎ 234
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is a photon able to go so fast?

It's traveling light!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a horse named Mayo

And Mayo neighs

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/explorin1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
🚨︎ report
How did you get to Tehran so fast?

I ran.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sentics
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fast escalator?

An Escasooner

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy-Squashy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
TIL: The French snails are faster than snails found anywhere else in the world.

L’ess Cargo.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
So, they have just announced the tenth Fast and Furious movie...

Fast 10 Your Seat Belts.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My fiancΓ©e pulled a fast one on me last night while we were talking

Talking about our dog, Baxter, who is deaf, a little clumsy, and a big goofball

Her: You know, maybe he does have some neurological issues.

Me: Maybe. But we wouldn’t know for sure unless we get a CAT-scan, and we’re too poor for that.

Her: Well, in this case it would be a DOG-scan, right?

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NC0828
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Driving down the highway with my son

And we were passed by a large semi hauling a load of cattle. I pointed to it and remarked "Well, if that's not fast food, I don't know what is..."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What fast food does a young cannibal order?

A kids meal.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a-scott-s-tot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast food restaurant from miles away?

He leads the league in Arby eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called...

Fast-10 your seat belts.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fish with two knees

A two-knee fish (say it fast)

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/random-comrade
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Heard the 10th Fast and The Furious movie is gonna be about car safety

Working title is called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamisNeat69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad was a midget, but I could never beat him in a race.

No matter how fast I ran, he was always a little father.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haribom
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
🚨︎ report
I should stop telling fast-food jokes.

They never McSense.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmirate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a german thief that's robbing a fast food restaurant?

A Hamburglar

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DUBSWAG02
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do pirate ships go so fast?

Because they’re hauling booty

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FreedomDirty5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
A clock started training for a marathon

Now everyone's mad it runs fast.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SabsUndercover
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Cars rip by at 200mph, so how fast do you have to be a NASCAR cameraman?

Reel quick

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Sometimes I struggle to crack eggs, but sometimes..

They Break-fast.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTayloceraptor
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?

Because, he had a hurry cane.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pewterpantheman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter what sprinters eat before a race

She said β€˜fast food’. I said β€˜no, dummy... that would give them the runs... they eat nothing; they fast’

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Driving behind a hearse, my wife asked β€œHow fast do you think a hearse can go?”

Me: I don’t think very fast at all

Wife: Why not?!

Me: Well I mean they have all that dead weight in the back...

Literally a conversation we had last night. She actually laughed out loud!

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeroWeDeserve87
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The Fast and The Furious 10 title should be dedicated to Paul Walker

Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
So Gandhi fasted every day. His body got weaker and weaker. His feet grew incredibly tough from walking barefoot. He was deep into Hindu spirituality. Unfortunately, he had chronic bad breath.

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast!

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_XSummerRoseX_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What sound does a fast witch make?

Broom broom!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashjmc89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Domidoms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.