Rudolph the red and his wife were on a stroll. Rudolph the red looked up at the sky and said "we should hurry up, there is a storm comming". So his wife asked "how do u know" and he replied...

"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13harry09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Which Avenger is always in a hurry?

Black Widow-- cause she's Russian

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mark_Septi_Pie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Slavic man in a hurry?

A Russian...

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MissHillary
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Using only the letters L H U T S E, how do you tell an investigator to hurry up?

Hustle, Sleuth.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't ever try eating a clock if you're in a hurry

It's time consuming

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"

I said "Because you're Russian me."

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MA121Alpha
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
For when you need to camp in a hurry
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargeYourBattery
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. β€œSon, hurry up, we’re running late.”

Son: β€œno dad, we’re walking late.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkey-Magic007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?

... Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aarondamaster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom: "Help! I'm hurt! Hurry, call me an ambulance!"

Dad: You're an ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into Luke Combs today and I was talking to him about when I caught a 10 lb bass. He said I’m kinda in a hurry, nice to meet you tho.

So I told him it might not mean much to you but it does to me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheProtecter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Tell me something about the British islands. No hurry.

No rush at all. Isle Wight.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mickets
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the Queen in a hurry to get to the pool at Westminister?

She didn't want to be late for her chlorination.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Csteel97
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a south American girl that's always in a hurry?

An urgent tina

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masesarkidd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Two chiropractors are hurrying to finish lunch.

They had to get backs to work.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
We have to hurry! We’re almost out of
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the-hot-dog-man
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Which country is always in a hurry?

Rush-ia

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the journalist in a hurry?

He had pressing matters to attend

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Dad in such a hurry to buy the glue right before the road trip?

Because it's important that everyone sticks to the plan.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rawSingularity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What are people who are always in a hurry called?

Rushians

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faethon-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.

All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HazyDayZ420
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What type of facial hair often has to leave in a hurry?

A moustache.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kettykie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Dad, hurry up! I don't have any patience left!

Dad: Son, you never had any, because you're not a doctor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoggyCake0312
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder

Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.

"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."

"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."

The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."

πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Curry

I had an idea to start an Indian fast food restaurant. I’d call it β€œHurry with the Curry”.

Unfortunately, my wife said it was a naan-starter.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/black_-_coffee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is Batman in such a hurry?

He’s gotta go to the Batroom.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What do eggs do when they are in a hurry?

They scramble!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a Guacamole in a hurry say?

AvoGottaGo!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dmed24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
If you are a fan of Russian literature you better hurry.

I heard Tolstoi’s R Us is going out of business.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Moisturize the air!

As fast as humidly possible.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cross_beaux
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of dressmaker does Taylor Swift use when in a hurry?

A swift tailor.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?

Because, he had a hurry cane.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pewterpantheman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I need to learn how to fly in a hurry

but all the flight schools I call hang up on me when I ask if they offer crash courses.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCheshireCody
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I was told by Putin to hurry it up when I was in the airport.

Quit Stalin or I'll have to be Russian over here.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dethmstr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Hurry up

Dad: hurry up! Me: I’m coming! Dad: so is Christmas!

Oof this is a bad post

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I need a pair of trousers altered in a hurry.

Does anyone know how I can get hold of Taylor Swift?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
All these storms are hitting the Gulf Coast a lot quicker than usual.

Must be why they call them hurry-canes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Red-Direct-Dad
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œHey son, can you hurry it up in the bathroom? I’m Little Drummer Boy-ing”

β€œI’ve gotta take a dump-a dump dump!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreatjamoco
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to cut my dads hair

When I went into the kitchen I noticed this near-empty spice bottle, when I realized what it was I had to hurry into the living room before the haircut as I pulled out this classic line with the bottle in-hand.

β€œWe have to hurry! I didn’t realize we were running out of thyme!”

I felt like the universe planted that perfectly for me.

I learned from the best, then I cut his hair.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mistafyed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Tonight I was at work and told a fellow employee I had to hurry and run straight to my next job from here.

He turned to me and asked, "wouldn't driving there be quicker?"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weenus_tickler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Everyone asked Robert Mueller to hurry up with the investigation..

He replied, "Quit Russian me!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gorogogo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasn’t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, β€œone ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, β€œTwo ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, β€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, β€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, β€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, β€œMen, bring me my brown pants.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RecTym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you eat a clock

It's very TIME CONSUMING

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamiraiBarry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was Batman in a hurry?

He had to go to the Batroom.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lum1nar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Which Avenger is in a hurry?

Black Widow. Shes Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_wallace
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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