A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"
"Yes, my master, I have."
"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"
"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."
"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"
"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."
"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."
When you leave the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster...
That's called A-pasta-cy
I'm proud of that one. I originally posted it to r/cleanjokes
What’s the difference between politicians and flying pigs?
Why Peter Pan always flying?
A family is flying to Japan on vacation. The son ask "dad, are we there yet" the dad replies "not yet son"
A few hours later the plane lands in japan. The dad looks at his son and says "okinawa here"
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he can never, never land
What type of owl is the worst at flying
I went to the park the other day and saw a guy flying one of those tiny RC quadcopters.
I asked him about it and that was a mistake.
He just kept droning on and on!
Shamelessly stolen from the "Flying Pigs" comedy troop.
I found out the other day that the flying spaghetti monster has a lot of anxiety.
I guess he suffers from impasta syndrome
I don't know why people are afraid of flying ?
Most crashes happen at ground level.
What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a forcefully flying pig?
One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
I'm flying to Florida today. Best part about the plane is
Harley-Davidson has invented a flying motorcycle.
The old bikes will henceforth be known as ground Hogs.
What do you call a flying bagel?
I wouldn’t say that flying is my favorite way to travel...
Why didn’t the helicopter like flying in the morning?
What do you call a man from the Netherlands who is also flying on a airplane?
I just saw two birds flying side by side into the courthouse.
I think they’re called “paraleagles.”
A drone is flying over my city
I bet it is doing a CT scan
What do you call a 60-year old flying in a jet- fighter?
When flying in V formation one side's often longer than the other. Do you know why that is?
That side has more birds on it
Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
A ball is flying towards me
What do we want? Low flying airplane noises
When do we want them? Nyoow
Two balloons flying through a desert.
One balloon to the other : watch out, there’s a cactussssss
Why don't ducks tell jokes while they're flying?
Because they would quack up!
On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “What are all these buttons for?”
“They are to keep your shirt done up” he replied.
What do you call two crows flying together
I tried flying on a magic carpet
It was a rugged experience
What did the man with the H1N1 Influenza Virus say when he saw a pig flying?
They were flying too high
Swarms of flying insects are threatening people all over the city.
The police have deployed all SWAT teams.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
How do you catch a flying Terminator?
Why did pilots use to have such a hard time flying straight?
All they had was biplanes
When ducks are flying south, they fly in a V formation. But one side is always longer. Do you know why?
There's more ducks on that side.
(As told by my father)
A guy in work asked why my son had given up his flying lessons.
I told him pilot jobs aren't really taking off at the moment.
Our local flying school is trialling a new programme to teach blind people how to fly.
I thought I just saw a flying sausage outside my window, but it was actually a migratory bird.
Looks like I’ve taken a tern for the wurst.
Despite being famous for flying, why did Peter Pan make for a terrible pilot?
I don't know why people are afraid of flying...
Most crashes happen at ground level.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
The first day of flying class, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, “Wow! What are all these buttons for?”
He said, “They are used to keep your shirt closed.”
Do you know why when geese are flying, one side of the V is longer?
There's more geese on that side.
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