What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
Wife: "I accidentally fell asleep while grading my student's projects."
Me: "I guess everyone's getting Z's"
What did Matthew McConaughey say when everything fell out of his Reuben?
All rye, all rye, all rye
What did the ear of corn say when it's clothes fell off?
Aw, shucks!
Credit: Bo Burnham
Fell into a snow globe.
No injuries, but I was really shaken.
Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.
Must be from my Uncle Ben.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
I fell asleep during Catholic mass.
I'm a Bored Again Christian.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
A Norwegian fell down a canyon...
I was walking down a hill and fell down.
I was trying to reshape the border of my back yard when my neighbours fence fell over...
A book just fell on my head
I only have my shelf to blame.
When the local carpenter was asked what it was like when he fell through a window?
He said,” All I felt was pane.”
Did you hear about the mechanic who fell asleep under the car?
He woke up oily in the morning
I fell asleep before New Years
Then Woke up in another year
What do you call a guy who fell into a well?
A copy of A Christmas Carol fell on my toe!
It hurts like the Dickens >_<
Today I slipped and fell while walking out to the car.
I was pissed. I was mad. I looked everywhere for the cause. But alas, it was my own asphalt.
Snoopy AKA Snoop dogg AKA the Red Baron has been spotted flying his Dogg house today. It is understood that he defeated his enemies in one fell snoop.
What did the poor detective say when he fell into the endless pit?
“I’m never going to get to the bottom of this.”
I was stacking wood and a piece fell and tried to hit me
He was all bark and no bite
Two antennas met on a roof and fell in love
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was incredible
I fell into a large vat of curry....
Was in a korma for a month.
Hey... Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage!
I told my friend a joke and he fell on the floor from laughter
I guess some people cant stand jokes
I tried to tell a joke about apartments but it fell flat
She fell in love with an archeologist
Her future in now in ruins
If you fell off a ladder, what would you fall against?
My sister fell in love with a welder.
My toes fell asleep after I wore shoes that were too small
What do you call a cow that fell on the floor
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
She fell in love with a proctologist
Got the ass end of the deal
She fell in love with a gardener
There once was a record store. The owner was seventy-four. One day he fell ill then wrote in his will , “bury me with records galore”
It was his vinyl resting place
What is big, green and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.
I can’t believe it’s not better.
A tub of margarine fell on my Foot last week
And it's still bruised, I can't believe it's not better.
What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A book fell on my head today.
A book fell on my head...
I only have my shelf to blame
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