I heard a cactus fell in love with a fruit tree.
They make a prickly pear.
Pete & Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?
Repeat.
Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?
Repeat….?
Ok. Pete & Repete were in a boat. Pete fell out & who was left?…
My grandpa’s favorite joke. (Peter 5)
I once fell in love with a melon farmer’s daughter. But when I asked if she wanted to run away and get married in secret, she turned me down.
She told me she cantaloupe.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the upholstery machine?
He’s fully recovered now.
(Credit to Colin Mochrie)
The first letter of the sign of a derelict hotel fell off and killed a man.
I got carded at a liquor store and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out
The cashier said nevermind
After a bad diy project, a load of books fell on my head.
I have only my shelf to blame.
A brick wall fell on a man.
What did the boy say as he accidentally fell down the slide?
My dad fell down the stairs and broke his arm.
He couldn't stop laughing though, it was a humerus situation.
The other day a bunch of books fell down on my head.
I guess I only have my shelve to blame!
What did the ear of corn say when it's clothes fell off?
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
A goat, a drums and a snake fell from a cliff
Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinder?
He made a spectacle of himself.
I just fell fell out of a window and broke my leg
It’s not going tibia ok for a while
Bob Dylan didn't seem surprised when a boulder fell off a mountain on top of his house.
He calmly said it was just like a rolling stone.
My uncle used to work at a factory that recycled worn out whitewalls. One day, he fell into one of the processing machines...
What happened to the two criminals who met at the courthouse during their trials and fell deeply in love with each other?
Fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels
Did you hear about the fish that fell asleep in school?
A bunch of books fell on me yesterday, but I couldn’t find anyone at fault in the accident.
I only have my shelf to blame.
I fell asleep last night while reading old magazines.
I woke up this morning with back issues.
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about her baby.
Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl. They're both fine. And, you're brother named them for you.
Woman: No No No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
Doctor: Denise.
Woman: Ohh, that's actually a nice name. What about the boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs Denephew.
A Norwegian fell down a canyon.
It was a Fjordian slip.
🍒🍓🍒
I fell at work and cracked my tailbone. Now I can’t sit down and I have to listen to everyone’s wise cracks..
All in all it’s been a real pain in the ass!
A girl fell in front of me and was very severely injured. She said "Call me an ambulance!"
I whispered in her ear "You're an ambulance"
What did the horse say when he fell?
I fell in love with my neighbor across the street.
It didn't work out. It was a lawn distance relationship.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the well? I found out why it happened.
He couldn’t see that well.
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
True story: As kids, my sister and I were fighting over the TV remote and it got heated. The remote flew across the room and a couple AAA batteries fell out. My sister threw one at me, and I grabbed a nearby salt shaker and threw it at her.
My mother, who was watching this go down, just laughs and says, "Assault and battery!"
She then left the room, cackling.
I fell in love with a cardiologist
She knows what my heart needs.
A hatchling pterodactyl fell out of its nest.
My brother stumbled and fell down the stairs
It wasn't a pleasant trip.
I fell into a giant seasoning processor
Now I'm parsley disfigured
What happened when the geese fell down stairs?
They all got goose bumps.
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....
I can't believe it's not better.
I fell down a really deep dark hole today.
I couldn't see that well.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
Wife: "I accidentally fell asleep while grading my student's projects."
Me: "I guess everyone's getting Z's"
Can an Admin tell me why my post was removed? It was very inconvenient... My whole fence fell down
Two drums, and a cymbal, fell off of a cliff...
Pete and Repeat were in a boat. Pete fell out. Who was left?
What is big, green and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell in a deep coma and woke up after about 6 months.
The woman asked the doctor about the baby.
The doctor: Congratulations. You had twins, both boys. They're both fine. And your brother named them a for you.
Woman: No. No. No! Not my brother. He's an idiot! What did he name them?
Doctor: He named one of them Pete, after your deceased father as he told me.
Woman: Oh that's actually a very nice name. What did he name the other boy?
Doctor: deeply sighs RePete.
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