Went in for a psychiatric evaluation and the shrink asked me to strip from the waist down!?

He said: Well, I can clearly see your nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/7PrawnStar7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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What is that super hero who shrinks down to subatomic levels?

Is it... Quark Kent...? Da dum tisssss

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Puni_corn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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What do you call a video game gorilla who shrinks by 50% each day?

Exponential DK

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ii_akinae_ii
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2016
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What do you call a retired shrink

A shrunk

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πŸ‘€︎ u/funkypatrick
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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I'm seeing a shrink because I keep beating myself up.

Turns out my therapist is my old high school bully. He says he can help me with that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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A guy goes to the shrink wrapped in Saran wrap

And the shrink says, "I can clearly see you're nuts"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shipless_Captain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2018
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Why did the cat see a shrink?

He had a pursonality disorder

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aureliella
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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Bought a shrink ray to use on myself. I'm starting an insect rodeo.

Turns out I'm best on the fly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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This thing makes bees shrink

You could say it's quite belittling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/siyuze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
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Did you hear about the Norse god who went through a shrink ray?

He was a little Thor afterwards.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2016
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Dr Shrink Rom speaks (Zero Theorem pun) imgur.com/gallery/42MXI47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintPauly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2014
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Classic dad joke in an old episode of the PBS children's cartoon "George Shrinks"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proletarium
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2014
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A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..

.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
🚨︎ report
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."

"Well, you just have to be a little patient."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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A guy walks into his doctors office saying, β€œHelp me, doctor, I’m shrinking.” β€œHold on,” says the doctor,

β€œBe a little patient.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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I just found out that Aaargghhh is not a real word.

I can’t tell you how angry I am at this.

πŸ‘︎ 304
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".

He said, β€œYou'll just have to be a little patient then”.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A man came to the doctor and said "you have to help me I'm shrinking", the doctor turned to him and said "I'm sorry you'll have to be a little patient"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alice_bae
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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In an effort to try to bring their snacks up to speed in terms of technology, Lay's is shrinking the size of their product by more than 50%.

They're calling them microchips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tehgreatiam
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A man runs into a hospital in a frenzy yelling "I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking!"

A nurse approaches him and says "Sir, you're just going to have to be a little patient."

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ickyfeet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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What's a psychiatrist's favorite type of music?

Shrink rap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CIMMGW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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I wonder if I'll get smaller when I'm a therapist

Cause then I'll be a shrink

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.

In short his practice is shrinking.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bardbelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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What did the Incredible Shrinking Man receive for his scientific breakthrough?

Atrophy

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ContentDoctor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
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Doctor Vist

A guy is going to see his shrink. when he gets there, just outside the door he strips down, gets butt naked & raps himself in suran wrap, then walks in/hops in, & goes & flops on the couch & says alright doc im ready! doc turns around, thinks for a minute, & says alright i can clearly see--- your nuts!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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She wanted a microwave for her birthday...

So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pseudonympholepsy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
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Did you hear about the guy with an untreatable case of Napoleon Complex?

He could never bring himself to see a shrink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliot91
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Why don't squirrels swim in cold water?

The nuts shrink.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/igi23295
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing Saran Wrap shorts

The shrink takes one look at him and says β€œI can clearly see your nuts!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What is a psychologist's most powerful weapon?

The shrink ray

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimelapseChef
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve recently started collecting ice...

It’s a quickly shrinking hobby.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/00_TIMing_30
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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I started composting to get into shape

I hear it really helps reduce your waste.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r3animate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
🚨︎ report
A moth flew in to a physiotherapists

The physio: what is wrong?

The moth: I feel so depressed, worthless, useless to society, and I really need help.

The physio: This is a Physiotherapists, I deal with physical issues, you need to go to a Psychologist, a shrink. Why did you come in here?

The Moth: "The light was on"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquishedGremlin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Pulled this one on my wife just a while ago

We were talking about a mutual friend recovering from cancer:

Wife: .. and her tumor shrunk at least 50% now.

Me: (almost instantly) So it's a onemor now? Good for her!

Wife: (Silence then a groan)

..I think I'm going to hell for that one.

EDIT: grammar thanks jonty57

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smalaki
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2014
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into his therapist's office naked, except for some saran wrap around his middle....

The shrink looks up at the guy and says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.

My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliothtz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2015
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Got some great news from my dad yesterday

Him: My test results came in. The tumors in my lungs and back haven't spread and have begun shrinking thanks to the treatment.

Me: That's wonderful!!!

Him: They're still there but at least they haven't increased by one and become tremors.

Me: Hm? I don't ge......oh goddammit.

My dad everyone. Even when battling cancer, there's still time to make a joke.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitesummerside
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2015
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Realtalk

I asked my dad why he is seeing a shrink. He responded (dead serious):

Because I need to be shrunk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kwek40
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife dad-joke'd me while I was showering.

So I was enjoying my nice warm shower. She says "Do you always take cold showers in the morning?" I say, "I'm not taking a cold shower."

She says "...yet", and pour ice cold water on me.

I would've groaned, but I was too busy shrinking.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hm03surf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2014
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My dads joke about 10 years ago

I was about seven when my mom dad and I were driving past a graveyard when my dad asks me question. Dad: How many dead people are in the graveyard? Me: Idk like 100 Dad: All of them! Next thing I hear is an uproar of laughter from him and my mom, while I just shrink down in my seat in defeat. He kept doing the same joke for 5 more years

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALesbianTowel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2015
🚨︎ report

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