A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
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︎ Apr 16 2021
Thought my dryer was shrinking my clothes...
Turns out it was my refrigerator.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Patient: βDoctor! Somethings wrong! Iβm shrinking!β
Doctor: βTake it easy, sir. Youβll just have to be a little patient.β
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︎ Feb 12 2021
A guy walks into his doctors office saying, βHelp me, doctor, Iβm shrinking.β βHold on,β says the doctor,
βBe a little patient.β
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︎ Mar 08 2020
I went to see my Doctor this morning and told him "The tablets you gave me to stop me shrinking aren't working".
He said, βYou'll just have to be a little patient thenβ.
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︎ Nov 26 2019
In an effort to try to bring their snacks up to speed in terms of technology, Lay's is shrinking the size of their product by more than 50%.
They're calling them microchips.
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︎ Feb 20 2019
A man runs into a hospital in a frenzy yelling "I'm shrinking! I'm shrinking!"
A nurse approaches him and says "Sir, you're just going to have to be a little patient."
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︎ Jan 18 2018
What did the Incredible Shrinking Man receive for his scientific breakthrough?
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︎ Jan 11 2016
My French shrink gave me a gift...
It has a great SantΓ© Mentale value
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︎ Apr 23 2021
Why did Ken shrink his street fighting friend's blue box?
He heard you have to reduce Ryu's recycle.
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Went in for a psychiatric evaluation and the shrink asked me to strip from the waist down!?
He said: Well, I can clearly see your nuts
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︎ Jun 22 2020
I just found out that Aaargghhh is not a real word.
I canβt tell you how angry I am at this.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
What is that super hero who shrinks down to subatomic levels?
Is it... Quark Kent...?
Da dum tisssss
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︎ Apr 24 2019
What do you call a video game gorilla who shrinks by 50% each day?
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︎ Oct 28 2016
Due to freezing conditions in New York, the mens American Naturist Society....
.....has seen the size of their members shrink dramatically.
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︎ Feb 13 2021
What do you call a retired shrink
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︎ Apr 30 2019
I'm seeing a shrink because I keep beating myself up.
Turns out my therapist is my old high school bully. He says he can help me with that.
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︎ Oct 19 2018
A guy goes to the shrink wrapped in Saran wrap
And the shrink says, "I can clearly see you're nuts"
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︎ Dec 12 2018
Why did the cat see a shrink?
He had a pursonality disorder
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︎ Jul 25 2018
Bought a shrink ray to use on myself. I'm starting an insect rodeo.
Turns out I'm best on the fly.
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︎ Sep 30 2018
This thing makes bees shrink
You could say it's quite belittling.
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︎ Aug 04 2017
Did you hear about the Norse god who went through a shrink ray?
He was a little Thor afterwards.
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︎ Nov 23 2016
My brother-in-law, a clinical psychologist, says he is cutting back the days and hours of his work week.
In short his practice is shrinking.
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︎ Aug 10 2020
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︎ Oct 22 2014
Classic dad joke in an old episode of the PBS children's cartoon "George Shrinks"
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︎ Oct 21 2014
I wonder if I'll get smaller when I'm a therapist
Cause then I'll be a shrink
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Doctor Vist
A guy is going to see his shrink. when he gets there, just outside the door he strips down, gets butt naked & raps himself in suran wrap, then walks in/hops in, & goes & flops on the couch & says alright doc im ready! doc turns around, thinks for a minute, & says alright i can clearly see--- your nuts!
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︎ May 18 2020
Did you hear about the guy with an untreatable case of Napoleon Complex?
He could never bring himself to see a shrink.
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︎ Nov 25 2019
A man walks into a psychiatristβs office wearing Saran Wrap shorts
The shrink takes one look at him and says βI can clearly see your nuts!β
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︎ Oct 08 2019
She wanted a microwave for her birthday...
So I pointed and fired my shrink ray at her hand.
π︎ 2
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︎ Mar 04 2020
Why don't squirrels swim in cold water?
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 27 2019
What is a psychologist's most powerful weapon?
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 21 2019
Iβve recently started collecting ice...
Itβs a quickly shrinking hobby.
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︎ Dec 26 2018
Pulled this one on my wife just a while ago
We were talking about a mutual friend recovering from cancer:
Wife: .. and her tumor shrunk at least 50% now.
Me: (almost instantly) So it's a onemor now? Good for her!
Wife: (Silence then a groan)
..I think I'm going to hell for that one.
EDIT: grammar thanks jonty57
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︎ Feb 22 2014
A moth flew in to a physiotherapists
The physio: what is wrong?
The moth: I feel so depressed, worthless, useless to society, and I really need help.
The physio: This is a Physiotherapists, I deal with physical issues, you need to go to a Psychologist, a shrink. Why did you come in here?
The Moth: "The light was on"
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︎ Nov 28 2018
Last night, like every night, I dreamt I was half horse, half man.
My shrink says I'm just being self centaured.
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︎ Jan 11 2015
Got some great news from my dad yesterday
Him: My test results came in. The tumors in my lungs and back haven't spread and have begun shrinking thanks to the treatment.
Me: That's wonderful!!!
Him: They're still there but at least they haven't increased by one and become tremors.
Me: Hm? I don't ge......oh goddammit.
My dad everyone. Even when battling cancer, there's still time to make a joke.
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︎ Nov 11 2015
My wife dad-joke'd me while I was showering.
So I was enjoying my nice warm shower. She says "Do you always take cold showers in the morning?" I say, "I'm not taking a cold shower."
She says "...yet", and pour ice cold water on me.
I would've groaned, but I was too busy shrinking.
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︎ Sep 08 2014
Realtalk
I asked my dad why he is seeing a shrink. He responded (dead serious):
Because I need to be shrunk.
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︎ Jul 03 2014
My dads joke about 10 years ago
I was about seven when my mom dad and I were driving past a graveyard when my dad asks me question.
Dad: How many dead people are in the graveyard?
Me: Idk like 100
Dad: All of them!
Next thing I hear is an uproar of laughter from him and my mom, while I just shrink down in my seat in defeat.
He kept doing the same joke for 5 more years
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︎ Jan 23 2015
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
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︎ Dec 28 2020
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
π︎ 59
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︎ Jan 06 2021
A man came to the doctor and said "you have to help me I'm shrinking", the doctor turned to him and said "I'm sorry you'll have to be a little patient"
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︎ Oct 29 2019
A guy walks into his therapist's office naked, except for some saran wrap around his middle....
The shrink looks up at the guy and says "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
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︎ Nov 13 2016
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