Why has there been a dramatic decrease in the shrimp population?

There are too many Shellfish Fishermen!

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👤︎ u/panXaXe
📅︎ May 02 2018
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My local newspaper ran a story on the decrease of cow psychics.

It was called "Steak Medium Rare"

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📅︎ Jan 06 2017
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What cancer are anarchists at decreased risk for?

prostate

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👤︎ u/jimmpony
📅︎ Oct 13 2015
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I told my dad that my air bnb bookings had been decreasing recently

His response: "try earth bnb and then water bnb instead"

.....

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👤︎ u/joykin
📅︎ Sep 02 2015
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So i posted this OC in r/jokes a while ago and it only got 2 upvotes. Hoping you intellectuals will appreciate it more ....... Why do environmentalists iron their clothes?

To decrease the materials being used.

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👤︎ u/M1zchL
📅︎ Jul 23 2019
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I'm getting my newborn son circumcised and the pediatrician said it was going to cost $167.

I told them "I hope that includes the tip."

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📅︎ Feb 11 2016
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Study tip: Don't drink water while studying

Because water decreases concentration.

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📅︎ Dec 07 2018
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Best joke of my life (kinda)

So at my school, we had a pipe burst.

Joke at the end of you want to skip

Now it's pretty normal in the midwest, where I live, to have this thing. It started with the fire alarm going off, because of the pressure decrease, and the school was evacuated. We were all eventually brought back, for it was cold. We sat in our gym for AN HOUR before being dismissed back to our classes.

So it's near the end of the day and I have gym class. And I'm having your normal conversation with a friend about the school's financial problems. And we were just talking about how the school is going to have to pay so much money for the new pipe and the ceiling tiles and the cleaning etc.

And then it was my moment to shine.

So the conversation is almost over and the friend says,

"It'll be a while before normal funds go back".

And I just say this:

"Yeah man, the school's money is going down the drain".

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📅︎ Feb 28 2019
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A periodic table.

I told my dad we were studying the periodic table in chemistry he sent me this

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📅︎ Jul 15 2015
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In an announcement to coincide with International Women's Day, the Church of England has announced a drive to increase the number of female vicars...

They want to decrease the gender pray gap

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👤︎ u/cybot2001
📅︎ Mar 08 2019
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My local bowling league has just began a walkout until better playing conditions are met

People are still unsure if strikes have increased or decreased during this period

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📅︎ Aug 05 2017
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[Meta] Get your shit together, /r/dadjokes

This sub started out so great. It was a place with funny dad jokes and silly stories about horrible jokes that dads have made to clerks or waiters or whoever. Now this place might as well just be /r/jokes or /r/punny because that's all that ever gets posted here.

It seems that in every comment section of any post, somebody will make a joke and the top reply just says "/r/dadjokes" so I think that is what is contributing to this decrease in quality (unless I'm just imagining it, but I've seen a vocal section of you who complain too)

So can we try to get back to what this sub used to be? I don't really know what could be done, but I'm sure our moderator(s) can make a new rule or something

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📅︎ Oct 30 2013
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Eyesight test
  1. You will need a few small pieces of paper or 'cards'. Write down a short sentence on each piece starting with a large font and slowly decreasing it as you go. The last piece should have "I can't see" and all of them should be legible from a short distance. Print if you must!
  2. Find a victim friend/child and tell them you have read about an eye test on the internet that you can do at home which will provide an estimate to your eyesight and that you wish to try it on them.
  3. Chances are they will agree. If they're embarrassed their eyesight is bad or similar convince them it doesn't matter. If they are wearing glasses you can ask them to take them off to make your story seem more authentic. Stand a bit away from target (the distance you stand from said person should be enough so they can read all your cards so alter according to their eyesight)
  4. Slowly reveal each card and ask your subject to read them out aloud.
  5. When you reach your final card and they read it out, if
... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Sep 20 2013
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