Contraction Puns

"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"

I said "aren't there?"

it's what it's

Who're

The only thing I responded with was, “I wouldn’t.”

I said whatever. It's what it's.

Me: So you think he might be born by midnight?

Her: I dunno...we might get in there and the triage nurse says I'm only 1cm

Me: Hmmm...I think you're more like 5'2"

It went down as well as you might expect.

My dad: Can't she hold it in? It's Independence Day not Labor Day!

I got there as soon as I can and called her back , “Right. I’m now at the hospital. What do you want me to do now?”

They hooked up the monitoring belt to her and I asked the nurse if the sensors could send data to my phone. She said no, but I was really hoping for push notifications.

It's time to make like a fetus and head out this mother

Make them sign on the dotted line.

“Those are just contractions.”

WHO let the dogs out.

The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions

ORGANized dismissal

This is because they're filled with anty bodies.

Suddenly the contractions Start.

"Can't, won't, I'm, haven't, don't, isn't" she said.

Sometimes the contractions gets so strong, she shouts "y'all'd've"

It's because they're ice-o-lated.

I wouldn't accept his perms and conditions.

What are your best dad jokes for the maternity visit? The baby is days away and I need an arsenal for these here finger guns (☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞

He croaked.

A hippocritic oaf.

My dad responded: "We could all be getting viruses from our computers right now."

A contraction.

It's called the Santa Clause

Too much violins on tv.

A painter is desperate and bids low for a contract to paint the outside of a church. He figures he could still make a profit by adding water to the paint. He wins the contract.

He goes out one sunny day and after a long day's work, he finishes. Thunder cracks and the rain washes away the paint. A voice from the sky booms, "Repaint and thin no more!"

Baggers can't be choosers after all.

Kept on insisting that I had promised to build him a treehouse but I don't remember evergreening this elm of a contract. Though he kept inisisting I had birch the agreement due to the long delay but my attempt to confern the fertility of the spruce was in roots. Now I have to oak up and face the spruce. My weekend has been soiled and I now have to maple my son's treehouse whilst I willow my day away. Although... Now that I twig about it, having a treehouse in my yard sounds like a pine idea.

I'm.

We were talking about his daughter Patience, who had contracted an illness and started glowing green. To tell me he sat me down, looked me in the eyes and said; "Patience is a vert hue,".

The man looks shocked and asks "Oh no! What's the Cure?"

But it was on the house.

He made a killing.

But every time I visit the countryside I get soft and lose my edge

She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!

Dino-sores.

The sign clearly said, “Fine for parking."

“I am sorry, honey,” I replied. “What is wrong?”

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.

To clarify, WHO let the dogs out