Why do fighter pilots hate playing golf?

They keep hitting bogeys.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WW2historynut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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Why did the pilot get sent to his room

Bad altitude

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joe_mama_89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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Why couldn't Joseph Stalin be a pilot?

He was always stalin.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
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What's the German WW2 pilot's favourite dessert?

Luftwaffle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turaell
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.

All of his friends called him plain stupid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyArmy2019
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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First day as a pilot....

Me: (Looking down nervously ) "What are these buttons for?"

Co Pilot: "They keep your shirt closed "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...

He made a lovely job of the landing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?

It was charged with battery

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pikindaguy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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You need a pilots license before you become a spy.

After all, you'll be in da skies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ukuleloser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What kind of pizza did the pilot prefer?

Plain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Why are pilots so hard to find?

Because they're always in disguise!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
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Twenty One Pilots are not a very successful band

They’re still fairly local

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterPrize
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.

The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karanrime
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Why did the LGBTQ pilot refuse to fly 747s?

He said he prefers bi-planes

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Why did pilots use to have such a hard time flying straight?

All they had was biplanes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyArnoldPalmer2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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I'd tell you a pilot joke

But I don't have the right attitude.

I hope yaw appreciate my pitch though

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.

He did a lovely job of the landing.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Despite being famous for flying, why did Peter Pan make for a terrible pilot?

Because he Never Lands

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManWithTheFlan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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TIL Older forms of English kept Latin’s gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.

This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neffability
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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Why do Air Force pilots salute differently?

Because they’re above us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyMo1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.

He was in the wrong craft.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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What did the fawning plane propeller say to the pilot once they had landed?

I'm your biggest fan!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fkedifiknow
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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First day as a pilot, I asked my co-pilot; β€œwhat are those buttons for?”

β€œTo keep your shirt closed.β€œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halfblood_god
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.

He did a lovely job of the landing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-Messy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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I thought it was odd when I saw a police officer dressed up as an airline pilot.

Then it dawned on me...

He must be one of those plane clothes cops!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MsUneek
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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A pilot, Jedi, and Sith Lord walks into a cantina

The bartender says, "What can I get you, Anakin?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mommypanda35
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.

He made a lovely job of the landing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommadds
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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I once tried to start a comedy career by telling jokes about my days as a pilot.

Sadly, I could never get my jokes to land, and just kept crashing and burning on stage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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What did the air traffic controller say to the angry pilot?

Cool ya jets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1m4h4x0r309
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.

Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exaball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Joke my 4 year old came up with. What did one pilot say to the other?

Who’s flying this thing?!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/witcher_woman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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Had a painter round. He said he was a laid off US Airline pilot ..

Made a great job of the landing ..

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSidViciouSS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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my first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?

copilot: they keep your shirt closed

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigbrady99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Just had a painter and decorator round, hes a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot.

He made a lovely job of the landing....

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retrotone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When a pilot flies past a plane he once piloted,

He's flying by the seat of his pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Is it just me or is 21 pilots 19 more than they need?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IvanDimitriov
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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A pilot told a joke and he and his plane disappeared.

It didn't land.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brannigans_Law__
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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Chinese Pilots
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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There’s a reason why pilots don’t buy beachside property.

Too low terrain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef

The steaks had never been higher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s an airline pilots favourite flavour of crisps?

Plane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rob_Haggis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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My brother has a pilot's licence but only for private flights. So, he put ads all over his plane.

Now he flies commercial.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the pilot say when a group of birds crashed on his plane?

What the flock.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmrhunder51
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.

He was in the wrong craft.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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