Why did the pilot get sent to his room
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What's the German WW2 pilot's favourite dessert?
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.
All of his friends called him plain stupid.
π︎ 46
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︎ Nov 05 2020
First day as a pilot....
Me: (Looking down nervously ) "What are these buttons for?"
Co Pilot: "They keep your shirt closed "
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...
He made a lovely job of the landing!
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Did you hear about the Tesla on auto-pilot that tried to run over a cop?
It was charged with battery
π︎ 32
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︎ Nov 17 2020
You need a pilots license before you become a spy.
After all, you'll be in da skies.
π︎ 15
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What kind of pizza did the pilot prefer?
π︎ 11
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Why are pilots so hard to find?
Because they're always in disguise!
π︎ 157
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︎ Aug 13 2020
Twenty One Pilots are not a very successful band
Theyβre still fairly local
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 09 2020
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 29 2020
Why did the LGBTQ pilot refuse to fly 747s?
He said he prefers bi-planes
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Why did pilots use to have such a hard time flying straight?
All they had was biplanes
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 17 2020
I'd tell you a pilot joke
But I don't have the right attitude.
I hope yaw appreciate my pitch though
π︎ 8
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︎ Sep 06 2020
Weβve just had a decorator in to do some work. I got chatting to him, and it turns out he is a pilot on furlough, earning a bit of cash.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 12 2020
As a pilot in the Navy I have to wake up early in the morning
You know, for my morning portie.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Despite being famous for flying, why did Peter Pan make for a terrible pilot?
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 15 2020
Why do Air Force pilots salute differently?
Because theyβre above us.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 06 2020
TIL Older forms of English kept Latinβs gender-specific suffixes -tor and -trix; tor is for men and trix is for women. So a male pilot is an aviator, a female pilot is an aviatrix. A male fighter is a gladiator, a female fighter is a gladiatrix.
This contrasts with the modern system, where tor is for both men and women, and trix are for kids.
π︎ 52
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︎ Jun 02 2020
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.
He was in the wrong craft.
π︎ 254
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︎ Apr 21 2020
What did the fawning plane propeller say to the pilot once they had landed?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 30 2020
I thought it was odd when I saw a police officer dressed up as an airline pilot.
Then it dawned on me...
He must be one of those plane clothes cops!
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I have had a decorator in this week. Turns out he is normally a Pilot for BA, but has been furloughed due to Corona.
He did a lovely job of the landing.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 11 2020
A pilot, Jedi, and Sith Lord walks into a cantina
The bartender says, "What can I get you, Anakin?"
π︎ 25
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︎ Jul 11 2020
I once tried to start a comedy career by telling jokes about my days as a pilot.
Sadly, I could never get my jokes to land, and just kept crashing and burning on stage.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 24 2020
What did the air traffic controller say to the angry pilot?
π︎ 2
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︎ Aug 01 2020
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 16 2020
Joke my 4 year old came up with. What did one pilot say to the other?
Whoβs flying this thing?!
π︎ 12
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︎ Jun 24 2020
A pilot told a joke and he and his plane disappeared.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 10 2020
Thereβs a reason why pilots donβt buy beachside property.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 16 2020
Chinese Pilots
π︎ 21
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︎ Feb 24 2020
Is it just me or is 21 pilots 19 more than they need?
π︎ 5k
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︎ Dec 13 2018
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
π︎ 2
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︎ May 21 2020
Whatβs an airline pilots favourite flavour of crisps?
π︎ 95
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︎ Dec 08 2019
What did the pilot say when a group of birds crashed on his plane?
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 23 2020
My brother has a pilot's licence but only for private flights. So, he put ads all over his plane.
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 10 2020
Why can't you beat a pilot?
They are always prepared for a-rrival.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 26 2020
First day as a pilot, I asked my co-pilot; βwhat are those buttons for?β
βTo keep your shirt closed.β
π︎ 18
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Weβve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot whoβs been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Had a painter round. He said he was a laid off US Airline pilot ..
Made a great job of the landing ..
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 11 2020
my first day working as a pilot: *looking down nervously* what are all these buttons for?
copilot: they keep your shirt closed
π︎ 2k
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︎ Aug 28 2019
I met a pilot once who said he actually wanted to be a sailor.
He was in the wrong craft.
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 21 2020
Just had a painter and decorator round, hes a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot.
He made a lovely job of the landing....
π︎ 6
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︎ Jun 13 2020
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