How do you quickly burn 900 calories?
By forgetting the pizza in the oven
Husband: Excuse me, I have to call my client quickly
My response: why did he change his name to quickly?
I sent a circle to college, and it quickly became the smartest object on the planet.
Seriously, it had 360 degrees!
The key to falling asleep quickly is to sleep at the edge of the bed.
My son's school bus driver told him to quickly find a seat.
"There's one!" he yelled. "Look, there's another one right there! And another over there!"
He walked home that day.
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
What do you call a president that you quickly turn off and on?
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
What paper product speaks really quickly?
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.
I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.
Days when I don't eat anything pass so quickly.
I guess they are fast days.
My children are learning quickly...
Yesterday my daughter balanced a bottle of Poland Springs on her head and then exclaimed, “Help Daddy! I can’t breathe underwater!!"
I watched an old lady in a head wrap get mugged for her purse before she quickly stabbed the man and took it back.
It was a shawl shank redemption
What do you call quickly made Italian coffee?
I went to an outdoor mall today and there was guy misting water at people as they walked by. My wife quickly avoided him.
Mister mister missed her.
Well that escalated quickly
How do you quickly describe the explosion of a skyscraper?
My employer told me I have to learn a new language, and quickly.
How did they develop the covid vaccine so quickly?
I heard my niece screaming that she was drowning in the bathroom. I ran quickly into the bathroom to see what was wrong.
She had a glass of water on her head and said “I’m underwater”
Just finished reading a book about how to make clothes quickly...
I tried learning about all the different kinds of aircraft but I quickly found out girls didn’t like that basic personality trait
They thought I was such a plane guy
Azad Khan, a chef in a local Indian restaurant, overstretched and fell headlong into a vat of hot curry. An ambulance was quickly at the scene and he was taken to hospital.
Fortunately he is alive but is still in a korma.
Without a tallow source, I improvised quickly after remembering my grandma's recipe...
How to boost resell value of your electronic quickly.
Why Do You Have To Act Quickly During A Flood
Because it's an emergent sea.
A woman tripped and fell off the balcony and had been cut in half. Still conscious, she was quickly rushed to the hospital...
Manager: what did the doctor say to the woman’s family?
Me: after thinking ...yea I’m not sure
Manager: “she was ALL RIGHT.”
Me: oh, I thought you were going to say “There’s nothing LEFT.”
The manager at work got a kick out of that because that was an answer he has never gotten before lol figured I’d post it here.
It's incredible how quickly fashion changes. Last year it was hydroflasksksksks...
...now it is covid masksksksks.
When you want to end a race quickly
My 17yo daughter, while reading the ingredients of a new supplement that I’m taking, noticed that vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5 and B6 were included. She quickly asked, “what about B4? Where’s it?”
I quickly responded, it’s not there because you had it already.
The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
I accidentally sat upon a solo album by the lead guitarist, keyboardist and backing vocalist of the band U2 but quickly jumped up, scared that I broke it.
For a second, I was on Edge.
Was eating dinner with my wife when she quickly got up for seconds. “I’m starved! I haven’t been eating right”, she said. So I asked:
“Is that why you are eating everything that’s left?”
When someone on Earth transmits complaints to an astronaut in space, their argument is quickly escalated.
Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
Why must you act quickly during a flood?
Because it's an emergent sea.
You have to act quickly during a flood.
Because it's an emergent sea.
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