π︎ 15
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︎ Dec 18 2018
Just a quick Thank you!
I've been sharing the Dad Jokes from here that pop up in my suggestion line. My Dad and I work together, so we're both off for the School break. Half the time he rolls his eyes and the other half he chuckles. So, thank you, Dad Jokers, for making my Dad chuckle in whatever this strange year has been!
π︎ 25
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Had the wife stop the movie to watch a quick clip. After she sat down I told her" You could cut the dogs feet off".
She said "I don't understand.....".
I said " UN-PAUSE".
I had to explain it to her...
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 30 2020
LPT: A quick and easy way to make money is to take pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
Itβs like shooting fish in apparel.
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 18 2020
A bloke runs in to a bar and says. Quick how tall are penguins? The barman says about three feet. The man groans and says :--
I have just run over a NUN
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Just a quick apology to those Take That fans I offended earlier.
Whatever I said, whatever I did
I didn't mean it.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Quick Update: The dime actually won the presidency!
π︎ 9
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︎ Nov 04 2020
Just a quick shout out to my favorite Jewish bread.
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Batman gets word that somebody is in trouble and needs to be rescued quick...
Batman: Robin! Quick! Go get the Batmobile!
Robin: Sure thing, Batman!
A few minutes later...
Robin: The Batmobile won't start. In fact, it won't even turn over!
Batman: Check the battery.
Robin: What's a tery?
π︎ 13
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Just had a quick conversation with my dad and thought it belonged here
Me: The washer is free
Dad: No it wasnβt, it cost a lot
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 11 2020
Quick Guys! Call me a doctor!
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Why are the soviets so quick at doing their work?
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 05 2020
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".
"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".
π︎ 47
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Quick as a flash my dad
Me: βHey mom whatβs puree ?
(Before she even takes a breath my dad pipes up)
Dad: βThatβs a Canadianβ
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 22 2020
That escalated quick
π︎ 43
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︎ Jun 10 2020
It just went to 100 real quick
π︎ 127
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︎ Jun 02 2020
My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults...
Good man, terrible geologist...
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 14 2020
Eye did not see that coming to light so quick
π︎ 46
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︎ Feb 25 2020
A quick knock knock joke
Me: Knock knock
Reddit: Who's there?
Me: Wu
Reddit: Wu, who?
Me: Woohoo, it's my blue triangle day!
π︎ 33
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︎ Apr 12 2020
My friend is running for treasurer and needs to make an eight second video for the video announcing the candidates, any good quick money puns for that?
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 13 2020
DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance.
ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance?
DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [...dies]
π︎ 70
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︎ Jan 22 2020
I meant to just give my keyboard a quick dusting... And then I lost control.
π︎ 59
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︎ Dec 02 2019
Quick health warning: You canβt touch this.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Apr 18 2018
Just had to do a quick poop.
I guess you could say I had the runs.
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 10 2020
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, βQuick, pee on it!β So I peed on it and saidβ¦
βThatβs for stinging my wife!β
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 30 2020
Ron: Harry, come quick! Dumbledoreβs been in some sort of accident!
Harry: Oh my god! Was it serious?
Ron: No. it was Snape.
π︎ 26
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︎ Feb 15 2020
What goes "quick, quick"?
π︎ 34
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︎ Jan 31 2020
The guy who paints the center line down the highway came into my deli for a quick bite...
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 27 2020
I'd make a joke about quick sand but..
It would take a while to sink in.
π︎ 30
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︎ Jul 01 2019
During my trip to Madrid I was staying at this small motel when I grew pretty ill. Thankfully the people at the front desk sent the on call doctor over and he was able to fix me up real quick. I told him I didn't expect such a small place to have such a good doctor, to which he told me
Nobody expects the Spanish Inn Physician
π︎ 18
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︎ Oct 08 2019
I recently went to Nice, France, I'll do a quick report
I liked the city. It was Nice.
I didn't have a lot of luck with girls there however, I heard it's full of Nice girls and Nice guys.
TL;DR: Nice trip.
π︎ 4
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︎ Nov 04 2019
A quick one before I log out
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 25 2019
Quick Question ...
Can I legally wear my 2020 glasses while driving cuz technically ...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 01 2020
Why are dads so witty and quick in arguments?
Because they have great response ability.
π︎ 27
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︎ Oct 28 2019
Quick question
Is the word 'Lung membrane' singular or pleural?
π︎ 4
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︎ Apr 23 2019
Quick aside. If admiral ackbar contracted a minnow-scule amount of salmon-ella poisson-ing while tuna-ing his guitar on his carp-et, would he instead need to use his bass tonight?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 03 2019
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 27 2019
Pops was quick on his feet
So my mom asked my dad about a family friend who is having a baby, she asked what his name was gunna be and after some mild mom research she figures out his name is Finley. Without hesitation my dad says βwell, at least heβs going to be a hell of a swimmerβ and Iβll be damned if I didnβt look at him and giggle a tad.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 08 2019
Quick, silver medal for this pun!
π︎ 69
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︎ Oct 11 2018
My construction foreman asked me if I knew who made accurate crosscuts in a workpiece by pulling a mounted circular blade down onto a board in a quick motion...
I told him I miter saw who it was...
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Quick moment to appreciate the tweet title.
π︎ 52
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︎ Mar 08 2019
"Mr. Wayne, I really gotta pee." ... "Quick Robin, to the Batroom."
π︎ 2
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︎ May 01 2019
My Dad always told me "Don't be quick to find faults."
He was a good man, but a terrible geologist
π︎ 20
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︎ May 13 2020
My dad told me βDonβt be quick to find faultsβ
Great man, terrible geologist
π︎ 75
π
︎ Feb 07 2020
My dad always told me, "Don't be quick to find faults"...
Good man, terrible geologist...
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Sep 11 2017
My dad always told me "don't be quick to find faults."
Good Dad, terrible geologist.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Jan 27 2019
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