How do you quickly burn 900 calories?

By forgetting the pizza in the oven

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I sent a circle to college, and it quickly became the smartest object on the planet.

Seriously, it had 360 degrees!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nekronous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
The key to falling asleep quickly is to sleep at the edge of the bed.

You'll soon drop off.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/West_Yorkshire
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My son's school bus driver told him to quickly find a seat.

"There's one!" he yelled. "Look, there's another one right there! And another over there!"

He walked home that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.

Guess you could say that it was a close shave

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zomgz0mbie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
That escalated quickly
πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reagiamo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a president that you quickly turn off and on?

A blinkin'

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/japandler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What paper product speaks really quickly?

Wrapping paper.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?

A brief Wellington

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Giraffaery
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
When he found out I was sick, my friend messaged me, hoping that I will quickly find a deep hole in a ground full of water.

I'm happy he wished me to get well soon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Days when I don't eat anything pass so quickly.

I guess they are fast days.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaelTadh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My children are learning quickly...

Yesterday my daughter balanced a bottle of Poland Springs on her head and then exclaimed, β€œHelp Daddy! I can’t breathe underwater!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched an old lady in a head wrap get mugged for her purse before she quickly stabbed the man and took it back.

It was a shawl shank redemption

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/De_Salvation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call quickly made Italian coffee?

Expresso

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/octalgon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to an outdoor mall today and there was guy misting water at people as they walked by. My wife quickly avoided him.

Mister mister missed her.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you quickly describe the explosion of a skyscraper?

Long story short.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CocozuBR
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Well that escalated quickly
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silongu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How did they develop the covid vaccine so quickly?

They were russian

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_lmaoxd_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My employer told me I have to learn a new language, and quickly.

So I chose Russian.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried learning about all the different kinds of aircraft but I quickly found out girls didn’t like that basic personality trait

They thought I was such a plane guy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notmyname3623
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Azad Khan, a chef in a local Indian restaurant, overstretched and fell headlong into a vat of hot curry. An ambulance was quickly at the scene and he was taken to hospital.

Fortunately he is alive but is still in a korma.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Just finished reading a book about how to make clothes quickly...

It was Sew-Sew!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johiam21
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Without a tallow source, I improvised quickly after remembering my grandma's recipe...

It was no suet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How to boost resell value of your electronic quickly.

Just needs an Apple logo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALizardKing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
That escalated quickly
πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/school-yeeter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why Do You Have To Act Quickly During A Flood

Because it's an emergent sea.

πŸ‘︎ 525
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackKeogh01
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A woman tripped and fell off the balcony and had been cut in half. Still conscious, she was quickly rushed to the hospital...

Manager: what did the doctor say to the woman’s family? Me: after thinking ...yea I’m not sure Manager: β€œshe was ALL RIGHT.” Me: oh, I thought you were going to say β€œThere’s nothing LEFT.” The manager at work got a kick out of that because that was an answer he has never gotten before lol figured I’d post it here.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slammin_Salmon94
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
It's incredible how quickly fashion changes. Last year it was hydroflasksksksks...

...now it is covid masksksksks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rover359
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
That escalated quickly
πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
That escalated quickly v.redd.it/rw6gcjn1jzt11
πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robbzter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
🚨︎ report
That escalated quickly
πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucas1006
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ARandom-Penguin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
When you want to end a race quickly
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePinkPanda205
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My 17yo daughter, while reading the ingredients of a new supplement that I’m taking, noticed that vitamins B1, B2, B3, B5 and B6 were included. She quickly asked, β€œwhat about B4? Where’s it?”

I quickly responded, it’s not there because you had it already.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hrd4Yew69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
That de-escalated quickly ffs v.redd.it/poeqd16aegb31
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fair_SOTS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The mayor of Cowville hosted a citywide celebration of their milk. At the opening ceremony the mayor stood proudly above a pool of milk to show the exceptional quality. Unfortunately as he left the stage he fell into the pool of milk. The townsmen quickly rescued him and asked if he was okay:

"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snaaaaaaaaaake
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sat upon a solo album by the lead guitarist, keyboardist and backing vocalist of the band U2 but quickly jumped up, scared that I broke it.

For a second, I was on Edge.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Was eating dinner with my wife when she quickly got up for seconds. β€œI’m starved! I haven’t been eating right”, she said. So I asked:

β€œIs that why you are eating everything that’s left?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GilbyGrace
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
When someone on Earth transmits complaints to an astronaut in space, their argument is quickly escalated.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmHumanSoAMA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Well that escalated quickly youtube.com/watch?v=o1SjQ…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ResidentReward
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If Jon Snow enters a sauna how quickly does he become Jon Water?
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why must you act quickly during a flood?

Because it's an emergent sea.

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kas0510
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
You have to act quickly during a flood.

Because it's an emergent sea.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaranon
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report

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