What religious positions are open for women?
I recently staged an intervention for my religious feline addict.
Needless to say, he's not a Catholic anymore.
I hired a group of protestant religious sect members to haul my furniture to my new house...
They were movers and Shakers.
What's a religious businessperson's favorite type of business?
How did the religious man cross the raging river?
I decided to leave my strict, religious Pennsylvanian community to raise ducks. When I told my father, he said "Son, you have a choice"
You can either be a Quaker, or a Quacker.
Do you know that a religious person should have bagels for breakfast everyday?
They are as holy as food can get.
Do you know what is the most religious chord?
What do you call a metal religious woman?
What did the illiterate guy say when he saw a religious referee on a morning jog?
Why doesn't Santa have much of a religious opinion during the holidays?
Due to his diet, he tends to be eggnog-stic
What do you call a religious cat-lover?
What do you call a religious hawk?
What do you call a religious fruit?
I don't drink for religious reasons.
I drink for completely other reasons.
What's a surfer's favorite religious book?
Which birds are the most religious?
My friend loves fancy cheese so much it's almost religious.
You might say she has a personal relationship with cheeses.
My very religious Aunt attends mass daily.
She says that's because missing church for seven days makes one weak!
Who is the most religious animal in the animal kingdom?
The mantis, because they are always praying.
I tried to join a secret religious society, but the requirements were very strict.
It was called Diffi cult.
Why are Eagles so religious?
because they’re birds of prey
When you're not religious but will always throw a party
Why are charities becoming non religious?
Because they are non prophet organisations.
He came out as bi to his religious mother. She went to the Fish and Wildlife Service to ask for help.
She didn't know how to handle a bison
I had to fire my Christian guitar tutor. He was too religious. I wanted to learn guitar, but all he kept talking about was
What do you call a religious nomad?
How many religious women does it take to change a lightbulb?
Which animal species is the most religious?
Four hundred years ago, the pagan minority in Salem learned a valuable lesson about dealing with religious fanaticism
Be careful what you witch for
What do you call a religious grasshopper?
A preying mantis.
P.S. I proceeded to call myself ingenious after making this while pointing at the jeans I was wearing.
I'm turning my life around and joining a religious order.
I'm getting out of the frying pan, into the friar!
Let’s start a religious fitness training group. We can call it
So my neighbor is super religious...
Honestly the most religious guy I've ever known. He even passes out fliers from r/nofap and its fuckin' hilarious.
His only redeeming quality though is that runs the top rated butcher shop in all of Chicago (his Kobe beef is pretty fuckin' amazing).
You honestly can't beat the meat in his shop.
My wife is not exactly religious…
She thinks Noah was married to Joan of Ark…
I was taking naughty pictures of my ficus plant when my religious friend said...
"What a photo sin this is!"
Where do men in religious Holy Orders sleep at night?
What do you call a religious group that is hard to join?
What is the most religious amount?
How do Mexicans celebrate Indian religious festivals?
People think I'm religious because I married a nun
I got nun yesterday, nun today, and I'll be getting nun tomorrow
My dad is a religious man, and whenever I would lie as a kid, he would say, “Do you know where liars go?”
“Not where they say they’re going.”
Why are some horses religious?
My girlfriend’s parents are very religious and the first time I was at their house, her dad told me we weren’t allowed to sleep together...
It was a bit of a shame...he was very attractive.
I've recently started a religious order devoted to cutting up and frying potatoes.
Half a dozen Indians separated from Hinduism to join another religion. Unfortunately, this troubled them greatly and they fell ill when they branched off into their own religious group.
If you want to join you need to seek six sick Sikhs sect.
What religious sect makes you pay five times for everything?
I'm in the business of religious skydiving..
Dad joke on religious icons.
"Who led the Jews through a semi-permeable membrane?"
Religious fanatics give Islamabad name.
Why was the religious chef sacked from the ice-cream parlor?
He refused to work on sundaes.
Most nuns today no longer where the stereotypical religious garb, but they still dress in simple clothing...
out of habit.
My grandmother has many religious statues, crosses, and cats in her house.
No doubt she's a Cat-holic.
I tried buying from a religious store and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
What do you call a religious bag of weed?
My aunt taught me to do religious scenes in needlepoint when i was young.
they were all cross-stitched
The girlfriend with a religious identity crisis declares "If that exists, I'm a Christian rebel".
"So you're a Protestant."
What do you call a religious dad joke?
Kleptomaniacs take the Bible literally.
Do you have any of that religious cheese?
You know, cheesus of nazareth
Religious Sports Radio
Listening to the Notre Dame football game on XM; turns out it was being broadcast on a catholic satellite radio station.
I said, "That's weird. Football isn't even that religious of a sport!"
My dad replied, "Nope. Lacrosse is!"
mildly religious dad joke?
the priest: 'Let us pray.'
my dad: 'They do?'
Someone was giving out bibles for Halloween and I left it on the counter. We aren't religious
A religious fanatic walks into a wedding between a couple of fruits
He yells, "You, Cantaloupe!"
Dad let this one go in front of my religious aunt. Needless to say, we we're uninvited to Easter dinner.
Did you hear, Jesus and a couple of 2x4s walked into a bar. They got hammered together.
I don't know what her problem was, I think dad nailed it.
Dad joke about religious etiquette
Friend: Does this letter I wrote to my priest look okay?
Me: I don't think you should end your letter with SIN-cerely.
What do you call a very religious bird?