In Ancient Greece, people who had beliefs contrary to the worship of Poseidon were executed for Heresea
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What’s the majority of cows religious beliefs?

Moo-slims

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChubChuz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Those who were firm in their beliefs when China banned marijuana...the people who kept growing and selling.

They are known as the pot stickers.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Leboy2Point0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
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Contrary to common belief, racism is not a black and white issue
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πŸ‘€︎ u/97AByss
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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The antivax movement is a solidified belief that will be passed down through generations

Their children will die on this hill

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fill-Chapo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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What do you call a male student's society sharing a common belief in a flat earth?

A flaternity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steelpan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Despite popular belief Penises can't be 12" long

Because then they'd be a Foot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/immaownyou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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My daughter got me the other night. I was proud beyond belief.

My 3 yr old daughter was about to much down on a burrito and I said wait, eat this end first (because it was open on that end) and she looked at me and said, no, I don't want to eat the end, I want to eat the beginning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShaftEEE
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2016
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Indian names, dating, Zodiac signs and political beliefs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arpan8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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Contrary to popular belief, Nemo never actually left the water when he arrived in Sydney

He was still "down under"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thesanealien
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
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Despite my past beliefs, this mattress is very nice

I’ve been sleeping on it for a long time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SekariTwo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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How popular is communism as a belief?

Its common-ish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dandruff-ffurdnaD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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How can you tell when a mirror is not consistent with your beliefs?

It does not reflect who you are.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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Contrary to poplar belief,

I am not an arborist.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lol_camis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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People say circumcision doesn’t hurt, but i have to disagree.

I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year. So check your facts.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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What I saw at the local butcher
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgeorge443
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
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Have you heard of atheism?

It’s a non-prophet organization

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chicken-littler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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My 17yo niece fell victim to my 32yo dad/uncle humor.

So my mom, my oldest sister, and her daughter where at mine and my wife’s house for the weekend.

After having all the lights out so my wife and niece could play with a Ouija board, my niece wanted to make a cup of hot cocoa in the kitchen but she could find the light switch. The following exchange occurred...

Niece: Where is the light in the kitchen? Me: On the ceiling. Niece: Ok, but how do you turn it on? Me: With a light switch. Niece: Where is the light switch? Me: On the wall. Niece: Which wall? Me: The one with the switch.

She’s a good sport tho. We where laughing, she was grinning but definitely done with my uncle shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HunterShotBear
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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Anyone need an ark?

I Noah guy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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This kid at the school assembly is my hero

Context: Our school was having a presentation at assembly from Together for Humanity - "a multi-faith not-for-profit organisation that is helping schools, organisations and communities to respond effectively to differences of culture and belief". The presenters were an orthodox Jew, a Muslim, a Christian and an atheist.

When they asked for questions at the end, my new hero asked "Have you ever gone to a bar together?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/D-Nizzle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
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A donut walks into a church, approaches the priest and explains "Excuse me, Father, I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm very interested in joining the clergy."

"I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."

The priest, after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry, offers a warm smile in response.

"That is truly a noble calling." he says. "Most frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to priesthood."

"That sounds like a very involved process." the donut confesses. "I'm not sure I have the time."

"If you don't mind me asking…" replies the priest. "What made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you're not willing to make a commitment to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?"

"Well…" the donut answers. "See, it's because I'm holey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
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The boys didn't get it. I know you will

We were pulling into Dairy Queen for ice cream. One of the boys sd Hey there is only 1 car there. I said "You might say it looks...Desserted."

They didnt catch it so I though I'd share it with you all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spybot2915
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2014
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Julius Caesar was stabbed several times by his own congress

Making him, contrary to popular belief, the first holey Roman emperor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kisskissyesyes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
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French Fries

Contrary to popular belief, the first french fries were not cooked in France! They were cooked in Grease..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkEco4breakfast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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Bruce Springsteen, Pearl Jam and Ringo Starr all cancel NC shows over the anti-LGBT law.
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2016
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Dad got me with this one

Dad and I were talking about something and it was getting fired up. In my moment of complete belief that I was going to destroy him I say. 'You know what?'

Dad : 'No i don't I haven't met him'

Killed two birds with one stone. Slipped a dad joke and told me to shut up in one sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OffPanckakes
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2016
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Puns of Varying Quality on the Subject of Linguistics (created in a fit of procrastinative inspiration) some of which I thought someone, someday might appreciate.

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kieuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2011
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