Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.

I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kalibabka
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I secured funding to build the new city airport

Things are starting to take off around here

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally got funding for my dictionary based stage production, "Pun: A Play On Words"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tourdefranz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.

It comes in two very large dosey-doses.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
How did they fund four weddings and a funeral?

A Huge Grant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gay-George
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING :: Lebanese President Michel Aoun states there will be no additional disaster relief funds for those affected by blast.

A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerHikes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If the government included a clutch of baby chickens along with the stimulus funds...

Does this mean we got money for nothing and our chicks for free?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...

It's a mootual fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me β€œ Dad did you get a haircut?”

Nope I got them all cut.

πŸ‘︎ 595
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aryamanB0506
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't ants fund illegal activities ?

They have Anti Money Laundering

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
The fisherman used all funds from fish sales to buy collections of audio recordings issued as a single item on CD...

He sold his sole for rock'n'roll.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross a cat with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics department and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sikkerhet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My son is saving his money for an Icee.

It's a slush fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teeim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I’ve been setting aside money to buy some boxwood shrubs.

It’s my hedge fund.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobs_clam_rodeo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm raising money for a new row of shrubs by selling stock...

Would you like a few shares of my hedge fund?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid was trying to start a landscaping business

He just needed some seed funding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dashover
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
It shall commence on 4/20
πŸ‘︎ 36k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I went to a fund raiser for dolphins recently. Since it was Florida, canopies protected the participants from the sun. The mayor got up to speak.

He said, "for all in tents and porpoises, we come together to raise funds."

Something like that might be a good joke... someday...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.

I admit it was a crappy thing to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Never donate to a blind children's fund

It's not like they will see any of it anyway.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/John_r628
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of crows gathering money?

Crowd funding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyjarvis
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Signed up for my company's 401k

but I'm nervous cuz I've never ran that far before

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πŸ‘€︎ u/y414p
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I created a bank account dedicated entirely to buying and maintaining bushes

I call it my hedge fund

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SkippyDingleCha1k
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."

My first official dad joke.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL Ozzy Osborne, famous musician, funded the first ever soda in space.

He called it "Barq's at the Moon"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notFarkus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Getting really annoyed now, this is the 6th ATM I've been to thats had "insufficient funds"!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrocket
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Teucrium Corn Fund

The other day, I was researching the stock market because I thought it wise to start investing at an early age. After hours of research and going through the myriad shares I could buy, I passed by one that caught my eye...the Teucrium Corn Fund. I could invest in corn, that'll surely stay steady, everyone needs corn! However, after awhile of second guessing myself, as I often do, I decided that I hold off on the stock market until I did more research and study. Yes, I'll invest in corn stocks when I have an ear for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sioswing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report
If you don't want to buy something because it will fund a condescending king...

... then you don't want to patronise a patronising patron.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quillo_Manar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
🚨︎ report
How does the Grammar Nazi party fund it's government?

Through a syntax.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheeriebomb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Banks need to get better at restocking these ATMs

This is now the fifth one that has insufficient funds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you read about that girl from Alaska who turned down a scholarship from a Native American scholarship fund?

She wasn't that Inuit.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misterkeith
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
🚨︎ report
I discovered a paradigm in my washing machine.

I'll be putting that 20Β’ in my rainy day fund.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mustacius
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
We couldn't find our checkbook to pay the gardener

So we payed him in hedge funds

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Best joke of my life (kinda)

So at my school, we had a pipe burst.

Joke at the end of you want to skip

Now it's pretty normal in the midwest, where I live, to have this thing. It started with the fire alarm going off, because of the pressure decrease, and the school was evacuated. We were all eventually brought back, for it was cold. We sat in our gym for AN HOUR before being dismissed back to our classes.

So it's near the end of the day and I have gym class. And I'm having your normal conversation with a friend about the school's financial problems. And we were just talking about how the school is going to have to pay so much money for the new pipe and the ceiling tiles and the cleaning etc.

And then it was my moment to shine.

So the conversation is almost over and the friend says,

"It'll be a while before normal funds go back".

And I just say this:

"Yeah man, the school's money is going down the drain".

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YourRoyalF0xy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
They should stock ATM's better.

I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What sort of money do need if you want to start your own landscaping business?

A hedge fund.

πŸ‘︎ 251
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TOHSNBN
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a grape gets paid to sit in the sun all day?

Fund-raisin!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Watermelon86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Understanding Disney Villains

I really think Disney Villains are misunderstood. You have to respect how they pursue their passions. They usually have henchmen or β€œemployees” so I’m guessing there’s a compensation system in place and they are managing a budget to fund all their evil campaigns. And what business model did they have to follow? Was there an Ursula before Ursula? I don’t think so. These villains are business visionaries and they deserve such respect.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sesmith420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I've added a stock investor on Facebook.

We have 3 mutual funds in common.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t robots carry cash?

They’ll just wire you the funds.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TotallyIneptWeeb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Shrubs

What do you call a savings account for obtaining more bushes?

A Hedge Fund!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedstoneRelic
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report

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