How is Miley Cyrus spending her quarantine days?

She’s twerking from home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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This Holiday season it seems like everyone is spending a lot of money and buying cars.

I keep hearing everyone say they are buying their kids a toy yoda.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fluffspeed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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I would go Bach to the store so much, I would go baroque from spending so much.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gullies
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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If you buy a male prostitute in America, you are spending USD to get a US D
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ooy003
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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Restaurant called the Dog Haus - a Place I wouldn’t mind spending the night if the gf was mad.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NaabeGetOnSkype
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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I thought my son was spending too much time playing computer games...

I stopped him and said, "Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

He considered that for a moment before replying, "Yeah, well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was The President of the United States."

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2017
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My wife makes art by spending hours painting dots on a canvas to create shapes, she calls it modern art

I think it’s pointillist

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/____okay
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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TIL the host of Dirty Jobs is now a college proffesor who teaches students about money management and how spending affects the world around them.

The course is called Mike Rowe Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatandsalt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
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Is spending too much for premium ice cream a case of Breyer's remorse?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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World of Warcraft introduced a scavenger hunt to find a secret item that involved hundreds if not thousands of people in a Discord spending days and days scouring the entire world for little clues.

The secret reward is called Waist of Time.

Well played, Blizzard, well played.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthEwok42
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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After changing my diet to bland foods and spending a lot more time walking (in the rain I might add), I’m down 50 pounds.

That will be the last time I visit London.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kpely
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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After spending $20 on drinks, I decided to check my balance before ordering another round.

Safe to say, I fell over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatAverageJoe55
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Your mom and I enjoy spending time together playing the simplest, most pointless video games.

From the start, we just clicked.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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Guess I'll be spending the rest of my days on the road, runnin' from the law. i.reddituploads.com/f42e4…
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Spending Money in Art [x-post /r/funny] imgur.com/gallery/v3Xww
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πŸ‘€︎ u/machine_pun
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2014
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A man came to the door selling fishing equipment and I ended up spending $1500 on a fishing rod when I've never fished once

guess he was just good at reeling me in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wildezgaming
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My 3 year old son got the daycare lady with this one the other day while talking about spending the weekend with my parents at their lake house.

Daycare Lady: "does your Grandpa have a house on the lake?"

Son (with a serious face): "no his house is on the grass."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ILikeLampz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2017
🚨︎ report
After spending 20 years as a Lawyer, Dad finally retired to pursue his dream of providing Dental Care to the needy...

He calls it The Tooth, the Whole Tooth, and Nothing but the Tooth.

So help me Gauze.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cinnamonico
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2017
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After spending the day eating vegetarian food

I falafel

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2017
🚨︎ report
So I met this girl at a Bernie Sanders rally a while ago and ended up spending the night at her place

A couple weeks later, she calls me and tells me I should get myself checked...

Apparently, she was feeling the burn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d8x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2016
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We're watching our spending habits lately

"I have to buy sponges over at the dollar store."

"That's a cost we can absorb."

Guess I should have her pick up a pregnancy test, too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevenfootwingspan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I told MY first dadjoke today - I've been spending some time studying my own father for inspiration...

My seven year old daughter was jumping on the bed when she clutched her mouth, fell and yelled out, "Dad, I kneed my teeth!"

I replied, "you're right, you do need your teeth, and you will for a long time."

She punched me in the face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/T2000iceCOLD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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I just let my wife know that we're going to really have to tighten up on our spending...

Everyone else should do the same. The world economy is going to crash. If 50 cents isn't worth anything, we're all screwed.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2015
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Spending lots of time with my dad cleaning up around my new farm house...

We've been burning a lot of junk wood and had a huge pile of ashes. (Works better when you imagine it spoken out loud)

Me: What am I supposed to do with all these ashes?

Dad: Use them to catch a bear!

Me: what?

Dad: Well, you dig a big hole and put all the ashes in the bottom. Then you line the hole with peas. When the bear reaches for the peas, you kick him in the ash hole!

I told him his dad jokes are getting better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalhead2881
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2014
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Spending the week fishing and Dad can't get enough of this one

We're just jerks on one end waiting for jerks on the other.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smokybrett
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2014
🚨︎ report

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